The Groom Says

Grooms Get Respect in Canada

2011-11-18T11:50:00.001-08:00

In the ongoing war* between the U.S. and Canada over which nation is more groom-friendly, Canada has just scored another victory.

*The aforementioned war is "ongoing" only as of this morning, and occurs solely in my mind.

Zosia Bielski at The Globe and Mail has sought to define the term Groomzilla and pose some great questions about groom involvement in the planning process.

Groomzillas fight back: What's wrong with getting involved?

In her article, Bielski makes note of "a new breed of groom-centric bloggers and wedding planners [who are] hoping to redefine the zilla moniker and shift attitudes around male involvement in the pinkest of industries in the process." A number of my colleagues and I contributed thoughts and opinions for the article, so don't be surprised when you see mention of The Man Registry, Groom Groove and Temple of Groom, among others.

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On another note, TGS is in talks with The Knot about bringing some more groom issues to their national and regional magazines with the Ask the Groom column. So if you feel so inclined, tweet @ TheKnot or post a note on their website and tell them you want to see Ask the Groom in their future issues. And if you have a question that I can answer in my snarky and brutally honest fashion, you can always email it to me.

Past ATG posts include:

Ask the Groom: Boudoir Photography

Ask the Groom: Last Minute Groom Gifts

Ask the Groom: "Honey, Where's My Harness?" or The Man-gerie Post

Great weekend!

All Men Report to the Sidebar: Breaking into @TheKnot

2011-11-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, 2Es and I took a drive over to the Grove shopping center here in LA, an outdoor mall where the fountain dances to Sinatra tunes and Mario Lopez interviews B-celebrities. We made it seem like the primary purpose of our trip was to purchase an iPhone case, but we both know that was bull.

The last time we browsed the magazine rack at Barnes & Noble was two years ago: a young clueless engaged couple looking to steal ideas from the best weddings of 2008. These wedding dates in the upstairs coffee lounge at B&N would span a few hours: 2Es would flip through The Knot or Modern Bride for inspiration, and I would blog about how wedding magazines are completely devoid of male interests.

Not so much this time...

Feeling the groom love with The Man Registry, The Plunge, and

I Am Staggered.

Granted, it's a sidebar, buried in a sea of full-page wedding gown photos ... but I'll take it. In fact, I'll do more than that. I'll call it the culmination of 2+ years of providing a male voice in the industry. And I won't stop there; I'm going to continue to hound the lovely ladies and occasional gent at The Knot about the "Ask the Groom" column that I've been promoting for over a year now. And we'll see how far we can push this envelope.

So stop by your local wherever (yes, this is the national Winter Issue of The Knot, not the regional issue) and pick up a copy and flip immediately to page 38. Hell, flip all the copies at Barnes & Noble or Rite-Aid or newsstand to page 38. And then hit up The Knot (via Twitter or via their Facebook page) and tell them you want more groom content. Especially from that Groom Says guy. You know he's looking for writing gigs now...

***A special thanks to Amy Eisinger, Associate Editor at The Knot and author of the aforementioned article.

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A personal note: If you're in New York this weekend, please root on my Dad and the other 40,000+ runners competing in the New York City Marathon on Sunday. This is Dad's third marathon this year (Miami being the first, Boston the second), and I couldn't be more proud of him. What an amazing achievement.

Enjoy the 55 degree weather, runners!

Weekend Wrap-Up

2011-10-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

I told you you'll never truly get rid of me. Stop trying.

In lieu of a final Crossing the Aisle post, we've got a mini Weekend Wrap-up, beginning with a farewell tribute to The Groom Says on GroomsAdvice.com.

My Favorite Posts from The Groom Says

Fellow groom pioneer Chris Easter (co-founder of The Man Registry) has been a good friend and drinking buddy since I began this wedding journey two years ago. Having an appreciation for odd and borderline offensive humor, Chris first asked me to guest post on Grooms Advice back in January of 2010, and we've been coming up with more and more man-centric, immature content since then ... including one post about Kellie Pickler's wedding video that deeply hurt one of Kellie's hardcore fans ... who may very well have been her mom.

More feelings we hurt,

then the more hits we get, see?

Now write, monkey, write!

- Chris Easter

[the haiku above is fabricated]

So thanks to Chris for the generous tribute and the kind words. And readers, please continue to keep up with TMR and GroomsAdvice.com. Remember that Chris has a slew of gift options available on his registry site, all at ridiculously good prices.

- - -

Check out: How to dress a groom (Spongebob underwear not included) on MarthaStewartWeddings.com.

- - -

And for readers in the Western Great Lakes/Minnesota and Wisconsin region, I've got the 411 on an event in your hood that might pique your interest.

This Thursday, October 13th, the Independent Wedding Association is hosting a Wedding Fair and (infinitely more important) Groom's Night at a bocce, bowling and bistro joint called Pinstripes. (Sounds like we need a Pinstripes in LA.) Rather than a stuffy, convention hall feel, the IWA boasts a cocktail hour atmosphere with an emphasis on the grooms. Yes, that means (but is not limited to):

Unlimited bowling (that alone is worth it)
Suit fitting and groom grooming demos
Cigar and drink sampling
S'mores bar
Boutonniere alternatives (perhaps they've seen my Out of the Box collection?)
Wedding lounge recommendations
And a FREE companion ticket for your 2Es ... or your man date

Tickets are a more-than-reasonable $15, and all the info is on their website @ independentwedding.com. If any of you Great Lakers end up going, be sure to email me a shot of whatever man cave the IWA's got set up over there.

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For tickets and event inquiries, please contact Becca Dilley (Founder of the IWA) at dilley@gmail.com. Be sure to tell her The Groom Says referred you. I get free s'mores with each referral.

A First Anniversary and a Reflection on Two Years

2011-10-03T14:22:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog back in September of 2009, it was meant to be a light read for our wedding guests and a distraction for fellow grooms who might stumble upon it. In addition, I hoped to entertain my fiancee (my 2Es) by exposing, exaggerating, spinning and capitalizing on our adventures, our discoveries, and our missteps as first-time wedding planners. And that was it. Those were the elaborate plans I had drafted for this virtual project.

Between then and now, it's become something else. A year before our wedding date, publishing an initial post on The Groom Says, I knew a few things about weddings; today, a year and a day into marriage, I know more about weddings than a man could ever want to know. And I'm glad that I'm able to offer advice on attire and decor and venue load-in times. I'm glad that there are male voices in the wedding world and that, in some respects (and in some parts of the country), we're leaving the pink-toned, cutesy, bride-centric weddings behind. We're making weddings more collaborative. If I've played even the smallest role in that movement, then I'm pleased.

2Es and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary yesterday. We drove to Big Bear Lake on the 30th, packing enough clothes and equipment for an entire Cub Scout troop, and set up camp in the pitch black of the Pine Knot campground. We were verbally assaulted by a park ranger and took the difficult course down a rather steep mountain on crap mountain bikes and, despite our over-packing, neglected to bring chairs -- but we had the time of our lives. Our anniversary was spent very simply in each other's company, reliving the perfect and not-so-perfect moments from our wedding, crafting vegan s'mores from Kmart-brand products (graham cracker pie crust, dark chocolate bar, vanilla frosting) and talking about the changes we've made in each other's lives. I've made her more socially anxious; she's converted me into an aisle-seat lover. I don't even remember what drove me to window seats in the past. That alone is an argument for marriage.

I write this on the same day that my fellow Angeleno and more popular wedding blogger Becca signs off of her own blog, A Los Angeles Love. Unlike her, I guess I'm not prepared to divorce myself completely from The Groom Says. "This space has been so important to me over the last two years," she writes, and I couldn't agree more. Like Becca, who began ALAL roughly at the same time that I did, this has been a place to share successes and failures alike ... to vent, to laugh, and to practice a craft that I love. I've made friends who will forever remain friends. I've loved sharing these experiences with you all, and I'm so appreciative of those of you who've made it a worthwhile journey.

But 2Es and I have plans. We have life plans and career plans, and while the latter does involve writing (in fact, it depends on it), it doesn't involve coordinating weddings or promoting groomsmen gifts or advising on formalwear. But it does involve supporting my family, and one cannot do that with a humorous groom blog that brings in zero income. So while this may not be a final farewell, it is a revised mission statement of sorts. I'll stop in from time to time. I'll post on occasion. The blog will continue to exist here in cyberspace with miles of archives to read through should one have an entire weekend to kill. 2Es and I still have to publish our wedding photos somewhere, for chrissake. And I've got to get The Knot to start responding to my emails with more consistency. I'm not "done" done.

You know, a little under a year into The Groom Says, I contacted a wedding industry leader (whose assistance and support I've greatly appreciated over the last 24 months) about joining an elite club of wedding bloggers. She said, regretfully, that the group did not permit any male members because "the grooms tend to drop off the face of the planet right after their wedding." And I guess I can't argue with that principle ... except that I've seen just as many bridal bloggers put their blogs to rest post-wedding. I think it has very little to do with being a male blogger and much more to do with moving on.

"I think how much you enjoy your wedding

depends on how much you're involved in the planning of it."

- 2Es

until then, readers, whenever that may be,

brian

Groom In-A-Box

2011-09-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

OK, to be fair, I didn't realize that my most recent post and my three week absence made it seem like 2Es and I had been swallowed by Hurricane Irene ... until now.

Let's resume business as usual.

- - -

In my early teens, while I was climbing trees and raiding refrigerators and NOT having contact with women (late bloomer), my now-wife was having an affair ... with a rather complex stat sheet:

OCCUPATION: Pro Rodeo Team Roper
SKIVVIES: Briefs
PERSONALITY STYLE: Laid-back charm; old-fashioned values; well-mannered and quick with a compliment; kinda shy

This stat sheet doesn't just come with a man. It also comes with an owner's manual.

That's right, my better half was engaged in a pubescent relationship with Cowboy Clint, one of eight Boyfriends In-A-Box. Clint comes (as advertised) in a box. And he, like his fellow escorts Firefighter Frank and Athletic Al, comes with a list of vital statistics, a greeting card (which Clint himself signed), a flower sender's card (which Clint himself signed), three missed call messages (Clint is so sad he missed you a third time), and both a 5x7 and a wallet-sized photo.

Did I mention he's a cowboy?

He's a BF for the BF-less.

Collect all eight! Herpes not included.

Had it been me, I would have gone with Corporate Craig or Doctor Dave, someone who could provide for me financially at the fragile age of thirteen.

"Your Boyfriend In-A-Box is guaranteed not to lie; cheat;

forget a date; be late; complain when you're late; flirt with

other women; hog the remote; spit; insult your friends; grunt;"

... and so on and so forth.

I guess what troubled me most, stumbling upon Clint's box when we purged our apartment this weekend, was the thought that I might not rise to the high standard that Clint has set. After all, why wouldn't she tell me about Clint before we got married? Why did I have to dig him out of some forsaken memory box and yank the truth out of her? How can I possibly compare to some man in a ten gallon hat and jean-on-jean who doesn't lie and never grunts. I grunt constantly.

OCCUPATION: Groom Blogger
SKIVVIES: Boxer briefs
PERSONALITY STYLE: Has obsessive-compulsive tendencies; no values or morals or ethics to speak of; eats with elbows on the table and loves a good smoothie; kinda weird overall

In short, I'm keeping a close eye on 2Es. The cat's out of the bag and Clint's back in the box. And, help me god, if he sends one more goddamn greeting card...

Crossing the Aisle, Vol. IX

2011-08-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

We're gonna make this a quick one, kids, cause Irene is a-comin', and we need to get the hell off the Carolina coast.

So here's a few links to get through the weekend.

Groom-Friendly Designs on the Bridal Blogs

THE ULTIMATE SOUTHERN ESCORT CARD FINALISTS: HONEY BEE INVITES, PART II
via Southern Weddings Magazine
Despite my vegan lifestyle (or not despite, but rather contrary to that lifestyle), I have to share this escort card idea from Honey Bee Invites. Give the Southerners what they want: a big ol' piece of fried chicken.

(Also check out this entry in their Southern Escort Card contest: s'mores to go, with separate styles for the mens and the ladies.)

Groomsmen: reaching new heights ... via Sparkle & Hay

COMMENT ATTACHER UN NOEUD PAPILLON
via 100 Layer Cake
Even if you don't appreciate fine foreign cinema, you're likely to enjoy this mini French flick on how-to tie a bow tie.

Mid-wedding food truck break ... via Green Wedding Shoes

FAVOR IDEA: PROPOSAL FLIP BOOKS
via Aisle Say on Brides.com
Ok, so not a brand new idea (one that I mentioned before in my DIY Magazine article), but a new interpretation of it + a video to get the full flipping experience.

And because I have to...

NERD CHIC AT SECRET HEADQUARTERS
via The Knotty Bride
I posted about this earlier in the week, but I'm shameless: 2Es most recent engagement shoot was featured on TKB last weekend. Nerd chic. Video games. And a food truck devoted to bacon. It's not groom-approved. It's a groomgasm. (Groom orgasm.)

Stay dry, everyone.
-brian

Real Groom Issues: Proposal Pressure

2011-08-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, my new friend Alison at The Knotty Bride brought up a "real bride issue": brides' satisfaction (or, in this case, dissatisfaction) with their groom's proposal. It's clear Alison's hit on a sensitive issue, one that 30+ women have weighed in on in the past week.

From Alison:

Were you absolutely thrilled with the way your marriage proposal went down? Were you in any way disappointed, but possibly feeling guilty about feeling that way? On the flip side, do you feel that there’s undue pressure on men to perform up to the standards set by videos you see showing incredible proposals caught on film?

The first two questions are important, no doubt about it, but as a groom blogger, I'm of course primarily concerned with the last. Are grooms under unfair pressure to deliver a kick-ass proposal? Do men need to plan and execute a proposal "story" worthy of years of bragging and boasting? I decided to throw my own two cents in -- plus give voice to some men who've been through the process. Enter Earl, Tim, Josh and Hunter.

EARL: We put so much pressure on ourselves, don't we? The proposal, the wedding, the wedding night, honeymoon, gift registry, seating charts and so on. Why is it that the Marriage itself seems so unimportant during all this activity?

Why do proposals matter to begin with? Well, popping the question kickstarts the wedding process, so that's part of it; and for some (women), it's a measure of how much your partner loves you. The trouble is -- can men actually buy into that philosophy? Does the size of our love correlate with the size of a ring, or the size of the proposal?

HUNTER: The proposal should be something that is a personal moment between you and your wife. It's not about impressing her; it's about making her feel like the most special person in the world. It's time to look inward and get creative.

Hunter's right. Or Hunter should be right. "Personal," "special," and "creative" seem like the right elements for a memorable event. "Impressing" should be an added bonus, right? After all, we can't determine what will or will not impress. We can't read minds, sadly.

TIM: [The proposal didn't need to be] hugely elaborate, but I felt like it should be something more than just a, "Hey, by the by, you want to, you know, get hitched?" I felt like it had to be a little more impressive than that.

JOSH: One kick ass proposal earns you a lifetime of points ... or at least a year and a half's worth.

Our expectations (for women) and assumptions about those expectations (for men) are shaped by so many things, it's altogether impossible to create a rubric by which to judge proposals and thereby qualify them as good or bad, fulfilling or disappointing, impressive or ... less than so.

EARL: Just the fact that we deal with weddings almost every day puts added pressure on us both. We hear about proposals at every appointment. Brides love to tell their stories, and we love to hear them ... but it adds to the performance anxiety.

At a certain point, we men have to ask if women even know what goes into the planning of a proposal: the secrecy, the family approval, the cost, the ring, the timing, the logistics, the contingency plan, the (optional) recording of the event, and so on and so forth.

HUNTER: How long I spent planning the proposal is a joke in my family because I decided the day I was going to propose about 10 months before I did it. I wanted to do it on the 5 year anniversary of our first date in the fall ... but I decided that in January. Of course that had to be the year all my friends proposed, so Dana got to watch everyone else get engaged and wonder what the heck was wrong with her man.

It's not uncommon for women to pick a special date or occasion and assume that it's going to happen on that date -- telling their friends, I just have a feeling he's going to do it! (For our Legally Blonde fans, we'll call this the "Elle Woods syndrome.") This doesn't directly add to our stress, but it will inevitably fuck with our minds if things don't go according to the events as they play out in your head.

TIM: I also wanted to propose on New Year's Day. That felt like a good day for popping the question.

Then there's added pressure from proposals popularized by YouTube, The Today Show and all forms of social media. If Ann Curry tells us it's romantic, we figure we owe our girlfriends/wives at least that much.

Throw in the nerves bit, and we've got all odds against us. The anxiety alone is enough to drive any sane person into a state of paralyzing terror. For several (or, in Hunter's case, 10) months, we've had this secret on our hands -- and this pricey piece of jewelry in our pocket -- and then we have to explain, in a matter of seconds, why we want to spend the rest of your life with you. That last part isn't hard, by the way, but it's comparable to writing vows. Times ten. You want those words to be stellar. You want them to be "personal," "special," and "creative" ... and perhaps "perfect."

EARL: All your partner really wants is the romance. It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. Unfortunately, romance is defined differently by every partner. Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to find out what romance means to your partner. Easy peasy.

Peasy for some, not so peasy for others. Ladies know this: some men get romance, and others just don't. Some men know how to relocate a Starbucks interior to a wooded area to resemble a first date, and some can stage and choreograph a song and dance in the middle of a park in New York; other men, as one bride commented on Alison's post, will pop the question in the frozen meats department at Costco.

EARL: This was the second "trip" for Leslie and I both. Thank God her Ex didn't rent a hot air balloon in Paris and propose under the lights of the Eiffel Tower while Train performed "Marry Me" in the balloon with them. I went for the romantic spontaneous approach, I woke her up at midnight on our anniversary and proposed while she rubbed sleep out of her eyes.

Earl hits the nail on the head. Romance is defined by your relationship. And for those women who complain about a disappointing, disastrous, romance-free proposal ... did you expect more from your partner? Or did you simply want more from your partner? Did you want something you knew he couldn't deliver?

JOSH: I definitely [felt the pressure] ... but it was more pressure I put on myself. Honestly, pulling off a kick-ass proposal was as much for me as it was for Alyssa. You get one chance to do it, and now we both have this story for the rest of our lives.

HUNTER: She was of the mindset that, if I like it, then I should put a ring on it. Anything more was gravy. But once you make a turkey the gravy is easy and it makes it so much better ... OK, that may have been the worst romance analogy ever.

Of the four men represented here, one staged an elaborate get-together and dinner with both families; a second took his bride to Mexico for a surprise beach trip; another changed his plans last minute and popped the question on a bitter cold morning in Astoria, Queens; and the last shook his wife awake in the middle of the night. Each proposal is romantic in its own personal, special and creative way. Ask any of them (because I neglected to), and I imagine they'll say that none of their proposals were perfect by any means. But all had some idea what their partner expected and what "big gesture" they were capable of. And none of them pointedly blame their wives or women or wedding bloggers or even society at large for the undue pressure they may have been under.

So ladies -- from a man who's been there -- some advice:

(A) You know your man, so be realistic about your expectations. If his idea of a date is running errands and then going halfsies on a deli sub, then know that you may not get that hot air balloon ride over Paris.

(B) Tell your guy if you have certain expectations, like I would like my parents to be there when "it" happens, or I don't want it to be a big spectacle event.

(C) But don't make specific requests, not about time or place or execution. And don't hound -- it's not motivating.

(D) Heart > Theatrics

(E) And hey, if you have a specific vision about how things ought to play out, maybe you should forgo the traditional proposal and do what Gill and Justin did and propose to each other at separate times. It worked for them. Just requires a conversation beforehand to iron out the details.

If the proposal is in fact our way of showing you how much we love you and want to marry you, then let it be that: our way, inspired by you. Therein lies the romance.

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THANKS to Earl, Hunter, Josh and Tim for their input

THANKS to Alison for the inspiration

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to read more about the drama behind proposal planning,

read through my own proposal story:

MY SIDE OF THE STORY

Cufflink Winner + When Zombies Take Over Engagement Sessions

2011-08-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

So I thought of a new engraving option overnight for the Cufflink Contest (remember: it was a 2-line limit, 15 characters per line):

blame it on the

a-a-altitude

OK, whatever, I'm in vacation mode.

Thanks to all who entered both here and on Facebook! I printed out all of the submissions, read them aloud at a poetry slam (yes, that really happened), and let the crowd determine the victor.

RUNNER UP

You're hot baby

My sleeves agree

- Teresa R

THE WINNER!

Note to self:

< 98.6 = zombie

- Beth L

So Beth (because slam audiences love zombies) gets two FREE Thermometer Cufflinks, c/o of BridesVillage.com. Don't forget to check out the other bride and groom gift options available on their site.

Side note: not all of BridesVillage's products have thermometers.

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Also ... Teresa (honorable mention above) shared an awesome engagement shoot link that I could not help but re-share here. It's an instant Groom Says favorite because it challenges our expectations of engagement portraits ... and because it involves bludgeoning a zombie to death.

And he JUST bought that suit, too.

So congrats, Beth! And congrats unnamed engaged couple ... for having a love that is stronger than the chokehold of the undead.

cheers

brian

Cufflink Contest + E-Session News

2011-08-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

Alright, a couple quick notes from the east coast:

1. No pressure, but we've got some great entries for out Thermometer Cufflink contest, sponsored by BridesVillage.com. Leave a sweet idea for a personalized engraving (2 lines, 15 characters per line) on either the original post, The Groom Says Facebook page, or both!

Top the other entries, and you'll walk away with a kick-ass pair of these, customized with your smart-ass engraving:

Contest ends Sunday at midnight, PST. Winner to be announced Monday.

2. As many of you know, 2Es and I own and operate our own photography business (responsible for 95% of the images you see on this here blog), and we're thrilled to announce that our most recent "Nerd Chic" engagement session is featured on THE KNOTTY BRIDE this weekend. Check out the post HERE.

3. Oh, and scroll through recent posts to read through Justin and Audrey's French wedding recap (in two parts). English speakers welcome.

Alright, I'm on vacation. No one bother me.

Have a great weekend!
brian

Justin et Audrey: a one-of-a-kind French countryside wedding (Partie Deux)

2011-08-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

The eight o'clock alarm sounded in all three rooms simultaneously, and the unspoken fact that we (we being three groomsmen and the groom himself) got at best 3-1/2 hours of sleep just hung in the air. We were visibly exhausted. I pulled Justin aside and told him, Don't worry dude. You are superhuman on your wedding day. You have the strength of ten men. Ten strong men. Not weak men like us. You're gonna be great. Don't fall asleep. My breath smelled like last night's canned beer.

CLICK HERE TO READ

PART ONE OF 'JUSTIN ET AUDREY'

Odin dragged me into the supermarché to grab a quick breakfast, and while we were in line, we put the finishing touches on our toast, which (because we're both creative individuals) had assumed a number of shapes, sizes, colors and one-liners over the last few weeks. We had decided that we would do separate rehearsal dinner toasts and a combined wedding toast, opting to keep the latter short and sweet. We finalized our plans, ran back to the car -- croissants in hand -- and headed up to the reception space.

Upon our arrival, Co-Best Man and I immediately got to work on the ceremony arch; we consulted with Justin on location, dragged our asses outside and got to work. Our onlookers on the other side of the barbed wire fence were pleased to point out our mistakes as we toiled over various lengths of white tubing.

wedding crashers

It all seemed so manageable -- with the four of us plus Justin's friend Matt and Groomsman Vince pushing through the to-do list -- but at the same time, it was an insurmountable amount of work: decorating the arch; pulling the ceremony benches out of storage; jumping on said benches to plant them in the uneven ground; wiping the mud off of them after said jumping. And then ... setting up the keg. Arranging the escort cards. Folding menus. Preparing hors d'oeuvres. Fastening paper flowers to low-hanging tree branches. And so on.

And then, as it was just beginning to take shape, it began to rain.

I don't want to make it sound more tragic than it was. Bride and groom had been planning on rain for over a week now, so this was no surprise. But with the change in weather came an extended to-do list, which involved turning a reception space into a ceremony slash reception space.

[click to enlarge]

Homemade details: escort card doilies; ceremony backdrop; hand-drawn, fold-out menus; gift (mail) box; and wedding favor name tags

I kept an eye on the clock and gave Justin a "hard out" time of 2:15, as we still had to return to Metz, freshen up, grab our formal attire and get back here before 5. We had 45 minutes in Metz, and in that 45 minutes, Justin and Baptiste would shower, I would iron (typical), and Odin would run over to the supermarché to pick up lunch, paper towels and soap. We had an agenda. And we had a very small window of time.

More homemade details: a Polaroid camera w/ mini prints, literally dozens of disguises on sticks, and a guestbook filled with the best images and quotes imaginable

An hour later we were back in the car and back on the road and headed back to Saint-Hubert, where we would have about 20 minutes to complete the transformation from men to groomsmen, from "dude" to "groom." Odin and I stuck Justin in a room upstairs and then ran downstairs and through the reception space, through a throng of guests (all in formal wedding attire, all wondering what the hell we were up to) and into the bathrooms, which were also equipped with showers. We spent five minutes finding the light switch and another five just soaking ourselves with hot water. We didn't have towels (and the paper towels that Odin had purchased were still upstairs), so we dried ourselves with the clothes we were just wearing and then ran through the rain and mud (because now it was embarrassing to run through the field of guests, now that we were in undershirts and socks) and up to the second floor, at which point Justin brilliantly blurted out,

Thanks for showing up, guys. I'm getting married in 5 minutes.

[cliquez pour agrandir]

This collage does no justice

But then it was strangely perfect again -- like the feeling I had walking down the streets of Metz at dawn, at once enamored with the scenery and at the same time fairly certain that I was going to get mugged. We were rushed and it was raining and our dress socks were caked with mud -- and crap, the snaps on these goddamn suspenders just won't snap -- but it worked. We were in this bunk room of sorts, with fifteen single cots topped with bedspreads and metallic "homeroom" lockers on the near wall. Six men (two American, three French, and one soon-to-be French-American) using each other as mirrors and fussing with the JCrew ties that Justin and I had picked out months earlier. In that moment, it just came together.

Justin went on into the space while the rest of us huddled in a room near the main entrance -- the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, and ring bearer Paul -- and fastened our boutonnieres to our suspender straps and then made our grand entrance ten minutes later. The procession was quick, and the officiant -- a young politician, hair cut short, wearing a sash -- asked us all to sit. I swear he said something about Charlemagne discovering Saint-Hubert but the rest went right over our English-speaking heads. When prompted, we passed their rings from person to person, holding them in our hands and blessing them while the ceremony carried on. And after the officiant read out the names and occupations of the entire wedding party, and once the dozen of us had signed a document that said -- well, I have no idea what it said, to be honest -- then Justin and Audrey were officially Justin and Audrey.

We had our hands in everything pictured here -- and no, we didn't wash them in advance

Mission number one was ensuring that J&A were not working during their own wedding reception, so Baptiste and I hustled into the kitchen and passed hors d'oeuvres and stocked the bathrooms with soap and towels while some burlier men figured out how to move the keg and Co2 indoors without disconnecting the cables.

We ate and we mingled and at some point Odin and Baptiste took off to pick up the pigs and returned 90 minutes later, having taken a wrong turn down a dirt road (no fault of their own) and then waited for the "pig man" to pull the pigs off the spit and wrap them in foil.

Even the vegan couldn't help but observe the cultural celebration that is the pig carving. You'll find the FOG in the background of the b&w photo above, putting his butchery skills to work.

We ate more and danced to primarily American Billboard hits. Toasts were made and champagne was had and cigarettes were smoked and Justin performed a three-song medley as a gift to his new wife. A cheese cart was wheeled onto the dance floor, along with some righteous cakes made by 18-year-old dessert prodigy Valentin. And at some odd hour of the morning, I assumed the role of DJ and got a small group back on the dance floor for the next couple (?) hours. Someone kept refilling my champagne glass, and I swear to god it wasn't me.

It could've been 4am when I called it quits; it could have been 6am. All I know is, Odin said I had this scary look in my eyes as I sat alone outside the bunk room. Of course, I explained the next morning, my BVC (blood viognier content) was through the roof.

première danse comme mari et femme

Descending the stairs the following morning, looking (I imagine) like a lesser and more hungover version of myself, I found an entire crew of people cleaning up the chaos from the night before ... the "crew" being a fourth of J&A's guests, some who had been up since 7A.M., and others like me who had been avoiding the inevitable and only recently rolled out of bed. I mumbled bonjour to a few people, found Justin, ate a banana and got to work again.

Over the course of the next few hours, we returned the space to its original condition -- as if we'd all done it a hundred times before. Then we all went outside and sat down at wooden tables (cows in moo-ing distance), set out glassware and china, and made a small dent in last night's leftovers. More toasts were made; costumes were donned; and we celebrated Baptiste's birthday in rustic style.

The traditional American "brunch" the morning after a wedding never seems deserved; a bunch of people who pigged out the previous evening agree to meet up ten hours later and pig out again. But this was different. This new family, loosely connected by Justin and Audrey, had labored for hours to restore order to the Saint-Hubert reception hall, and this was our reward. This made perfect sense.

la famille

Dishes were washed (again) and cars were packed and farewells were said, and we departed for Metz in the mid-afternoon. Odin and I threw our clothes into our suitcase and duffel bag, respectively, and Uncle Boobs accompanied us on the 10-minute walk to the Gare de Metz, where J&A were waiting for us. The five of us lingered on the train platform until the last possible moment, reflecting on a rather unbelievable week, and then we boarded and were gone.

Audrey's friend Carole was kind enough to lend Odin and I her pad for the evening in Paris. We took a short walk in the rain, ended up at a wine place, and I disappointed a waitress when I asked, in a further disappointing French accent, if we could have two glasses of the cheap one? I blew my last remaining euro on a large glass of something-or-other. Seven hours later, I woke up, showered, left the flat, boarded two trains and a shuttle, spent an hour with an array of French TSA officials, and made it to the gate with time to spare.

And on the eight-and-a-half hour flight to Philadelphia, when the sweet stench of garlic and red onions set off some kind of alarm and caused a premature landing in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean -- inflatable rafts and life jackets and all -- I knew that it was worth it.

- - -

Photos by Brian Leahy (obviously) for Joanna Wilson Photography

Groom-Friendly Giveaway: Thermometer Cufflinks!

2011-08-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing men love, it's shiny jewelry ... particularly when that jewelry is functional. Real men call that "fashionable functionality."

So today on The Groom Says, we have a special treat for all the real men out there -- and for all the ladies who want to gift something to the fashion forward men in their lives. BridesVillage.com, a great resource for wedding accessories, has agreed to give one Thermometer Cufflink Set to one of our loyal readers.

(Yes, as in, there are thermometers in the cufflinks.)

(Yes, they are both working thermometers.)

[click image to enlarge]

"Wow, is it like super hot up here at the altar, or is it just me?"

The thermometers are mounted into polished silver sidewalls and are seriously bad-ass, technically speaking. And to top it off, the cuffs come with a silver-plated, lightweight polymer case that comes with custom engraving and is virtually indestructible.

(Okay, I made up the "virtually indestructible" bit.)

The Groom Says: never lukewarm

To enter our GROOM-FRIENDLY GIVEAWAY, just leave a note in the comments section below and/or on The Groom Says Facebook page, telling us what you might engrave on the case. It can be humorous, sentimental, clever, offensive -- just keep it to 2 lines, 15 characters per line (letters and spaces are both considered characters). I'll be picking the best one from the bunch, and that person will receive a (wait for it) FREE pair of Thermometer Cufflinks (w/ engraved case) from Brides Village.

So comment below AND/OR comment on the TGS Facebook page. Do both, and that'll give you two separate chances to win ... provided you come up with two awesome (separate) engraving ideas.

Go on. Get creative.

And once you've done that, you're entered! Reward yourself by checking out the variety of groomsmen gifts available on Brides Village ... like this 1GB USB Flash Drive Keychain (geek groom) or this Deluxe Travel Cooler (outdoorsy groom). I'll announce the winner on Monday, August 22nd.

Let the comment wars begin.

- - -

Photos by Joanna Wilson Photography

Groom-friendly giveaway courtesy of Brides Village. Contest ends midnight PST on Sunday, August 21st. In full disclosure, Brides Village has provided me with a pair of these sweet cuffs (pictured above) in exchange for this post ... so I know first-hand how bad-ass they are. They'll most likely make an appearance at the next Twitter "Meat-Up."

Justin et Audrey: my BM gets hitched in the land of wine and cheese (Partie Un)

2011-08-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

On the eight-and-a-half hour flight from Paris' Charles de Gaulle airport to Philadelphia -- and on the subsequent five-hour flight from Philadelphia to LA -- my fellow passengers and I were consumed by the smell of garlic. I was immediately self-conscious but then thought, Wait, that's not possible. As promiscuous as this may sound, my hands had touched a million things (note I didn't say "a million people") between noon Friday and noon Monday: benches, mud, arugula, hors d'oeuvres, doilies, dish detergent, discarded doors, discarded veggies, two cats, two wedding rings, five Paris Metro railings, ten champagne bottles, dozens of TSA bins, and countless glasses of the most amazing viognier. The idea that I was the source of the smell was inconceivable...

And yet, the odor of a hundred peeled garlic cloves haunted me, stuck to me, boarded this Transatlantic flight with me -- Out, out damn garlic! -- along with just the faintest hint of raw onion.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's rewind a bit.

- - -

Justin and Audrey met in a classic film poster and bookstore on Hollywood Boulevard in the spring of 2010; Audrey was visiting Los Angeles at the time with two friends from France. (Pas une coïncidence.) They played pen pals for several months, sending each other gifts and postcards and YouTube links, speaking occasionally by Skype at 2am PST. Shortly after 2Es and I tied the knot on October 2nd, Justin visited and soon after proposed to Audrey in France. And just over nine months later, the two were married (see J's hand-drawn invitation above) in the Moselle province in Saint Hubert -- a village just thirty minutes from Audrey's home in Metz. There is nothing traditional about their road to marriage, and (likewise) there was nothing traditional about their rain-soaked, homemade August wedding.

As I mentioned in my rehearsal dinner toast, I've never known a bride to welcome two complete strangers into her apartment the week of her wedding, let alone allow them to dominate the living room. But because the French don't believe in stress (le stress), Audrey permitted Odin and I, International Co-Best Men, to crash on her spacious sofa and spare the expense of a hotel room. Occupying the modest apartment in the days leading up to her wedding were Justin, Audrey, Audrey's one-of-a-kind roommate Baptiste (who is both appropriately and inappropriately nicknamed "Uncle Boobs"), two Americans with little to no French under their belt, and Django.

Django traded room and board for this photo shoot, which he later described as "suffisant"

I arrived a day later than expected due to an incident with a suspicious odor (no, not garlic -- sulfur) on the first leg of my trip. I met Odin at CDG; together we bused to the Gare de l'Est station and took the hi-speed rail to the northeast corner of France; and when we rendezvoused with the bride and groom on the Gare de Metz train platform, they led us down cobblestone streets between pre-war buildings to Audrey's 4th floor apartment. I unsuccessfully convinced myself that I was both alert and prepared for a tour of the city before passing out on the couch for god knows how long.

Over the course of the next five days, Odin and I would discover the secret to the romanticized French lifestyle: bière et cigarettes at any given pub or restaurant, followed by a leisurely stroll (toujours avec la bière et les cigarettes) down worn and weathered alleys bathed in pools of auburn light, retiring no earlier than 4:30 in the morning and waking up no later than 8. Recovering from a trip to France involves a great deal of sleeping -- and no, it isn't the jet lag.

We spent Thursday afternoon with les Américains -- namely, Justin's family from Maryland -- exploring the city, eating pasta, drinking beer, walking down the fleuve de la Moselle (the Moselle River) and through the Centre Saint-Jacques, and futzing with a life-sized chess board at Metz Plage, the city's "built-in beach" throughout the month of August. Then we scurried to La Brasserie FLO for the dîner de répétition, where the crowd was half American and half French, and where the intermingling of those distinct halves was prompted with flowing beer and wine.

Bridesmaid Nathalie kickstarts the intermingling

I woke up the next morning at an unfriendly hour to an empty apartment (even Odin had scampered off somewhere), so I shaved and showered and dressed while Django terrorized a plastic hair band. Audrey and Justin returned to the apartment -- appearing somewhat frazzled for the first time that week -- and asked if I wanted to go with them. We were headed to their wedding site, though I didn't know it at the time. We raided a neighbor's refrigerator, packed the trunk and corners of the car and filled our laps with a month's worth of groceries, wine, a keg and a Co2 tank and drove half an hour outside of Metz to a farming village with a population of maybe eight.

Justin and the Roquettes

The groom put us to work immediately and gave us various chores in the kitchen -- including but not limited to peeling, dicing, chopping, washing, cleaning, dressing, food processing and saran wrapping.

Groom Justin getting his hands dirty -- and the remnants of his labor.

We would use a dish; we would wash a dish. Even the industrial-sized kitchen we had been blessed with was struggling to keep up with us.

Odin prepping a monster bowl of hummus

unboxed shit. We put up signs. Audrey pointed, and we worked.

In a matter of hours, we had turned a fridge full of groceries into five shelves of prepared dishes.

At a certain point, Odin turned to me and said, "Dude, it's 9 o'clock." I almost said, "A.M.?" Bride, groom, co-best men and a few friends had worked for nine hours straight. Most of us didn't get out of there until 10:30 in the evening; Uncle Boobs stayed behind to arrange some architectural lighting in the space.

And it was right around then, or maybe on the drive back to the city, that I discovered what the whole Best Man thing (Co- or not) is all about -- realizing that it had so little to do with standing up at the altar, or about handing off the rings at the right moment. It's about rolling up your sleeves in the 48 to 72 hours before the ceremony and doing whatever needs to be done. It's about keeping the groom's head in a good place and keeping the mood light and the music loud. And it's about dragging the groom kicking and screaming out of the reception hall on the eve of his wedding when he says that he wants to stay for like two more hours and get more stuff done.

We went out that night, no surprise, and met Baptiste and Justin's friend Matt at a bustling pub near the town center. We closed the bar and got kabobs and (French) fries and meandered through Metz, which is both eerie and perfect at that hour. We came across a pop-up badminton game in a plaza and shot the shit until (again) 4:30 in the morning and toasted our friend with each round of beer. We sat on the steps of old buildings and discussed politics and economics and peed in the street, and then we put Justin to bed. He was getting married in twelve hours.

- - -

Stay tuned for Part II -- coming Thursday! Revenez jeudi pour la Partie Deux!

Proposal Vid Contest

2011-08-13T14:33:00.000-07:00

There are just over two weeks left to enter Robbins Brothers' Share the Love video contest ... which rewards grooms who put a ring on it and have the video to prove it.

"For consideration, all contestants can submit their proposal video to Share The Love thru August 31. An internal panel of judges will select the top five videos which highlight an overall emotional connection to the video content, creativity with planning and executing the proposal and the recipient’s reaction."

So dig up your proposal video, gents. Or -- in the instance that you didn't film the big moment -- contact a local film director and promise him half of the grand that you'll undoubtedly win when he films your marriage proposal slash impromptu alligator wrestling on the banks of the "Amazon" River. Cut, edit and send before August 31st!

Visit Robbin Brothers' website for more details.

cheers,
brian

A Preview of Next Week (un aperçu de la semaine prochaine)

2011-08-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, Best Man Justin became Groom Justin ... which means that I got to spend an amazing week in the northeast of France with some amazing people ... and it means that we've got a lot of catching up to do.

What's happening next week on TGS?

1. my best friend gets married (parts I and II)

2. we give away some sweet ass cufflinks

3. we meet this guy

4. we re-define the role of the (Co) Best Man

5. more business with my yankees hat [video included]

6. did I mention that sweet giveaway? [custom engraving included]

and

7. I get back in the kitchen ...

... where the husband belongs

See you next week y'all!

-brian

Crossing the Aisle, Vol. XIII

2011-07-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

Just a heads up, boys and girls: The Groom Says will be on vacation next week. I'll be traveling to Best Man Justin's wedding in Metz in the northeast of France. Let's just call it research and leave it at that.

You should see the Best Man. (via Junebug Weddings)

Groom-Friendly Designs on the Bridal Blogs

We kick things off with a cool couple: Erin and Jason.

ERIN & JASON'S AUSTIN RECORD STORE ENGAGEMENT
via Katherine O'Brien Photography
Grooms gotta love this record store theme -- and Katherine's photos are stellar.

BBQ, ROCK 'N ROLL WEDDING
via Ruffled Blog
The only thing that can top a Texas record score engagement session is an outdoor, Texas BBQ wedding with musical icon table numbers. Check out the full gallery of images.

Old New York groom style ... via Green Wedding Shoes

THE COOLEST GROOM BOUTONNIERES YOU'LL SEE THIS WEEK
via Austin Wedding Blog
AWB gives us a much-needed reminder that boutonnieres need not be boring.

And on that note...

Hand-sewn felt boutonnieres ... via Green Wedding Shoes

HOW TO: TIE A BOW TIE
via Southern Weddings Magazine
Terrified of bow ties, groom? You're not alone. Take a few tips from the ladies at SW Magazine.

This groom got mad style ... via Junebug Weddings

Have a great week next week, ya'll. Keep an eye out for updates from France!
-brian

Last Minute Groom Gifts (an abducted 'Ask the Groom' post)

2011-07-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

Because The Knot hasn't yet realized just how lucrative this opportunity is -- to have an Ask the Groom column on their site where their 800 million+ brides can post questions about their fiance -- I've been forced to steal cries for help from their community message boards. Here's one from a troubled Knot user.

- - -

What the heck to get my groom?

My wedding is 12 days away. I have nothing for him. We agreed to spend $100 on each other a gift. I was set on doing a boudoir photography shoot! I (thought) I had a photographer, but she got shady and flaky and ended up booking up instead of returning my calls. Anyway, I have no idea what I am going to do now. Every other photographer I have talked to charges at least $250, and I just can't afford that here at the last minute. Ordering something online is kinda risky since we are so close to the wedding.

What did you get your groom? ANY suggestions? Anybody pull off their own b-pics?

- lexa10, Alabama

- - -

Hi Lexa,

Congrats on the upcoming wedding! Clearly you're in crisis mode. Let's problem solve.

To address that last question first -- I think do-it-yourself boudoir might be one of those things a person does because it seems like a great idea at the time but then regrets later in life (see: joint bachelor/bachelorette parties).

You don't have to look far to see where homemade, DIY boudoir has failed miserably in the past:

Don't make me show the other photo.

A spin on that idea, though, if you have your heart set on boudoir -- you could ask him to shoot it for you. He may not be Andy Warhol, but the final product won't be as important if he's the one behind the camera. I don't know any grooms who would turn down that opportunity.

But if you wouldn't let him hold your camera (let alone shoot with it), know that there are a million other options out there, and none of them involve shipping and handling. Also, don't give this gift any more weight than you already have. Your groom surely won't hold a grudge if, in the chaos of planning, you neglect to get him anything. You'll have plenty of time to make it up to him.

Some ACTUAL suggestions? Ok, fine.

MAKER'S MARK HITS THE MARK. I know lots of brides go for the booze, and while I'm not a huge whiskey guy, I think a high-quality bottle (well under the $100 budget) is a swell idea. A shot before the big event is the perfect cure for a stiff, nerve-wracked groom. Attach a note that reads, Try to save SOME of this for tonight.

OFF-TOPIC. Don't do the socks for "cold feet" or the wrought iron ball-and-chain gag gift. Why? Because it's too on the nose, for chrissake. A gift like that says I'VE GOT WEDDING ON THE BRAIN. I'M CONSUMED BY THOUGHTS OF WEDDING. I HAVE NO OTHER ORIGINAL THOUGHTS. Try to get something off-topic; in other words, think of it as a "just because" gift: a book he's been talking about (or maybe one you think he might like); a sweet new piece of camping or hiking gear if you guys are outdoorsy types; or a man-centric magazine subscription. Or something unexpected but still "him." A gift like this says Who knows you better than me? -- as opposed to WE'RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY! ARE YOU NERVOUS?!?!?!?!?!?

A NIGHT OFF. As involved a groom as I was, the last two weeks of wedding planning was like a drawn out nightmare. Everything demanded our immediate attention. We had a to-do list that would seemingly double or triple in size overnight. Every so-called "spare" moment was reserved for a wedding-related conversation. So consider organizing a relaxing morning/afternoon/night off with your groom -- one in which catering emails go unanswered, seating charts aren't revised and conversations have absolutely nothing to do with the wedding. See a movie. Bar hop. Trapeze. Whatever you decide to do, chances are you'll probably enjoy this gift even more than he does.

- - -

Kaufmann Mercantile: Artisanal Awesomeness (snowshoes included) + 15% Discount!

2011-07-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

The people at Kaufmann Mercantile have a genuine curiosity about the things we use everyday -- and not just how they work but how they're made, where they're made, and what makes them worthwhile. That curiosity is evident in their blog, which features a recent post on the history, various uses and production of ROPE.

So for guys and grooms like me who are addicted to sites like Uncrate and Hodinkee and are constantly inundated with new product porn, it's refreshing to find a company like Kaufmann Mercantile that cares as much about old school manufacturing as it does about new age technology.

I've pulled a few favorite gift options from KM's online store -- so scroll through, click on links for more details, check out their other goods (including some sweet graphic design and hardware products), and then use our exclusive DISCOUNT code at the bottom to start shopping.

Yes, shopping for yourself is perfectly acceptable.

- - -

GROOMSMEN GIFT OPTIONS, ABRIDGED

Wentworth Polished Pewter Flask, manufactured in Sheffield, England, and available in 4oz & 6oz - $54/$59

Magnesium Fire Starter, hand-crafted from naturally-shed elk antlers - $29.95

- - -

GROOM GIFT OPTIONS, ABRIDGED

Leather Head Handmade Football, designed with a layman's shrimpy hands in mind - $115

Classic shave kit w/ Muehle Safety Razor ($61), 5 Double-Edged Blades ($2), and Valobra Shaving Soaps ($12.50)

- - -

BRIDE & GROOM GIFT OPTIONS, ABRIDGED

(YES, EVEN THE BRIDES GET SOME LOVE)

Coffee done right: Chemex Handblown Coffeemaker ($65.90 - $87.90), Coava Kone Filter ($50), and Chemex Filters ($7.50/$8.00)

Market & Fruit Picking Pack, a rattan harvest pack to replace your moldy old picnic basket - $104 - $149

- - -

FINALLY, A GROOM MUST-HAVE

Walk down the aisle in these bad boys, handmade in Shingleton, Michigan, by the last wooden shoe company in the United States - starting at $248.

- - -

Because the guys and gals at KM are so fond of you all, they're giving you an exclusive discount. Just plug in THEGROOMSAYS15% at checkout, and it'll knock 15% off the total cost. (Code is valid through August 31st.)

Click HERE to visit the Kaufmann Mercantile online store.

- - -

If you have any questions about KM or their products, visit their website or contact them directly at contact@kaufmann-mercantile.com. Follow KM on Twitter @KaufmannMerc.

The Groom's Cure for Wedding Planning Stress

2011-07-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

For those grooms (and brides) who can't start a blog to release their frustrations (Who would do such a thing?), how's about an old back room bar tradition:

I definitely wouldn't use "Master" to describe our skill level.

2Es' mom stayed with us last week and, seeing a missed opportunity, drilled a few holes in the wall beside our fridge and added our dart board (which had been featured last October at our rehearsal dinner) to our vast collection of kitchen artwork. Thanks Mom-in-Law!

Now the married couple, we get a few rounds in on the weekends or while we're cooking ... but grooms and brides might use this drunk man's sport to settle a wedding disagreement.

She let me win this round. She didn't want to embarrass me on my own blog.

Be forewarned -- if you're as skilled as we are, the space below your dart board may look like this after a very short time. (I see some caulking and painting in our near future.)

And this was before we started drinking.

The dart board is currently available on Amazon for $41.27 and includes 6 brass darts (not the awesome Great Britain v USA weaponry shown above).

Chalkboard paint available at most paint and art stores. Thanks to my MIL for that kitchen addition as well!

- - -

Photos by Brian Leahy for Joanna Wilson Photography

Crossing the Aisle, Vol. XII

2011-07-21T23:58:00.000-07:00

Lots to see this week. Let's get this party started.

Groom-Friendly Designs on the Bridal Blogs

A couple's portrait that we can roll with ... via Green Wedding Shoes

MUSTANG SALLY
via Grey Likes Weddings
Somehow Groom Mark manages to convince his bride-to-be that their engagement session should take place in, on and around (and be primarily about) his Ford classic. And for that, Mark is our Groom of the Month.

"Dude, I think someone just tagged "MILF" on the front of your barn" ... via La Belle Bride

RHODE ISLAND WOODSY WEDDING
via Ruffled Blog
Wedding in the woods with a kick-ass menu, stellar graphics, specialty cocktails in honor of the B&G's grandparents, and rub-on tattoos at the reception. This one's worth checking out, men.

21st century groom style ... via Ever Ours

LOVE IN THE BACK OF A TRUCK
via Ever Ours
Yet another engagement session set in, on and around a beat-up old vehicle ... this time with the backdrop of a post-apocalyptic gas station.

Appropriate signage ... via Wedding Chicks

Check in next week - we'll be doing an improper hat initiation ("ugh, more with the hat?") + introducing a new source for groom/groomsmen gifts - with an exclusive discount. You heard me.

Get on that weekend, readers!

Ask the Groom: Boudoir Photography

2011-07-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Groom,

What's your take on boudoir sessions as gifts for hubbies? What do you think of them being published online for the world to see?

(from HiLLjO)

- - -

As many of you know, 2Es and I run a modest photography business in Los Angeles, specializing in portraiture (children, families, engagement shoots). She's the true talent, and I pop in now and then to assist and art direct and sometimes suggest an alternative angle.

I think it was three years ago now that 2Es shot her first boudoir session with an acting colleague. Meg had approached her in private, telling 2Es that she wanted to do something special for her husband for their 5-year anniversary. I had never heard of such a thing. "So - um - I guess I won't be assisting you on this one."

"No, you definitely won't," she said.

Rock-out boudoir ... via Rock n Roll Bride, © Live It Out Photo

Do I think the boudoir shoot makes for a great groom gift, or a great gift at any point in your relationship? Absolutely. Especially when the groom would least expect it. Especially for brides who are typically reserved and conservative and would never find themselves in a Maxim-style photo shoot.

(Okay, maybe a little classier than Maxim.)

Beach Boudoir ... via Green Wedding Shoes, © Red Leaf Studios

(Okay, maybe a LOT classier than Maxim.)

And on the issue of publishing them on bridal blogs, for "all the world" to see (the "world" being thousands of brides and dozens of grooms and the occasional perv who browses wedding websites) ... I think it's an important discussion to have. In this groom's humble opinion, the guy should definitely be consulted before the photos appear on the front page of the 100 Layer Cake blog.

But I think too that grooms should keep an open mind. I could predict that a natural reaction for most guys would be to protect their better half ... to protect her from the "horrors of the internet," to maintain some kind of privacy, to keep something sacred. But in a world in which Katy Perry's breasts have made more magazine covers than the Dalai Lama, I don't believe much is sacred.

Well, marriage is. Marriage is sacred. But a dozen bedroom pics of your lady in her lady-skivvies isn't going to taint the sanctity of marriage, no matter how conservative you may be (politically or in the bedroom).

Abandoned mansion boudoir ... via Brooklyn Bride, also © Live It Out Photo

More importantly, groom, a big component of the boudoir session is empowerment. And for those women who see their photographs and see in those photographs a beauty that they haven't seen before, sharing them with the world wide web (pervs or not) might be a huge (and hugely important) act of self-expression -- and self-worth.

You won't see 2Es' photos of Meg on this blog or her blog or any other because Meg had no intention of publishing those images or sharing them with anyone but her hubby. For her, undressing in front of a photographer/acquaintance was already a boundary-pusher. For others, that won't be the case.

Couples boudoir ... via The Knotty Bride, © Acres of Hope Photography

HiLLjO - thank you, not only for the inspiration for the post but for the inspiration for a photo shoot we now have "in the works." I will say nothing more about it ... except that it will further solidify how I feel about publicizing the highly personal. Let your imagination go where it may.

- - -

If there's something you'd like to Ask the Groom,

email me by clicking HERE.

Out With the Old, In With the New (Era)

2011-07-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Wait - wait a second. Is this seriously a post about his freakin' hat? The one his friends and family have been watching decay over the past who knows how many years? The one he'll sweat through in boot camp and then leave on the windowsill to dry? The one he'll actually wear to formal events and refer to it as "vintage"?! Are we actually doing this?

Yes, we're actually doing this. Because for the last eleven weeks, I've been browsing the bridal blogs, searching for content for the Crossing the Aisle posts. And I've seen my fair share of posts about designer high heels and birdcage veils and wedding-appropriate undies and whatnot.

Well, this is the man version. This is groom fashion: the evolution of a baseball cap. I got no shame.

[click photos to enlarge]

[Some background info:]

I bought this cap the morning of my first Subway Series game because, at the time, I had no legit Yankees gear. I ran into the Fulton Mall Modell's in Brooklyn and picked this weathered hat off the shelf (I swear, it blew in off the street one afternoon and the Modell's staff stuck a price tag on it).

In spring of 2010, I wore the hat every night and twice on Saturday as Rick in The Irish Curse. Our assistant stage manager Graham would spray me from head to toe before I went onstage (the setting was a rainy Wednesday evening in Brooklyn Heights), making sure to soak the brim of the cap for an authentic look.

Clockwise from top left: discoloration; tattered fabric; unidentifiable blue dots; and severely frayed bill

The hat even made several appearances at our wedding:

chillin' on the couch

wearing 2Es' engagement ring

In recent days, I've had to accept the fact that the hat is on its way out. Like a legendary jersey, retirement is imminent.

So I come home the other night ... and look what 2Es has waiting for me on the kitchen table.

My wonderful wife knows me all too well

It's blue, as it's meant to be, not a rusted, reddish-brown. 2Es did some research online, dropped by Lids, and tracked down a (brand new) identical cap. Out with the old and in with the new, as they say. Like the logo at the top of this page ... it's a new beginning.

- - -

Wedding photos by Suthi Picotte Photography

Additional photography by Brian Leahy for Joanna Wilson Photography

Crossing the Aisle, Vol. XI

2011-07-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

A quick note before we jump into this week's Crossing the Aisle: if 2Es and I appear to be off-the-map next week ... it's because we are. We don't want you to come find us. She and I will be poolside at an undisclosed location with our iPad and MacBook, respectively. We've decided that we need a few days outside of the city to unwind and make progress on our passion projects. We'll be back Wednesday evening, fully tanned and fully unprepared to return to reality.

Okay, on with the show, beginning with this groom-friendly engagement shoot at a public library.

Chalkboard cleverness ... via Ever Ours

DEAR ESB: IS A WHITE DINNER JACKET A TERRIBLE IDEA?
via 100 Layer Cake (and East Side Bride)
ESB addresses one bride's groom-related fashion question and tells us when and where white dinner jackets are appropriate ...

We can roll with these vintage poker chip bouts ... via Green Wedding Shoes

BAD-ASS BACHELOR BASHES ON A BUDGET

via The Broke-Ass Bride

On Episode 3 of Broke-Ass TV, Hunter (aka the Fresh Hubby) gives us the O-K to not break the bank when planning a bachelor party.

"Dude, someone wrote on your shoes..." via Landlocked Bride.

UNCOVERING SOUTHERN TRADITIONS: THE GROOM'S CAKE

via Southern Weddings

Marissa at SW gives us a brief lesson on the tradition and evolution of the groom's cake ... which is not the same, mind you, as a traditional Southern boob cake.

Starting to see a trend now ... via Wedding Chicks

Great weekend, everyone!

-brian

Engagement Shoot Emergency Kit ... For Men

2011-07-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, Wedding Chicks introduced an Engagement Shoot Emergency Kit for brides, complete with all of the beauty essentials that one might need while being photographed in a corn field in the middle of nowhere. It contains only the essentials: lip balm, concealer, comb, cuticle eraser, and so on. All of these must-haves would fit neatly in a mini make-up bag, which could easily be carried with you for 2 to 3 hours and not be a burden.

So we thought it was only appropriate that we introduce an Engagement Shoot Emergency Kit for the Groom, emergency-only items that are essential, practical and not at all cumbersome or unwieldy. Only the essentials.

And look - it all fits neatly into an oversized Costco shopping cart, which can easily be pushed through the sand and stored beneath the pier for the duration of the shoot.

[click to enlarge]

1. Nose hair trimmer. To get those pesky little hairs protruding from your face holes.
2. Yo-Yo. In case you get bored during the shoot.
3. iPad. In case you get bored and you're not 8 years old.
4. Clif bar. For that essential boost of energy mid-shoot.
5. Smelling salts. In case #4 isn't effective.
6. Phone-A-Dude. A 3-minute conversation with a fellow male. "Dude, read me the sports page. Or just scream a bunch of obscenities at me. I've been smiling like an ass**** for two hours straight."
7. Traveling bar. Leather case, velvet interior, shaker, strainer, jigger, tongs, glasses, napkins and 2 mini, not at all cumbersome, very much essential bottles of liquor.
8. Ryan Reynolds. You're on-hand stand-in. Not only does he look exactly like you, but your lady surely won't mind.

- - -

Groomsmen Gift Idea: Bocce Ballin'

2011-07-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

To all of my summer grooms who are looking for a unique groomsmen gift (or groomsmen looking for a unique groom's gift) ... check out Restoration Hardware's kick-ass new Bocce set.

What groomsmen doesn't want a fresh set of balls?

This "gentleman's" Bocce set is in rustic crate with rope handles, brass hardware and all the game essentials. The set is available by catalog and online only for $59.49. Get on it, grooms.

Crossing the Aisle Vol. X + Open Groom Casting

2011-07-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

It's FRIDAY! And what does that mean? It means we stop writing about man-gerie and banana hammocks and pretend to be a little more sensitive.

(Just kidding, ladies.)

FRIDAY means that it's time for Crossing the Aisle!, our weekly tribute to groom-friendly designs on the web's most popular bridal blogs. Also -- scroll to the bottom to read about Oprah's latest expression of groom love.

Let the aisle-crossing begin!

Loose women we don't mind. It's the ski bums that we take issue with. (via The Sweetest Occasion)

RAD SAVE THE DATE VIDEO
via Brooklyn Bride
When brides ask how their grooms can get involved in the planning process, one of my many recommendations is that the groom take charge of the Save the Date (leaving the official invite in the bride's hands). This rock-infused Save-the-Date video is precisely why.

Grey and green and groomsmen ... via La Belle Bride

A VINTAGE CALIFORNIA WEDDING: ASHLEY + IAN
via Green Wedding Shoes
Three things for grooms to admire about this wedding: (1) the wall of books, serving as a backdrop for the dessert bar; (2) the wall of clocks, serving as a giant (metaphorical) backdrop for the ceremony; and (3) Groom Ian's choice to tattoo a vintage key on his finger in lieu of a wedding ring. That's some badass symbolism right there.

"With this tattoo, I thee wed."

A NEW VIEW ON MEN'S WEDDING ACCESSORIES
via Brides.com
As part of his "Groom Stuff" series, Phillip Crook introduces us to the surprisingly affordable Warby Parker designer frames collection.

Read your vows in style

AN ELEGANT, URBAN, FOOD TRUCK WEDDING IN BROOKLYN: AMY + MICHAEL
via 100 Layer Cake
Food Truck Weddings live on! This "with it" Brooklyn couple hired three different New York-based food trucks with three very different cuisines to cater their wedding: Schnitzel & Things, the Country Boys Taco Truck and the Rickshaw Dumpling Truck.

- - -

Before we all scatter and scurry to do our weekend business, let's talk about Oprah. We're 1 for 1 with the queen of television; remember, she and organizer guru Peter Walsh came into our home back in December and organized / cleaned up / renovated / upgraded 2Es' office space. She was in the [I forget the month] issue of O Magazine. She's, like, famous.

Now Oprah is tackling grooms on her OWN (the world) Network. The UK show Don’t Tell the Bride is about giving grooms the money and the power to design a dream wedding ... in 3 weeks. Naturally, hilarity and chaos ensue. Here's hoping that Oprah and the producers don't spin the show to make grooms look like reckless idiots.

Um, have you seen any episode of any reality TV show ... EVER?!

Yeah, I know, I know.

So DTTB is currently casting dynamic couples who are engaged but lack the funds to have a dream wedding. Each episode focuses on one couple (who are incommunicado during the planning) and what it took to make the wedding happen.

So if you're over 21 years of age, currently engaged, and willing and able to get legally married between August and September of this year, it's worth checking out. Email bride@shedmediaus.com with the following info:

Your names
Your phone numbers
Your emails
Your resident cities
A few sentences about you and why you are an ideal couple for the show
Where you are in the wedding process
A current photo of the two of you

Happy weekend everybody!

-brian

Ceremony Readings: Me and Shel Silverstein

2011-07-06T23:56:00.000-07:00

As a writer, my primary goal for our wedding ceremony was to find texts that reflected us as a couple, that embodied our sense of humor, and that avoided religion at all costs.

I search endlessly online -- not for texts but for ideas. How do you make it your own? How do you find something that hasn't been done before?? Every piece of writing I encountered in my every day was a possibility: the backside of parking tickets; nutritional information; the messages on urinal cakes.

Then, one morning, 2Es and I raided the children's section at Borders, read through ALL of his books, and came across a poem that matched our intentions. It's called ATIONS.

I've loved Shel since I was a kid. Back then, I thought he was weird. Today, I'm convinced that that man was nothing short of a genius.

Unfortunately, his poem didn't end on the right note. I could just envision our guests' faces, puzzled; I could predict their confusion. So (being a writer), I decided to write an addendum to the poem. Feeling ballsy, I put my own spin on Silverstein.

We printed out the wording, highlighted "parts" for my siblings, and taped the text into the pages of the book. This way, from our guests' perspective, they were reading straight out of A Light in the Attic.

A few of our relatives and friends who attended the wedding have asked that I publish the text. So for them -- and for those people who feel like they're stuck and can't find a single ****ing poem or song with wedding-friendly prose or lyrics -- here's the proof that all that searching pays off in the end.

ATIONS
by Shel Silverstein (and Brian Leahy)
performed by my brother & sister

BRO

If we meet and I say, "Hi,"

That's a salutation.

If you ask me how I feel,

That's consideration.

SIS

If we stop and talk awhile,

That's conversation.

And if we understand each other,

That's communication.

BRO

If we argue, scream and fight,

That's an altercation.

SIS

If we later apologize,

That's reconciliation.

BRO

If we help each other home,

That's cooperation.

SIS

And all these "ations" added up

Make civilization.

BRO

Now Brian and Jo -- their paths crossed

During their higher education.

Two kids bonding in acting class

Over lack of pigmentation.

SIS

And call it what you will --

Be it coincidence,

Or ... electromagnetic radiation --

They bonded instantly.

They were meant for each other.

No exaggeration.

BRO

And after six years of flirtation,

And co-habitation,

And one cross-country relocation...

SIS

...we've made it here, to the celebration

of this perfectly logical pair formation.

BRO

And if there's one thing they don't have today,

It's hesitation.

SIS

If there's one thing they do have,

It's each other --

[PAUSE]

BOTH

-- ation.

Photo © Noah Devereaux

Honey, Where's My Harness, or "the Man-gerie Post"

2011-07-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

I've been pestering The Knot for some time about adding an Ask the Groom column to their website, a "safe place" where brides and brides-to-be can pose questions, and I would answer them the only way I know how: by substituting helpful responses for caddy remarks.

So I stole a great question from The Knot's community message board and delivered an inappropriate groom response. Here goes:

I bought some sexy lingerie for our honeymoon, and asked my husband ... to get something a little more fun than his Hanes. After looking at *every* store in the mall (or so he claims) he couldn't find anything silky, animal print, or in any way more interesting than his everyday underoos.

I'm not looking for anything kinky - and we're both definitely ok with something we're more likely to laugh about than to take as seriously sexy. But we need some suggestions about where to shop!

P.S. He wears boxers or boxer-briefs. No banana hammocks! :)

- from mimi4347 in St. Louis

Dear Mimi,

Nothing "kinky?" No banana hammocks? Well that sucks the fun right out of jockwear!

Okay, slings and thongs aside, your hubby does still have a few options available to him. Where you went wrong, Mimi, was sending him to out into the wilderness (i.e. the mall) alone, unprotected, with no real sense of direction. Of course he didn't go to every store in the mall. He probably slipped into Victoria's Secret, thinking that was his best choice. Perhaps he saw a product he thought might work but was disheartened when a nearby employee asked, "Would that be a gift for your wife?" He got the f*** out of there and spent the next three hours in the massage chairs at Brookstone.

For the guy who's real shy about buying undies (and that's the majority of us), online might be the best first-time option. Lingerie Diva has a whole section devoted to men's personals. Mimi, I'm sure you'll love the Poly/Spandex Fitted Boxer in leopard print, the HOT Men's Leather Shorts (they capitalized HOT, not me), and the Mens Double the Pleasure Fishnet Short, now on sale for $15.40.

The Knot probably wouldn't be able to publish this photo, but I sure as hell can. That's right, there's holes in the front and the back.

Mimi, this may be SLIGHTLY too kinky for you ... but at least it's not the 4-Piece Leather Harness.

In all seriousness, the site does have some "Enhancing Briefs" and "Mini Shorts" and "Microfiber" something-or-others that your hubby won't mind and will bring some added sexiness into the hotel room. And if you want to spice things up on the last night of the trip, you can't go wrong with these "Strip Search" 5- and 3-piece sets:

Officer and Prisoner, $19.89 and $23.89 respectively. Comes with "Sgt. Dick Amazing" name badge.

The better option, in my opinion, is to send him to a specific store (for Los Angelenos I suggest Hustler Hollywood) with detailed instructions, i.e. I want you to get one thing you think is hilarious, and one thing you think is potentially very sexy. If he's nervous about it, tell him to go as soon as the store opens. No one is shopping for vibrators at 9AM.

Actually, that's probably inaccurate.

Hilarious option vs. Sexy option. Or vice versa. I don't judge.

Finally, ladies, if you're really adventurous (and really trusting), maybe a boutique like Sugar Lilie is the place for you. Sugar Lilie (which is LA-based) hosts a quarterly event called Men-Clave, which invites men (and men alone) to spend an evening learning about becoming comfortable with lingerie. And yes, some of their top products are modeled for the boys while they sit back and sip beer. For guys, as my wife puts it, it's a win-win situation.

(It's like a strip club ... minus the nudity ... in a lingerie store. It's educational.)

What I suggest, Mimi and Husband, is that you not rule out "kinky" from the get-go. Be adventurous. Drift into your discomfort zone. If the first night of the trip is reserved for more conservative evening-wear, then perhaps the leather harness will make an appearance on Margarita Night. After all, putting your husband in a collar is kind of like a metaphor for marriage.

How to Subscribe to TGS

2011-07-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

Subscribers to The Groom Says have reported delirium, vivid dreams and an indifference to all things not related to grooms.

Hit that "Get the Groom" link to the right to get TGS delivered directly to your inbox. The first email may or may not come with cookies.

*Note: The Groom Says does not guarantee cookies.

Happy Fourth of July, readers!

cheers,

brian

Crossing the Aisle Vol. IX + Must-Do Contest + Good Heavens!

2011-06-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

To kick off a busy Friday morning wrap-up: a huge THANK YOU to our friend, image consultant and groom savior, Julie Rath of Rath & Co. This week Julie lent us her design sense and expertise and a handful of invaluable groom tips. Check out our edition of Stump the Stylist (at Kmart, for chrissake) and the tour of the sinfully groom-friendly Michael Andrews Bespoke studio, where Julie unveiled three amazing rehearsal dinner looks.

Note how the yellow accents coordinate with my pocket square.

Two, if you haven't yet entered the #wedlux giveaway sponsored by our pal Chris at The Man Registry (along with our friends at Gigmasters, Greenvelope, SmartBride Boutique and Wishpot), then you should seriously consider having yourself committed. They're giving away $1,500 in merch and services, people! Brides, Grooms - click this link to get the full scoop, read about all the ways to enter, and do so before July 13th.

Go. I'll wait.

OH - and great news, men. GoodHEAVENS, crazy talented tie designer and manufacturer, has been getting all kinds of love from all of the lady blogs these last couple months. Unfortunately, until recently, they were unable to ship to the states. So my gift to you today, because I'm in a giving kind of mood, is a link to their Etsy storefront. Fifteen styles for sale, all for $33 (absurd price) + $7 for US shipping. $40 all together for an awesome tie. You deserve it, groom.

Do it. I'll wait.

Finally, let's jump into our weekly series: Groom-Friendly Designs on the Bridal Blogs. Here goes:

Men of the Wood: a new musical ... via Green Wedding Shoes

A WHIMSICAL WOODLAND WEDDING: TRISHIA + JUSTIN
via Green Wedding Shoes
There's a couple things grooms can appreciate about this wedding, and no, it's not the "whimsical" element. But it might be the raccoon love ... and the geek lumberjack attire (see above) ... and the fact that their "unity symbol" is a bottle of Jameson. These are my kind of people.

THE FRESH HUBBY ... IN PRINT!
via Broke-Ass Bride
Our good friend and fellow groom activist Hunter Stiebel, the one and only "Fresh Hubby," is now a contributing editor to Destination Weddings and Honeymoons magazine, providing a manly dose of advice in every issue. Congrats Hunter! Click the link above to read his first article on destination bachelor parties.

You know a groom sketched out these vows ... via Ruffled Blog

STOCKING THE WEDDING BAR: THE RIGHT WINE AT THE RIGHT PRICE
via Lovely Little Details
Honestly, I'm jealous I didn't think of this first. On Tuesday, Jacin at LLD invited the sales manager at Colene Clemens Vineyard to provide some insight and tell you everything you need to know about wine and weddings and wine at weddings. Read on, grooms.

And to close:

This was the vegetarian buffet ... via Southern Weddings Magazine.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Julie Rath Takes Us Shopping: Part II of our NYC excursion

2011-06-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

Walking into this room...

...is a bit like walking into this room...

...but without all the golden ticket politics and singing and wallpaper licking.

Assuming the role of Gene Wilder in a purple coat is a man who has (I imagine) never worn a purple coat, and that man is Michael Andrews, founder and CEO of Michael Andrews Bespoke. In place of the oversized lollipops and edible teacups and rivers of chocolate, there's this fully stocked bar:

As part of our search for the perfect Rehearsal Dinner look (and after a round of Stump the Stylist at Kmart), Julie Rath invited me to the MAB studio to check out their operation.

Here's the thing -- MAB isn't just a custom tailor. It's a place for men to hang out, have some scotch, fiddle with cuff links, get comfortable with formal attire. It's the kind of joint that has a Wii and a billiards table and a full kitchen downstairs, all available for use. Add in the fact that MAB is tucked away down an unpresuming SoHo alleyway, and it's a Man Cave in every sense of the term. As their website states, We are not your father's custom tailor.

Top left: not mints. Bottom right: not tissues.

Sensory grooms, such as myself, need to feel up every tie and pocket square in the store.

After gawking at and ultimately manhandling the merchandise, I asked Julie to pull three awesome Rehearsal Dinner outfits. Why rehearsal dinner? Well, because we hear about wedding attire all the time. And, honestly, there are a million resources out there for day-of groomwear. The rehearsal dinner is the first time you see the majority of your guests, and the first time they see you. This is your first impression. How you look (and, consequently, how you feel) sets the tone for the whole weekend.

Here's a tip to start us off: get yourself a pair of magnetic collar stays. They're incredibly handy and surprisingly inexpensive. I'm buying myself a new pair to kick off the summer. Happy Summer, me.

Julie's first ensemble is the dressiest of the three, apropos for a modern, city-dwelling groom (and actually very similar to what I wore on my wedding day). You'll notice how the sharp, solid suit is contrasted with what Julie calls a "friendly" tie.

[click photos to enlarge]

Navy suit ($1,595), blue dress shirt ($205), Drake's London tie ($135), pocket square ($65), and Scarpe di Bianco shoes (starting at $895)

A quick note about belts, because you won't see them in any of the looks pictured here. Why is that? Well, MAB pants are custom-fitted, so you can nix the belt. You can also opt for side adjusters, which make belts obsolete. Groom stylist Julie says she's not biased -- it really comes down to your personal preference.

Look #2 is one step down from the previous outfit, i.e. perfect for a slightly more casual event. Note, grooms, how the navy shoes coordinate with the knit tie. Check out Johnston & Murphy online for very affordable no-show socks and other accessories.

Cotton/cashmere chino suit ($1,995), pink gingham shirt ($225), Thomas Pink knit tie ($85), pocket square ($65) and Scarpe di Bianco shoes (starting at $895)

The final look is the most casual, but it may also be the most detailed (note the tipping on the pocket square, the pewter on the buttons). Your custom tailor and image consultant understand that the true success of an outfit lies in the details ... and will know when to keep it simple with a white collared shirt (see below).

Sportcoat ($1,355), white shirt ($225), Levi's denim jeans (starting at $40), and pocket square ($65)

Having hung out in the Bespoke studio long past my welcome, I can tell you that it's certainly worth a visit. Go for the Wii and leave with a kick-ass, fitted, immaculate suit. And if you're nice, maybe Julie will do your color analysis (see below). 2Es is autumn. I'm a summer. And apparently the color brown doesn't complement me whatsoever. My thirteen-year-old self, a big fan of "brown," wishes he'd known that fourteen years ago.

Whether it's your image, your style or your wardrobe that needs a renovation, call or email Julie to set up a consultation: julie@rathandco.com or (917) 439-5787. And then send me a photo of you sipping bourbon while you fondle the tie pins. You lucky bastard.

- - -

Note: All of the suits and jackets pictured above are selections from the Michael Andrews Bespoke Platinum Collection. All looks and styles were handpicked by Julie Rath.

Images Courtesy of Joanna Wilson Photography

Finding the Perfect Rehearsal Dinner Attire w/ Julie Rath: Part I

2011-06-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

Julie Rath had no idea what she was getting into when she agreed to meet us at the Astor Place Starbucks during our most recent visit to New York. Julie and I had never met in person, only communicated via email and Twitter, and she had contributed a fantastic guest post to The Groom Says back in March. (I'm now a neck-wear aficionado thanks to her.) For this trip, Julie had organized a visit to Michael Andrews Bespoke studio in SoHo (a groom safe haven of sorts), just a short walk from Astor Place.

But there we were, 2Es and I -- 2Es sporting a rather intimidating camera, me sporting what my mother would call a shit-eating grin -- with a somewhat skewed plan for the afternoon.

Because right across the street is every stylist's dream -- a three-story Kmart -- and that would be our first (surprise) stop of the afternoon. Julie would later refer to it as the "Stump the Stylist" segment, and sure, I guess that was part of it. But I also wanted to see what Julie could throw together on the slimmest of budgets. Better yet, I wanted to see if it was possible to assemble a stylist-approved rehearsal dinner outfit at one of the Always Low Prices megastores.

"We're doing this!"

Julie, an image consultant, personal stylist and founder of Rath & Co., was all about it, jumping right into the challenge and shuffling through a table piled high with bargain dress shirts. [Tip #1:] Julie recommends that grooms keep their distance when it comes to clip-on ties (of course) and add a pocket square in order to "bump" the outfit to the next level.

She put me to work as well, telling me to comb the racks for a shirt-tie set that would compliment almost any groom. Somehow we ended up choosing the same combo.

"I DO have good taste!" says the guy in the tattered ball cap.

I couldn't help but pull Julie into a quick round of Yes or No, in which I move through the maze that is 2nd floor menswear and pull questionable items from the shelves, items grooms might consider as part of their rehearsal dinner attire. Julie, in her fashionable wisdom, gives a hesitant thumbs up or an enthusiastic thumbs down.

Thumbs down? Camouflage. Hiking mandals (the man sandals with velcro and bungee cords). Boxers (tend to bunch). Hawaiian shirts. Checks and plaids on short grooms (meaning me).

Thumbs up? Chinos (outside of Kmart, Julie likes Bonobos brand). Linen suits as opposed to Hawaiian shirts for destination weddings. Boxer-briefs. Suspenders on bulkier grooms.

Thumbs way down.

Most grooms can feel lost when it comes to clothing. Grooms who wear jeans and t-shirts on a daily basis may not know how to upgrade their wardrobe. So where do those grooms turn for help?

Well, Julie says [Tip #2:] grooms should look to the setting of the event for inspiration. Look at the rehearsal dinner venue, the season, whether it will be an indoor or outdoor event. And look to your bride! The thing is -- a tie-and-blazer combo is just as suitable as a polo. Your job, groom, is to fit the occasion.

Other places to go for help? [Tips #3-5:] Look to blogs and magazines, keeping an eye out for well-dressed grooms and noting brands you like. Find a tailor (or image consultant) that you trust, who will tell you what colors and styles look good on you. And, once you've done your homework, get to the mall, groom. Go to three different stores and try things on. It's really the only way you'll know what works for you.

After fifteen minutes of browsing, Julie had assembled something that she was (mildly) happy with. The Batman underwear may have been my idea.

(Clockwise from top left:) David Taylor short sleeve plaid shirt; Batman logo briefs; Farah performance dress chinos; and Thom McAn Kendrick Leather Driving Moc in navy.

All in all -- "all" meaning the four items above plus a braided belt for $9.99 and a pair of cotton cushion "fashion" socks for $4.99 -- the outfit comes out to $91.94 before tax. If this was, in fact, Stump the Stylist ... then Julie managed to put together a groom-worthy ensemble for under $100.

Catch Part II of our attire excursion on Thursday, when Julie gives us a tour of Michael Andrews Bespoke (I might just name our first child after them), presents three Rehearsal Dinner options that are pure class, and shows us why we should actually consider getting our color analysis done.

Grooms, you need help. Click here to contact Julie about scheduling a consultation, or call her directly at (646) 434-7842.

- - -

All photographs © Joanna Wilson Photography

Guest Post: Wedding Night Jitters and Critters

2011-06-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

Stop by The Man Registry today and read my latest guest post:

PUTTING THE "FEST" BACK IN INFESTATION:
HOW TO AVOID BED BUGS ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT

Chris has actually prefaced the post with a disclaimer and note of caution. I couldn't be more proud.

Cheers,
Brian

Crossing the Aisle Vol. VIII

2011-06-24T18:32:00.000-07:00

Next week -- watch out for the two-part post with awesome groom fashion guru and image consultant Julie Rath. For now, bask in some groom-friendly style, brought to you by the bridal blogs.

This one's a no-brainer

A STARBUCKS PROPOSAL STORY
via Green Wedding Shoes
Shane is Groom of the Month, no question. Because their first date took place at a Starbucks, he essentially brought Starbucks to the outdoors (props for not proposing in an actual Starbucks, Shane). Click on the link to GWS' post to check out all the details and planning that went into this kick-ass proposal, including the personalized iTunes download cards.

DIY Pencil Holder
via The Sweetest Occasion
No, this isn't the manliest link we've promoted here on TGS ... but we are always looking for ways to get involved. This Do-It-Himself project involves a saw, a piece of wood, a belt sander and a drill. Get to work, men.

When life gives you a piece of wood, make a wooden pencil holder.

INEXPENSIVE OPTIONS: GROOMSMEN GIFTS
via Kiss My Tulle
Kris gives us some gift options that won't break the bank. I mean, we love our groomsmen, we do ... but we also just spent $12K to feed a hundred people.

Outdoorsy groom attire via Ruffled Blog

REAL GAY ENGAGEMENT: DREW AND JOE
via So You're Engayged
I'm partial to this last link -- 2Es' engagement shoot with Los Angeles locals Drew and Joe. Joanna shot in LA's Downtown Arts District and at the LACMA street lamp exhibit, per the couple's request. This is Joanna's second appearance on So You're Engayged (her first was a real wedding in Connecticut with Herb and Alan, published in the fall of '09).

Found on the streets of NYC

2011-06-11T06:55:00.001-07:00

Look closely.

The old 19th Street Loews (where I once took a blind date to see Bowling for Columbine ... it didn't work out) is only showing wedding movies. We haven't seen Something Borrowed but with a 15% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, I don't see it in our future.

On to a rainy day in New York City. Super 8 anyone?

Being MIA Because We're NYC

2011-06-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

Hello readers!

Forgive me ... I've been absent this week, and I hate to be. But I promise I have good cause.

1. 2Es and I are in New York as of this morning. We red-eyed over from LAX last night, and we're still a little droopy from three hours of sleep. [Typo typo typo.] 2Es has got several photo shoots lined up this week, and we're attending our friend Gill's wedding in the Berkshires next weekend. Photos to follow!

2. Coming soon: more pics at The Art of Shaving -- this time at their Madison Avenue, New York location.

3. I've been preparing for our second groom style installment with fashion expert Julie Rath. I'll be meeting up with Julie on Tuesday and asking her to pull some rehearsal dinner attire options for us at awesome custom tailor Michael Andrews Bespoke + one other undisclosed location. Keep an eye out for that post in late June.

4. Also coming soon: another edition of our Thinking Outside the [Boutonniere] Box series. Click here to see the Respectfully Ego-Centric Boutonniere Collection (series #1).

5. And more stuff? Yes, more stuff. Operation The Groom Says: The Book is real and happening. All new material. A whole new level of raunchiness.

6. And we'll continue with our Crossing the Aisle series next week. For now, a groom-friendly image from our friend Vane at Brooklyn Bride.

For the rock-n-roll grooms ... via Brooklyn Bride

Much love from the east coast,
Brian

Wedding People Profiles: Christina Matteucci + Merci New York

2011-06-06T13:25:00.000-07:00

Earlier in the year, we snagged an interview with Christina Matteucci, right hand to David Beahm, head honcho of david beahm destinations, and general purveyor of awesomeness. She gave us a guide to getaway weddings and inspired grooms everywhere to join their local Richard Branson fan clubs.

(The Los Angeles chapter is pretty much me right now. I'm accepting applications.)

Well Christina is back and kicking ass once again -- not on The Groom Says but on Merci New York. She now serves as MNY's Resident Destinations Expert. Read up on Christina's path to the wedding world and how she came to be the reigning queen of destination weddings.

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In exchange for this plug, Christina is providing The Groom Says with its very own Necker Nymph, though she's not yet aware of it.

Crossing the Aisle Vol. VII

2011-06-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

This week's celebration of groom-friendly style on the bridal blogs begins with a real wedding. I've been waiting for this couple's photos ever since the bride, Laura, leaked their wedding theme (yes, the Yankees) back in February. Their pics were featured yesterday on the Florida edition of Style Me Pretty.

WEST PALM BEACH WEDDING BY CAPTURED BY JENNY
via Style Me Pretty Florida
Aside from the sweet "hat toss" portrait pictured above, Laura and Antonio had matching Chuck T's, tables named after baseball legends, and enough Yankee insignias to get me through the weekend.

Strangely enough, they didn't coordinate this.

(via Forget Me Knot Weddings)

SMART BOW TIES FOR THE GROOM AND HIS MEN
via The Wedding Chicks
While I'm not a big fan of any of these styles, guys looking for a pop of color in their attire might benefit from these tie options from American Apparel and others.

Bohemian boutonnieres from Green Wedding Shoes

SCARY-GOOD MONSTER MOVIE POSTER WEDDING INVITATIONS
via Offbeat Bride
Kudos to Illustrator Groom on setting the tone for a kick-ass, offbeat wedding.

PIERRE + CHRISTINE'S CIRCUS-THEMED, FRENCH WEDDING
via Rock n Roll Bride
Awesome groom/groomsmen attire + some stellar groom and couple's portraits that won't bore you to death.

2Es' exclusive interview that should have been mine but isn't

2011-06-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get an interview with my wife since we got engaged in June 2009. She keeps reminding me how busy she is. She tells me that we'll do it one day when "the world is less complicated." She says things like, "Do you want me to make you a smoothie, or do you want to do that silly interview?"

Sensibly, I choose the smoothie.

But now I know she was just holding out for something better. She was holding out for Cris at Kiss My Tulle.

WEDDING ADVICE FOR NEWLY ENGAGED COUPLES:
JOANNA FOSTER WILSON

I should have offered her money.

How Tim Allen snuck into DIY Weddings Magazine

2011-06-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

That's right. I managed to drop more than one Home Improvement reference into my article for DIY Weddings Magazine. I think that's reason enough to click on the image below and read the full article.

"DIH: Letting the Groom Do-It-Himself"

Flip to page 14 and check out the two-page spread dedicated to grooms. The Summer issue is on sale now.

Special shout-outs to: DIY Weddings Magazine Founder and CEO Kym Stelmachers, photographers Joanna Wilson and Noah Devereaux, and graphic artist Charles Hearn, whose wedding favor design is featured on page 15.

Groom-Approved on etsy: geek vintage cuffs

2011-05-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

A classy cuff links collection from San Francisco-based retailer QA CREATE.

Vintage $ cash register keys

Retro robot cuffs

Industrial steampunk gear and cog metal cuffs

Old school Pacman arcade tokens, plus dozens of subway, metro and bus tokens from across the country and select international cities

---

Please note: QA CREATE is not a sponsor or in any way affiliated with The Groom Says, which means that I genuinely like their shit.

Hangover 2: A Not Review

2011-05-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying how sorry I am. I'm really, really sorry.

Here you are. You came here thinking you're going to read some kind of critical response to the quintessential guy movie of 2011. You came with expectations.

But I've got nothing. I've let you down. I'm not trying to make excuses, but believe it or not, this is the morning I've had.

Yes. It happened again.

Two weeks ago, my good friend Chris from The Man Registry commissioned me to write a review for Bridesmaids. So I went to the screening on his behalf and wrote a little late night piece called Bridesmaids: Why Hangover 2 Should Be Worried.

Naturally, Chris wanted a follow-up. He wanted me to judge the two side by side, to see if the boys of the Hangover 2 surpassed the maidens of Bridesmaids. But this is where I wake up.

How the f*** did I get on this roof? How did I manage to drag this f***ing mattress up here? Why do I have nothing written down?

The "oh shit" moment

You know what ... Hangover 2 should be worried. Worried that a mother might mistakenly bring her nine-year-old daughter to this movie. Worried that moviegoers might develop post-traumatic stress. Worried that people will think that a romantic rom-com like Bridesmaids will prepare them for this.

The genius of The Hangover 2 is its ability to one-up itself for two hours straight. Like its prequel, it takes a while to get there; but once you're there, it's full throttle. Groom Stu Price (Ed Helms) goes through more shit than the editors of The Real Housewives of Orange County ... but I won't speak a word of it here. It's too good to spoil. And even if I did let something slip, you wouldn't believe me. You'd think I was exaggerating.

"Chris. It's Brian. I'm sorry, man. I really did it this time."

By comparison, Bridesmaids is that film you put on repeat at daycare while you wait for mommies and daddies to arrive. It's cute. It's got a nice little message about being yourself or something. Hangover 2, on the other hand, is the product of Todd Phillips' twisted childhood and what must have been HUNDREDS of nights of binging and excess. Hangover 2 is pure filth, in its filthiest and most beautiful form.

Embrace it. And then shower immediately afterward.

- - -

Photos by Joanna Wilson Photography

Crossing the Aisle Vol. 6: Early Edition

2011-05-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

2Es and I are off to see The Hangover 2 tonight ... but before we do, here are this week's top picks for groom-friendly style and inspiration, courtesy of the wedding blogesses. And stop by tomorrow for my reaction to the Hangover sequel, which may resemble one of those Disney World commercials where the little kids scream incessantly with joy. It may just be that.

Anyway, on with the show.

Groom-Friendly Designs on the Bridal Blogs

PHENOMENAL PHOTOGRAPHY - THE GROOM
via Junebug Weddings
I wouldn't say grooms are "forgotten" on the wedding day, but their portraits often are. Christy at Junebug celebrates the groom with this collection of unique portraits.

Kick-ass vintage vinyl invitations ... via Ruffled Blog

INEXPENSIVE OPTIONS: BEACH GROOM + GROOMSMEN EDITION
via Kiss My Tulle
Cris has three inexpensive groom outfits on the blog this week -- and all under $150.

STYLISH SUITS AND FASHION FOR THE GROOM + A GIVEAWAY
via Green Wedding Shoes
And for the men with a little more money to spend, GWS has some kickass looks from Indochino, Bonobos, Duchess and Thick As Thieves.

Bride and groom home-brewed beers. Impressive. Via La Belle Bride.

A BICYCLE WEDDING
via Perfect Bound
I couldn't help but share this wedding (from photographer Inbal Sivan). It's got shuffleboard, a pinata and tons of personality. Who knew a wedding could be this carefree?

For the Fashion Senseless: J. Crew's "Style Wingman"

2011-05-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

Groom Justin and I spent yesterday afternoon at the Santa Monica Promenade, scoping out the necktie scene. While dropping some money at J. Crew, we noticed the following display behind the registers:

Jack's not a new edition to J. Crew -- in fact, he's been in the family since the summer of 2009 -- but for those who don't know Jack, he's got a home on the J. Crew website with fashion essentials for men, plus style and etiquette tips. And now you can hit him up with your own attire questions at jack@jcrew.com.

If you happen to throw any questions his way, share with us here so we can post Jack's response on The Groom Says!

"Irish Curse" Signing - MAY 26 in NYC

2011-05-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

Rarely do I use this platform for personal purposes, but occasionally I make exceptions -- this being one. My very good friend and accomplished playwright Martin Casella will be signing copies of his most recent play, The Irish Curse, tomorrow afternoon in Manhattan. Many of you know that I was part of the Curse cast for its Off-Broadway run last spring. It was the first professional play I ever did -- back when it was a contender at the New York International Fringe Festival in 2005 -- and my Off-Broadway debut in 2010. It's incredibly important to me.

So if you'd like to meet a great mentor of mine and a great friend, visit Marty at the South Wing (at 7 West 11th Street at Fifth Avenue) from 5-7pm tomorrow, May 26th. Copies of The Irish Curse will be for sale at the event for ten dollars cash.

Thank you all. Back to the Groom biz tomorrow.

-Brian

And this is why you don't take photographs on bachelor parties

2011-05-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

This is Groom.

Groom's groomsmen and closest friends hosted a bachelor party for Groom in Vegas last weekend. While seeing the sights off the strip, Groom and his caravan encountered this sign on the side of a retail building. Groom posed. The photo was taken. And in a moment of weakness and weak-mindedness, Groom said, "Oh, you should send that to [future wife]. She'll think it's hilarious."

[Future wife] received the photo later that afternoon. She did think it was hilarious. "That's hilarious," she said to herself.

Then she opened her web browser. She accessed Googlemaps. She typed in, grooming near Las Vegas, NV.

No, this was not a proud moment for [future wife], but it wasn't by choice. Something greater was dictating her actions.

She went through each search result, from Snooty Pets to Groomingdales to Pawsh Wash Pet Grooming on Warm Springs Rd. When the Googlemaps street view failed her, she resorted to calling each place of business and inquiring about the bright purple sign on the side of their building. When they denied having said signage, she hung up.

She finally tracked Groom down at an unlisted boarding house off Tropicana Avenue. She tracked down all of the gentleman's clubs within walking distance. She called each one, introducing herself as a nearby strip club owner (she employed the pseudonym Phoenix, claiming to be the "big cheese over at Lady Parts"), alerting them that a pervert in pink was "busting into" clubs in the area and getting really "touchy-touchy."

Groom was arrested 45 minutes later by the Clark County Sheriff's Department. He was trying on sunglasses at a nearby convenience store at the time of his arrest. His hearing is scheduled for Friday of next week.

This is why you don't take photographs on bachelor parties.

- - -

Of the above information, only the sunglasses portion may be true.

Crossing the Aisle, Vol. V + A Hungover Gift Registry

2011-05-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

We begin today's post with our weekly salute to those wedding ladies who occasionally throw a groom a bone. Thank you, wedding ladies. This one's for you.

Groom-Friendly Designs on the Bridal Blogs

DEAR ESB: SO THE FIANCE WANTS TO WEAR A TUX
via 100 Layer Cake
100 Layer Cake and East Side Bride teamed up on Tuesday to defend a groom's right to choose his own attire and put on his own big boy pants. Wedding equality is nearly within reach.

Make 'em look this nice, and she might play a round before the ceremony (via Wedding Chicks)

A FOOD TRUCK WEDDING

via Green Wedding Shoes
I've been pretty clear in the past about my love for food trucks and my affinity for one truck in particular. So when GWS posts a food truck wedding post, albeit an "inspiration shoot," I have to share it. So scroll quickly through the jewelry and hairpieces and bouquet-holding and get to the good stuff: the food. in a truck.

RETRO CAMPING ENGAGEMENT SESSION
via Ruffled Blog
Hanging out in a cave with Hamm's beer and s'mores? I'd get engaged again for that.

I love you more than I love this cheap American classic
(via Ruffled Blog)

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And while you're perusing the internet this weekend (after the rapture, of course), check out the groom-friendly action at Wedding Republic. Hana and James at WR have devised a very unique wedding registry for our favorite new couple, Stu and Lauren, from the much-anticipated Hangover 2.

To top it off, Chris from The Man Registry and I have put in our own two cents. Check out our registry recommendations here.

Have a great weekend, everyone, doomsday and all.

Hand-Canceling: sending your groom to do the dirty work

2011-05-19T07:08:00.000-07:00

For most grooms, planning begins with a lesson in wedding lingo. Close on the heels of the engagement, we're asked to learn words like fiancé and boutonnière and mélange, words that hadn't yet entered our vocabulary, words that occasionally come equipped with accent marks but don't tell us which way they're leaning.

And when we come to hand-canceling, we think to ourselves, that can't be what it sounds like. Only two possible definitions come to mind.

a a gesture agreed upon by the bride, groom and DJ, which, when executed, signifies a change in song (ex: "If you play the Electric Slide, I swear to god, I will hand cancel the crap outta that song.")

b (biblical:) an act of disfigurement in which a groom's hand is mangled or amputated as a result of tardiness, failure to complete a task, or any unsatisfactory performance (ex: "Dude, if you're not at that tasting in 20 minutes, she's gonna hand cancel you with a butter knife.")

(I just submitted the above to UrbanDictionary.com.)

What it refers to is postage stamps that have been "cancelled" by a stamp ... by hand. And there's a need for such a thing in the wedding world. No one wants to spend hours on an ornate invitation envelope design, only to have that envelope fed through and mauled in a stamping machine.

Factory farming ... for envelopes

And these days, grooms, there's all sorts of drama about hand canceling. (Imagine: all this drama about something you never even knew existed.) In the good ol' days, post office employees were happy to hand stamp envelopes, as long as it wasn't rush hour or the Christmas season. Today, most post offices will charge you for the service; or they direct you to a post office that might do it; or they just decline altogether; OR they tell you they'll do it, but "you should know, despite your efforts, the envelopes are likely to go through a machine anyway."

The automatic feeders. Where envelopes go to die.

So what's the solution? Less ornate envelopes? E-vitations?

No, the solution is making hand-canceling the new groom task. Throughout wedding planning, I was asked to perform a number of tasks that involved acquiring things or expressing disapproval or putting pressure on those who needed some putting of pressure. So, brides - why not send the men in to employ some gentle coercion with the local postal staff? Like a bouncer in the most uninteresting, under-dressed nightclub ever conceived, your groom will march in there and demand hand canceling ... and no, don't hand him the stamp, postal person, cause he won't be doin' it his damn self.

Grooms - you're going to be facing some stiff competition, so prepare accordingly. Know your opponent. If it's a male employee, don't approach the glass with a smile and your top shirt button undone. Know too that you may be waiting a bit while you observe the stamping (it's a rookie mistake to assume they'll do it once you leave). In other words, prepare some activities to keep you occupied: read a book, clear your inbox, or present your famous spiel on the advantages and disadvantages of the Pony Express. Complete the task by chaperoning said envelopes on their postal journey, ensuring that they are remain pure and intact. This is your charge, groom.

And whatever you do, don't return home without getting the job done, or your may find your hands canceled. In the biblical sense.

Bachelor Party Planning for the Procrastinator

2011-05-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

Check out what Whole Foods is carrying these days:

America's favorite expensive organic market just earned a cool point

That's right, a one-gallon beer maker's kit from the Brooklyn Brew Shop, complete with fermenter, three-piece chambered airlock, racking cane and (yes) instructions. You think we would let you brew recklessly? Please.

($40.99 + tax)

Hangover kit and back-up beer* not included.

--

*back·up beer [bak-uhp beer] - noun
1. a reliable beer purchased at a bar when tasting a lesser known beer, for those instances when the new beer is sub-par
2. a case of beer that resides in one's trunk, for instances of spontaneous revelry and/or when freshly brewed homemade beer tastes like sewer water

Crossing the Aisle, Vol IV + Pre-Weekend Announcements!

2011-05-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

Groom-approved style on the bridal blogs ... and scroll down for two quick announcements from friends of The Groom Says.

TUESDAY TIPS: DON'T FORGET THE GROOM
via Every Last Detail
An intro to groom fashion from ELD guest blogger Kristen Weaver. Have no fear, Kristen. The groom shall not be forgotten.

REAL WEDDING: LISETTE + RYAN'S BOHEMIAN WEDDING
via Green Wedding Shoes
Unconventional groom attire doesn't mean complicated groom attire. Ryan and his boys prove that color is not something to be afraid of.

Dude, someone wrote on your shoe (via Ruffled Blog)

A LOVE STORY & THE BEST PROPOSAL VIDEO EVER

via Rock n Roll Bride

A proposal vid with crazy production value. Kudos.

SOUTH AFRICAN FARM WEDDING: KATRIEN & MARINUS

via 100 Layer Cake

It's not the manliest photo spread we've ever seen, but something about this farm wedding makes us want to move to South Africa. Check out boutonnieres and details that grooms can get on board with, plus transportation to the reception, courtesy of a tractor.

AND NOW... PRE-WEEKEND ANNOUNCEMENTS

Our friends at Robbins Brothers are hosting a Try-On Party at their Torrance location on the 18th. Grooms -- I know Try-on Party sounds intimidating, but there are no dresses involved. Just some engagement ring and wedding band shopping ... PLUS a free engagement photo shoot on the spot. Earn some major groom points. Check out the details here.

Also, our pen pals Angie & Alicia at VowMuse are judging a (yup, you guessed it) Vow Writing Contest this summer, hosted by Art Vows. Brides and grooms -- send in your vows by July 6 and maybe you'll score $1,000 to put toward your wedding. Get the full scoop here.

Verdict on Bridesmaids? The Groom Says: See It.

2011-05-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

Chris from The Man Registry sent me on a mission last night; and no, it wasn't to fetch him more booze so he can wrap up the final chapters on his groom guide book.

Acting as TMR's film correspondent, I attended a special screening of Bridesmaids last night. Bridesmaids. Not to be confused with Groomsmen: the hilarious comedy that doesn't actually exist but plays constantly in my mind, starring Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, Jonah Hill, James Franco, Paul Rudd and an obese Brad Pitt.

Get the Groom's official take on Bridemaids on The Man Registry blog:

"Bridesmaids": Why Hangover II Should Be Worried

Check it: Groom Interview on "Kiss My Tulle"

2011-05-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

Sassy bride Cris Stone approached me some odd days ago about an interview on her equally sassy wedding blog, Kiss My Tulle. Check it out on her site, read a bit about my wedding planning process, and learn why my favorite photo from our wedding day is one of a giant green dumpster.

(And, no ... I'm not in the dumpster ... though now I'm thinking about it, and that would be kinda sweet, and now I regret it. THANKS.)

Just keep in mind that I was intoxicated when I answered these questions.

Wedding Advice for Newly Engaged Couples:
Brian Leahy of the Groom Says

The Ultimate Groom Point: surprise gift for the bride (or groom)

2011-05-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

As far as I know, this isn't a thing. I mean, it may have been a thing at one time or another, like a traditional thing, but it's certainly not a modern day thing or anything.

But to be sure, I snuck over to TheKnot's Q&A with Carley Roney and found both a Q and an A on that precise topic. Carley's response?

"It is an optional tradition for the bride and groom to exchange gifts -- the night before the wedding, the morning of, or once the festivities are over."

Aha, there it is. Traditional. Optional. Which means, considering all those last minute things that are not optional, it doesn't happen that often...

...but if I can reach out to the gents for a minute here: Men, here is your opportunity to shine. Chances are, unless you yourself are a wedding planner, and you're marrying a woman who lives in Antarctica with no internet access who's arriving the morning of the wedding ... she's done more work to get here. She's put in more hours, made more phone calls, visited more venues. This is your chance to say, in a very personal way, "Despite all this chaos, I haven't forgotten that this day is about you and me, and I want to thank you for everything you've done to make it happen."

Our destination wedding made things a little tricky, but with a little help, I was able to make it work. I had the gift shipped to a friend's office in New York and asked now-brother-in-law Patrick to pick up a gift bag and some tissue paper the morning of the wedding. Partway through getting ready, I sent one of my boys upstairs (the girls were directly above us, actually) to deliver the gift: a coffee mug camera lens that 2Es had been raving about for months (but hadn't bought, for whatever reason) with a handwritten note. She never expected it.

Only $24 on Photojojo. And that's not 2Es, by the way. That's just a well-lit stock photo woman with a similar tint of hair.

The mug is so authentic-looking that one of our photographers mistook it for one of his lenses -- until he realized that it was completely hollow. The gift also came with this plastic dinosaur, which became the mascot for the wedding and lives on a mantle here at the house.

Dino-myte

If your bride is into photo gear like 2Es, check out the Photojojo store for cool, cheap gift ideas (as well as sweet props for photo sessions).

Ladies -- if your groom hasn't already splurged on his attire, maybe slip him a pair of these kick-ass mustache cufflinks before he slips into his tux. (Starting at $60 from Uncrate)

As Carley suggests, it need not be extravagant. Lord knows you've spent enough money getting to this moment, so it's really not about that. It's about showing your better half that you know precisely what this day is about. And if the gift comes with a mascot, so be it.

Dealing with Vendors Who Can't Deal

2011-05-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

Occasionally in wedding planning, you'll run into people who require what I like to call *special care*. 2Es and I ran into one such person -- one of our vendors, in fact -- who, for whatever reason, made it impossible to work with him. (We'll call him Alex.) And had we been asked to fill out one of those comment cards following our experience, we might have responded with the following:

Alex was the one and only person we worked with in the course of the sixteen months that I genuinely disliked. The man actually drove me to punch a wall, for chrissake.

Why, Brian? What would drive you to do such an aggressive thing? Did the wall crumble from the blow??

Alex's company offers services for a whole range of events, and weddings are not their primary source of income. Hence, Alex finds weddings/brides/grooms to be a nuisance and often too much trouble for what they earn per event. But rather than suggesting to his superiors that they raise their prices or cut weddings from their scope of services, Alex gave us attitude. He gave us curt answers to all questions, didn't speak to us for months, and then surprised us with unfavorable news the week BEFORE our wedding. That was when I punched our living room wall. And I'm not the kind of person who punches walls. I've seen those guys in movies. They're highly repressed or 'roided up or in serious need of a hug. I get plenty of hugs. But Alex drove me to that place when he asked us to pull up our contract and indicated a loophole which allowed him to conduct himself like a total jerk-off.

Alex could have ruined our wedding, but we wouldn't let one person interfere with this occasion or sixteen months of planning or any of the million other things that matter more than one sour a**hole.

So what did we do? Well, we did three things (outside of punching the wall), and I would recommend them to anyone who's battling with a vendor or manager or contact person and is unable to come to a sensible resolution.

1. Find someone who can say SUCK IT, ALEX without saying SUCK IT, ALEX. We have a few ball busters in our circle of friends, but one in particular stood out. We asked this person (we'll call her Alexa) to handle all correspondence and communication with Alex in the week that followed. We didn't need the stress. We communicated through someone logical who could sense our frustration and respond more rationally, professionally and calmly than we ever could.

2. Signal the troops. Once Alexa was fielding Alex's phone calls and emails, we alerted our family members of the unfortunate situation. We told them what they needed to know and only what they needed to know. We described the tight situation Alex had put us in and where we had been forced to compromise. And, most importantly, we asked them to not bring this up at the wedding. We just wanted them to be aware, we said, to keep them in the loop.

3. Avoid contact ... eye or otherwise. We avoided Alex like the plague on our wedding day. Our amazing day-of coordinators took charge of the situation and immediately diffused all of the negative energy. They addressed his questions; they went to him when issues arose; and at the close of the evening, they paid him. It was a huge gift to us to get Alex off of our hands.

Our precautions may seem extreme in hindsight, but we accomplished two things: (1) we avoided any incidents at the wedding, and (2) we're now able to laugh at the whole thing. And laugh at Alex. Sometimes we just sit on the couch, TV on mute, and laugh at Alex: at his sourness, the phone conversations we had with him through gritted teeth, and the thought of him having to deal with more and more weddings as time goes on.

And no, the wall did not crumble from the blow, but it did leave a noticeable impression in our living room wall. We've named that impression "Alex's Clenched A**hole."

Crossing the Aisle, Vol III

2011-05-06T13:52:00.000-07:00

A quick note to grooms before we begin:

Grooms, if you're going to investigate the bridal blogs on your own, please remember to use the buddy system. Let's keep incidents to a minimum. Thank you.

OK, this week's groom-approved assortment features two new tie companies (well, new to me), a New Zealand wedding and a new man-friendly honeymoon destination. Let's get this ball rolling.

Groom-Approved Links on the Bridal Blogs

THE BEST COTTON TIE
via East Side Bride
"The best" cotton tie is a rather bold statement, but ESB's hit the nail on the head with this two-tone tie from Pierrepont Hicks. Also scope out the other unique designs on PH's website.

NEW ZEALAND WEDDING BY SUTHERLAND KOVACH STUDIO
via Style Me Pretty
Sombreros, a pinata and some groom-approved hand-drawn and hand-crafted details. And whatever Thornycroft Dark Ale is, I want one.

KATHRYN LOVES... GENERAL KNOT & CO.
via Snippet & Ink
OK, we just agreed that the Pierrepont ties were "the best," I know, I know. But S&I plugged General Knot & Co. on the blog this week -- a definite contender for the "kick-ass tie manufacturer" title. Check out the groom-commissioned ties that are different but still coordinating.

LET'S GO GLAMPING: HONEYMOONING AT MONTANA'S PAWS UP
via Offbeat Bride

Men, prepare yourself. You might want to get married all over again just to book another honeymoon at this upscale camping resort. And on the activities calendar? Rappelling, ATV-ing, and Zorb Balling.

Pop and (Pad)Lock: How Americans Can Go Bigger with Romance

2011-05-03T23:02:00.000-07:00

It's true, there is something inherently European about etching your initials into a padlock, affixing it to a railing on a bridge, and tossing the key into the murky and slightly pungent current of the canal below. These acts of padlock love, in which lovers proclaim and seal their commitment to one another (oftentimes to mark their engagement), are slowly making their way into the states; but we can't begin to compete with our neighbors across the Atlantic, whose railings and fences and benches and whatnots are literally shrouded with locks.

And it's no surprise that the love shackles that now appear on the Brooklyn Bridge, for instance, are clipped on occasion -- hacked off the railings like cheap, drugstore padlocks left on gym lockers overnight -- removed by the goons at the Department of Transportation, who ignore the sheer romanticism behind these acts of vandalism and adhere to the rules of the historic structure.

Geez, this is more un-American than universal health care.

Of course, we can't blame the DOT for putting a stop to an emerging trend; the fact is, love padlocks haven't caught on simply because they're not American enough. This is an indication that we need something even more permanent, more impressive, more patriotic. We're the United ******* States. We don't indulge in simple, unadorned, old-fashioned romanticism; no, we build a ******* Subway chain restaurant.

alternatives to padlocks for americans who need more

1. Open a Subway. If permanence and security are what you're after, why not go for the gold and join the largest fast food franchise on the globe. At the close of 2010, Subway actually surpassed reigning champion McDonald's as the world's most proficient feeder of hungry people. Nothing says I am committed to you forever like making your 2Es a Subway franchisee and making her financially accountable for the success or failure of a restaurant built on the novelty of fresh-made sandwiches. Total cost: upwards of $78,000.

2. Reconsider your padlock placement. Perhaps you and your better half don't have $15,000 in start-up costs. That's fine. If you're going to join in the padlock pandemonium, why not think more carefully about where you chain your bike. Ditch the Empire State Building and the Golden Gate Bridge and consider some areas where it's highly unlikely that department officials will intrude -- like a serial killer's basement ... or a community library ... or a school in a low-income neighborhood. You could litter that playground with padlocks and (I guarantee you) return decades later to find those locks untouched. Total cost: $3.99 plus tax.

This busted merry-go-round is a padlock gold mine.

3. Osama Bin Laden's hide-out.

4. The Winter Garden Theater. True romance doesn't come in the form of a steel ring clasped around a germ-infested handrail overlooking the Seine. Hell no. True romance is premium orchestra musical theater tickets. Show your honey how long you're planning to stick around and purchase two tickets for 2086 -- an early 75th Anniversary gift. And if there's any Broadway show with as much (inexplicable) staying power as your marriage, it's the (inexplicable) smash hit, Mamma Mia. Seating is apparently limited. Total cost: $423.60, plus 75 years worth of inflation.

The tables have turned: our trainer goes Brian Williams on us

2011-05-02T16:04:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago I invited our fitness trainer Damon to join us on TGS and give us the scoop on getting in shape for the wedding.

80% Diet, 20% Statham:

a groom's guide to looking good & feeling good

Weeks later, Damon proposed that I do the same for him. If I declined, he would make me do 50 additional burpees in front of the class. Being the cocksure man that I am ... I did the interview.

So check out Damon's own blog for a Q&A with me and 2Es as we give our thoughts on training. Please note that we received a "push-up coupon" for each compliment to Damon or his program; each push-up coupon entitled you to subtract a push-up from each circuit the following morning. As you can see, we're swimming in coupons over here.

LVPF: An Interview with Brian and [2Es]

If you'd like more information about Damon's boot camp program in Los Angeles (particularly brides and grooms hoping to get fit for their upcoming weddings), you can email me or Damon directly at damon@lvpf.net.

Crossing the Aisle, Vol II

2011-04-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

Let's start off today's series with a Royal Wedding post that we men folk can actually appreciate. And then we can all go back to pretending it never happened.

Groom-Friendly Designs on the Bridal Blogs

ROYAL WEDDING FAILS
via The Knotty Bride
TKB has located the oddest and most inappropriate RW2011-related merchandise from both sides of the pond. Check out her collage of utter creepiness, including a Will & Kate commemorative c*** ring that will make you ask WHYYYYYY.

DECORATE YOUR GAMER WEDDING WITH REAL-LIFE TETRIS PIECES
via Offbeat Bride
Offbeat's fiance guest blogs with some advice on what to do with that mondo-sized bag of wooden blocks in the closet. #NintendoGroom

INSPIRATION: A DENIM WEDDING II
via Once Wed
Sweet groom attire and -- wait for it -- beer bottle centerpieces. Enough said.

BOURBON TASTING BAR
via Merriment Events
Thanks to Courtney at Merriment, grooms everywhere can breathe a little easier today.

We Are Men Who Reek: Justin's Bachelor Party Revealed

2011-04-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

As I write this, sitting here in my go-to mega chain coffee shop, it's not hard to notice that people are staring. The table's central location, just a few feet from the register, makes their gestures (the pointing, the covering of their mouths with their hands) and their actions (the complaining to management, the projectile vomiting) that much more obvious.

And I suppose it's in this precise moment when I realize that it's me. I'm the nuisance. Every item of clothing that I'm wearing reeks of campfire. The pores on my skin seep smoke and sauteed onions, overcooked sausages and pure sweat. It's been two days since Justin's camping-inspired bachelor party, and I haven't showered. The stench is so unbearable it's almost impractical; the Starbucks customers are beginning to think that they are the ones who smell and that I, in fact, am the only pleasant-smelling one among us. It's the only rational explanation.

[click photos to enlarge]

The festivities began on Friday, when we stocked the van with two cases of beer, two coolers full of beer, beer wrapped in blankets, and a set of jumper cables. We, amateur group of genuine bad-asses, headed north to an undisclosed occasion, carried on a discussion about hover boards for longer than I can recall, and pretended -- 4-1/2 hours into the trip -- that the countless signs for Yosemite did not exist.

Surprise, Justin!

From left to right: yours truly, Groom Justin, Co-Best Man Odin and fellow groom James

After another five hours of making our mothers proud and photographing ourselves around a national park entrance sign, we shot over to the Mariposa Grove, home to a bunch of giant trees and giant logs and all other things giant.

Notice how the Mariposa map display at the trailhead, typically at eye level, is buried in four feet of snow.

This mock sword fighting moment is hilarious; even more hilarious was the moment after when I fell into the icy water below.

We sought out the "Upper Grove of Sequoias" and the Museum at the end of the Outer Loop trail but could not find either one. (Later we learned that the museum was completely buried in snow. Perhaps that piece of information was on one of the displays engulfed in snow at the trailhead.) So we abandoned the search and started climbing boulders, as real men are prone to do.

That evening we stopped at Yosemite's Ahwahnee Bar (part, of course, of the ornate Ahwahnee Hotel, a not-too-distant cousin of the Overlook Hotel in The Shining) where a sizable surprise was awaiting our groom. Justin's longtime friend Matt had flown in from Baltimore, rented a car in San Fran, drove five or so hours and met up with us the Ahwahnee. He propped a menu in front of his face and sat at the table beside ours, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal himself. It couldn't have worked out better.

The fifth and newest member of our gang stares down a fish

With Matt on board, we ditched the suffocatingly woody Ahwahnee Hotel and found our campsite at Hodgdon Meadow. In pitch black and a light rain, we set up our tents, unpacked our cars, loaded up the bear-proof food locker and cooked a solid meal. We crawled into our sleeping bags in several layers of clothing and rocked ourselves to sleep.

The following morning we set out for the Upper Yosemite Falls (the tallest waterfall in the U.S. at 2,425 ft), a strenuous multi-hour hike with some of the most amazing views of mother nature. We stopped for lunch atop a stretch of rocks about a mile up and then continued on, taunted by spectacular views of the falls all along the trail.

From top to bottom: lunch with a view, sights from the hike, and Odin recreating the "Lower Falls"

And after 3.2 miles of steep uphill climbing, debating whether or not to "go on," and trudging through both mud and snow, we arrived at the peak -- the Yosemite Falls Overlook -- and took in our accomplishment.

Matt left us that evening just before midnight (he drove through the night to catch his plane back to Baltimore), but we had one more manly activity planned for the following morning: Target Practice.

We ventured into the wilderness and set up a shooting range of shoots using three quintessential enemy targets, including a Nazi zombie and the shark from Jaws. Justin and comrades were asked to choose a weapon (either a slingshot with pine cones or a throwing knife) and move from target to target. I'm proud to announce that I was the victor that morning, driving a particular prickly pine cone into our third target, a photograph of Michael Bay.

Kill shot

And that was the close of our weekend, save the hour and a half drive through dense, zero visibility Yosemite fog and the five hour drive back to Los Angeles. We were sore, we smelled like burnt logs, and Odin may very well have punctured a lung; but we were reborn in some way. Redefined. Three days in the earth, in the dirt, in the rain and snow, building campfires from starter logs and NewCastle summer ale cartons -- we were men, in the truest sense of the word. And Justin was returned home, unscathed. All in all, it was a success.

I think Beckett put it best in Waiting for Godot:

POZZO

Who are you?

VLADIMIR

We are men.

[Silence.]

- - -

Photos by Brian Leahy for Joanna Wilson Photography

Stag Preview (Tomorrow on The Groom Says)

2011-04-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, 2Es took advantage of my three-day absence and infiltrated the high-tech security system at The Groom Says. Believe it or not, she penned a post of her own. She's been storing up sarcasm for this precise moment.

Estrogen Alert: 2Es Takes Over the Blog

But her hijinks are short-lived, as I will regain control of the blog tomorrow, give you the skinny on Justin's survival themed stag weekend, and try my best to explain the actions that led up to this moment:

More to come tomorrow!

Estrogen-Alert: 2E's Takes Over the Blog

2011-04-23T16:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read the title correctly. It is I, 2E's. I'm making my very first written appearance on this beast of a blog since its inception nearly 19 months ago. The estrogen is already seeping from the pores of your computer.

As you might have noticed, 1E seems to live in a virtual world, tweeting his coffee shop musings, groom-approved findings and mild-to-harsh harassment of other men in the wedding biz. Sometimes it's the only way I can locate his whereabouts. But just after midnight Thursday night, he tweeted the following:

Out of Office Reply: I will be unavailable from Fri thru Sun as I am hosting a killer bachelor party. I'll return your email when I recover.

I have not heard from him since.

Looking back, I really should have seen it coming. He had been doing odd things all week. On Tuesday he asked me for all the small bills I had in my wallet. Wednesday morning he stripped our bed and put all the sheets and pillows by the door. And by Thursday, our living room floor was covered in the strangest things: army canteens, banana chips, a photo of Michael Bay, whiskey, bug repellent, a giant blow-up doll, 5 hunting knives, Mike Tyson's phone number and several bottles of aspirin. I wasn't really sure what to make of it all, so I figured it was in service of another crazy photo shoot for The Man Registry. Hey, he's done stranger things.

Honestly, reading that tweet left me feeling mildly relieved. At least I knew when he might return. But being the curious wifee (spelled with 2E's) that I am, I wanted to know more. After a little digging in his inbox, I found 4 unread Facebook friend requests, 2 expired Groupons, a bunch of adorable photos of sleeping cats, and this:

- - -

Dear Mr. Justin Fair,

In observance of your pending nuptials, an invitation is extended to join in a weekend of freedom and revelry, supervised by Mr. Brian Leahy (Eagle Scout; Member, Order of the Arrow) and Mr. Odin Ozdil (Turk, Town Elder), in the company of fellow groom Mr. James Darling.

Should you choose to accept said invitation, the items listed below should be packed into a single bag and left outside your bedroom door and two and one-half hours past nightfall [ 21:58 ]. You shall set your alarm for [ 7:00 ] on [ Friday, 22 April ], shower promptly, dress in comfortable and casual clothing, and be prepared to depart at [ 7:30 ].

Should you have any questions, you are permitted to ask them, unless they pertain to (a) what the weekend entails, (b) what the items below may reveal about what the weekend entails, or (c) the legality of said weekend.

Warmly,
Brian Leahy
Co-Best Man

---

CLOTHING/ACCESSORIES - to be worn

3 pair underwear
4 pair sock (long or knee-high, preferably)
1 pair gloves
1 pair thermals (upper and lower)
2 pair terrain-worthy jeans
3 pair terrain-worthy t-shirts
1 hoodie
1 pair sunglasses

MISC

1 emblem of your bachelorhood, with which you wish to part
1 sock full of nickels
1 guitar (optional)
lip balm, should you require such a thing

- - -

Posted at the bottom of the email was this image:

And with Justin's adorable bow tie and beret staring back at me, I have come to realize that I don't want to know what they are up to. They have gone to great lengths to keep the weekend mysterious and testosterony, and I am not about to burst their bubble. They have prepared themselves surprisingly well for the occasion. They have hunting knives and whiskey and aspirin. They have all our nice bed linens.

And if worse comes to worse, they have Mike Tyson's phone number.

I think they'll be fine.

- - -

2E's is The Groom Says' biggest fan. When not performing her wifely duties, she acts and photographs people. Follow her on Twitter at @jofosterwilson.

Just Some Dudes Dressing Another Dude: A Straight-Up Photo Chronicle

2011-04-20T11:04:00.000-07:00

Enough with the dress shopping. This is how men shop for wedding attire. Click to expand photos. Straight up.

We don't walk. We take the escalator, yo. And no, we don't walk up it.

We shop for ties first. Why? Cause they're easy, and cause we don't have to commit to one right away. We found 800 ties that worked that day. Boo-ya.

We ain't ashamed to look at prices.

We don't buy new shoes - cause we don't wanna wear 'em in.

Men eat lunch mad early. We get busy on pizza slices and shawarma. We flick each other off for no reason at all.

We find a store and occupy a single fitting room for several hours straight. We ask for every combination of everything in every size. You're right, I'm not XXL. But we'd like to see how it fits.

And after a full day of retail shopping, we make zero decisions and purchase one item under $100 which may or may not contribute to the final ensemble.

Why? Cause we don't know how to do this. We're our fathers' sons. So when you go to Bloomingdale's, we go to the shoe store next door. We don't need shoes. But we'll pretend that we do. Word.

- - -

Photography by Brian Leahy for Joanna Wilson Photography

Royally Pissed: my take on the Royal Wedding w/ Wedding Republic

2011-04-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

Wedding Republic hit me up last week and asked if I would offer the groom's perspective on Will and Kate's pending nuptials. Check out my suggestions (including a Fear and Loathing-inspired stag weekend) on how to turn the Royal Wedding into a royally bad-ass wedding.

Royal Wedding Q&A with Brian Leahy of The Groom Says

Will & Kate cardboard cut-out not included.

IM Seeking IF: An Interview with the Stars of "When Harry Tries to Marry"

2011-04-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

The average American male is typically depicted as one who avoids marriage until the last possible second, content in the cold comfort of his uncomplicated life, until he meets the one girl who challenges his "man is an island" complex and truly sweeps him off his feet. Extended bachelorhood is a pretty common characteristic in Hollywood's leading men (see: George Clooney in any movie).

So I suppose it's pretty jarring when Harry, the title character in the new film When Harry Tries to Marry, calls up his estranged uncle very early in the film and asks him to find him a suitable bride. Harry's a young, Indian undergraduate student living in New York City; but rather than spending his college years exploring the dating scene, Harry (played by Rahul Rai) wants nothing more than an arranged marriage with an Indian girl whom he's never met. For American men -- this might be a tough plot point to swallow. Thankfully, Director and Co-Writer Nayan Padrai introduces your average American girl (Harry's classmate, Theresa, played by Stefanie Estes) to challenge Harry's unusual behavior and show him the joys of simply "getting to know someone."

With their New York and Los Angeles premieres fast approaching, I've asked the two stars of WHTTM to sit down with me to get their perspective on American vs. Indian weddings as well as some tips on how to get colored powder out of hard to reach places.

TGS: Stefanie -- coming from a guy who blogs entirely about weddings, are women intimidated by guys like Harry who need to settle down?

SE: It depends. I think a willingness to settle down can be very endearing and refreshing given that's what you're looking for in a partner and a relationship. On the other hand, if you've been on two dates with a guy, and they start talking about what kind of flatware you are going to register for or what you will name your first born child...

TGS: That's a bad sign.

SE: Yeah, that's kind of creepy.

TGS: Is Harry totally out of touch when it comes to modern romance?

RR: I actually don't think he's out of touch at all; if he finds the right girl, he'll romance the hell out of her. In terms of his austere approach to the bachelor life ... I can understand that approach. He has no care to "taste the different types of wine," like his dad wants him to. He just knows what he wants in a woman.

Stefanie Estes as Theresa & Rahul Rai as Harry, skating through that ever-awkward "this isn't a date" conversation.

TGS: Is there anyone in your circle who you would trust to arrange your own marriages?

SE: Oh man, that's hard. I would feel really uncomfortable having someone else arrange something as important and intimate as marriage.

RR: To me, finding that person is a necessary journey to take. I'd rather make the decision myself. I guess I'm a little selfish in that respect. Since I have to commit the rest of my life to one woman, I might as well choose who she is, right?

SE: I suppose if I had to, I'd have one of my best friends do it ... preferably a best friend who has also lived with me and understands my hidden quirks. Then they could find someone who's not only a match in terms of personality and temperament but who's also okay with the fact that (sometimes) I dip carrots in ketchup and that I will spend an entire evening on the couch watching infomercial bloopers on YouTube.

TGS: Theresa refers to Harry's arranged marriage as the "Ultimate Blind Date." On that note -- tell us about your worst blind date.

SE: I've actually never had a blind date, and now that I think about it, I wonder if it's even possible anymore with how much you can find out about someone online. Facebook and Google seem to provide the means for any pre-date stalking you might need.

RR: I'm not big on the dating scene, so I've never been on a blind date either ... and I hope never to be on one. I'd rather let things like love and relationships happen naturally.

SE: Though I have been on dates where I didn't know it was a date. I went to a fancy benefit with a friend of one of my old bosses. I really thought I was just doing him a favor, but by the end of the night, he was talking about bidding on the romantic getaway package offered at the silent auction. I realized that we were not on the same page. It didn't help that he was old enough to be my father (gross!), but I did get a pretty superb free dinner and gift bag out of it!

TGS: Stefanie -- rumor has it you're a bridesmaid in a friend's upcoming wedding. I'm gonna assume that a movie wedding is a little easier to coordinate than an actual wedding.

SE: Well, I will say that filming a movie takes a lot of energy. We shot the pre-wedding celebration (or Sangeet) scenes over the course of two nights. It was exhilarating to be on location with tons of singers and dancers and wearing a stunning costume ... but at 4am that exhilaration starts to wane. I think a bunch of us actors took an herbal supplement that was supposed to give us the same energy as five Red Bulls or something.

TGS: Wow, we'd love to get our hands on some of that. While we're on the topic -- who's better dressed: American grooms or Indian grooms?

RR: Indian grooms are better dressed, no offense. Just more thought into the whole clothing deal with Indian weddings. We are much more colorful and glamorous grooms. We probably wear twenty pounds worth of jewelry and clothing, and women probably wear their weight in the same. It's sounds crazy, but when you see the wedding pics, it totally pays off. There's a hefty price for glamour and beauty.

SE: I'd also like to see American brides adopt some of the colors from Indian weddings; they're so vibrant and really lend themselves to the spirit of celebration. Vera Wang has nothing on some of the saris and lehnga cholis worn at Indian weddings!

TGS: True, but Vera does have some sweet mattresses. Any other customs of ours that pale in comparison?

SE: Well, the Sangeet ceremony certainly makes the western rehearsal dinner look pretty stuffy and lame. It's a huge celebration that happens before the wedding. I think a lot of couples get stressed out about the wedding, and it can become tense. The Sangeet ceremony seems like a great way for everyone involved to relax, enjoy themselves and remember what a great occasion it is.

TGS: We only caught a glimpse of Harry's bachelor party. What kind of atrocities took place when the cameras cut away? We have a feeling your roommate Louis got arrested...

RR: What happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party. I'm under a special code to not disclose any such information.

TGS: Hey, we're all about the man code, but that guy certainly has some odd habits. What's up with the intense man-scaping?!

RR: Hey, whatever floats your boat (and your woman's boat). I guess it's a polite thing to do for your partner.

TGS: The holi scene (in which Harry and Theresa toss and smear colored powder on each other) is clearly one of the most memorable moments in the film. Are you guys still finding powder in unexpected places?

SE: No, thank god. I am not kidding when I say that I spent hours in the shower getting that powder off. Don't get me wrong -- doing Holi and shooting that scene was amazing. Just be forewarned: the powder likes to stick around long after the party is over.

TGS: In the film, all of the characters seem to follow their own rules on relationships. What does your own rulebook say?

SE: I've never been able to follow a set of rules when it comes to the dating game. You know, like "wait two days before texting after the first date," and stuff like that. I've always done what I want in the situation. And honestly, as I think about, doing what you want is the really the best rule you can have. I feel like the times when you are true in your relationships are when they are able to blossom and grow. I guess my rule for relationships would be to throw out the "rulebook" and be true and honest to yourself and to the other person.

RR: Falling in love is a natural part of life, so why run away from it? Embrace it. It will never happen at a certain age (like 28 -- which is apparently the "right" age to get married), and it will never happen at an opportune time. It'll just happen naturally. There may be a million and one excuses to run away, but it's a risk we should all take.

- - -

"When Harry Tries to Marry" opens on April 22 in New York City and on May 6 in Los Angeles. Visit the film's website to watch the trailer, check out special web features and purchase tickets. You can also become a fan on Facebook and follow the film on Twitter at @whenharry.

Crossing the Aisle: Groom-Friendly Designs on the Bridal Blogs

2011-04-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

Beginning this week, we're going to be joining our friends at The Man Registry in sharing our favorite links on the world wide web. But unlike Chris at TMR, I'm not giving you the manliest of web material. I'm plugging groom-friendly wedding elements and designs that I've found while snooping around on those wedding blogs that are primarily enjoyed by the women folk.

So, men, don't be afraid to "cross the aisle" and see what the ladies are offering this week. You won't be disappointed -- and it may give you some inspiration for your own wedding.

groom-friendly designs on the bridal blogs

Real Wedding: Jillian and Jed's Natural History Museum Wedding

via Green Wedding Shoes

We have much to learn from Jill and Jed. For grooms who don't understand what it means to "choose a theme" (or how that's at all helpful), this post is for you. Not to be missed: sweet invite designs; decked out "sweetheart" table; and wedding portraits that don't suck.

An Ice Cream Parlor Reception

via 100 Layer Cake

The newest addition to the man cave that's constantly evolving in my mind. Unique, groom-friendly styling by Jillian Event Design.

A little love for the groom on The Ritzy Bee Blog - Forage bow ties available online

Rock 'n Roll in Bali
via Grey Likes Weddings
A beach-themed engagement shoot with as much verve as a Weezer concert.

North Peak Brewing Company
via Brides.com
When the ultimate bridal blog boasts local brews, we have to re-post.

Texas Ranch Wedding by the Nichols
via Style Me Pretty
Horseshoes and mismatching groomsmen; coffee can centerpieces and customized car hoods. Check out this SMP wedding that isn't too feminine and isn't too Texas.

Gaga turned George Michael: Why Bachelorette Parties Aren't for Men

2011-04-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

East Side Bride crashed the 100 Layer Cake blog late last month with the 10 perfect ingredients for a Gaga-inspired bachelorette extravaganza.

Well, with new groom Justin's bachelor weekend less than a month away (and still having no good ideas of my own), I thought, Do ESB's ideas apply to women alone? Why can't men partake in this Gaga awesomeness?!

So we printed out her directions and followed ESB's orders to a tee. This is what happened.

- - -

Dear ESB:

How do I plan the most awesomest bachelorette party?

(designed for women, executed by men)

1. Invite all the bridesmaids, obv, check and anyone else the bride wants to add to the list check. Don’t be afraid to include a rogue friend-of-a-friend who is known to be fun and a little bit crazy yup, we got a dude who's been to prison, check.

2. Reserve a hotel suite somewhere cheap(ish) but cool like The Standard or The Ace. We actually misread this as "cheap(ish) and uncool." We booked a junior suite at the HoJo Airport Express. There's free wifi.

3. Gaga it up with a record player disc man, headphones blaring, and some scented candles bathroom air freshener while you hang out and do each other’s makeup now it's a typical Friday night.

bachelor party trifecta

4. Have an early drink somewhere scene-y to get in the mood. Wow, you're right, this place is incredibly scene-y. Practice flirting with the bartenders. We just got kicked out of the bar.

5. Eat dinner. Done and done. We don’t want the bride barfing later when she does too many shots on an empty stomach. Absolutely not. And Justin is prone to barfing, trust me.

6. Suit er up with a pink feather boa and a gigantic flashing diamond ring. Yeah, well, the "rogue friend-of-a-friend" managed to leave both of these at the bar. Asshole.

7. Outside the next bar, arrange for a couple of adorable young actor/musicians with a guitar and a ukelele to serenade the bride. OK, we managed to find an adorable musician and an actor with a ukelele. Perhaps with an acoustic version of a Lady Gaga song? They claim not to know any, which you know is total bullshit. Followed by a romantic old favorite that may or may not make her melt into a puddle on the sidewalk. Oh, they're Russian. My bad.

8. Have some drinks. This bar is less scene-y. Pecker Party Straws are FUNNY! but optional. Justin has Pecker straws at home ... so we nixed that and roofied his drink instead. Helping him to the bathroom is FUNNY! but optional.

9. Hit another bar. We're still in the bathroom of the last bar. Are you picking up on the theme here? Not a theme necessarily, but definitely a George Michael vibe here in the john. I’m certainly not endorsing wild, out-of-control, binge drinking oops, but I do think it’s important for this wild child to have a last hurrah. Yeah, I think this will be his last. If she struts around a bar in a pink boa, men will buy her drinks. Right, right. And she’ll remember that there are other men in the world. Uh-huh. And then she’ll realize (all over again) that her man is the man she wants to be with. Oh, that's the theme? See, this is why you should read ahead.

10. Hide some good snacks in your luggage. I've been munching on the leftover roofies the whole ride home. You’ll thank yourself at the end of the night. I can't find my face.

- - -

A huge thank you to East Side Bride for allowing us to mar her good words, which originally appeared on 100 Layer Cake.
See the original post HERE.

What Your Choice in Condom Reveals About You as a Groom

2011-04-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

Your protection preference tells your fiancee a great deal about you and your manhood. Even your condom inventory -- whether it's the Costco-sized packs in the bedside drawer, or that singular raincoat stashed discreetly in your wallet -- reveals too much.

Well, little did you know that your Trojan selection also speaks volumes about how you'll behave as a groom. Let's break it down.

Her Pleasure, Her Wedding

Boy do women love you and the warm, tingling sensation of your latex lubricant. Why? Because you are all about her. If she wants you and your groomsmen to have your own set of hot pink bouquets to "soften" your look, you're certainly not going to be the one to tell her no. Because like that ribbed and contoured design, your only real purpose is to make her happy ... even if you never get to make yourself happy.

Sensitive to Her Needs
For the groom who's barely there, and the bride who doesn't seem to care.

...to go with that XL boutonniere.
Apparently you're 30% more involved than the average groom. Wow. Congratulations. You must be really proud.

Unless you're one of those guys whose extended involvement is just a means of compensating for your performance in other areas. Just don't let your groom responsibilities slip as a result of your headiness (or lack thereof).

No Bells, Whistles or Lubrication
One thing this groom isn't is contemporary -- and neither is his wedding. Expect a straight-forward courthouse ceremony and a small gathering at his mother's house that afternoon. And while the excitement may die down before it even begins, at least this bride knows exactly what she's getting.

My lord, this cake is dry.

An Extended Engagement
You courted this girl for close to a decade, and the two of you have been engaged for, what, three years? And now that the date is around the corner, your only input is that the party should go all night. It almost seems, groom, like you don't want this wedding to come to an end. Perhaps it stems from a very real fear that (despite the special additive "Climax Control" lube) the evening is going to end prematurely out of sheer anticipation.

Stay strong, groom. Just think of baseball.