Couples Who Are So Cool It's Depressing

This is where all those classes in Self-Deprecating Humor are really going to come in handy.

Like any bride with a mere seventy-seven days remaining until the big moment, 2E's spends 90% of her day perusing blogs and hunting down further inspiration and hoping (deep, deep down) that our wedding will be in the same general vicinity of "cool" as the weddings that are featured on a near-daily basis. Like Cori & John's Wedding on Green Wedding Shoes -- and, can I just say, Cori already had a head start with parents who knew the value of a two-syllable name that ends in an i.

Clearly Cor(y)i and John have an endless supply of style from which they spooned ladles of coolness to create their wedding. Their custom and very personal stationery is especially impressive. I would gladly attend any party that Cori and John were throwing as long as I could keep the invite for that mantle in my bedroom that serves no real purpose.
(Hint-hint John. Hint-hint Cori.)

Actually, Green Wedding Shoes seems to have a monopoly on showcasing cool outdoorsy weddings. Like Rachel & Brent, who stole bridesmaid outfit inspiration from Anthropologie; or Emily & Mason, who thought their groomsmen would look best in "lumberjack formal." Like Megan & Craig, who actually made Mead Composition Books not-lame; or Fina & Nathan, who not only redefined "Eco-Chic" but also found a practical use for recycled hemp string. Recycled. Hemp. String.

Christ, we're not using any of those words in our wedding.

It's important, though, that 2E's and I not try to achieve coolness, that we not try to be Cori and John, respectively. We need only be us, and whatever drops of coolness we may be able to soak up from our only mildly cool personalities will just have to suffice. I mean, there are 10 certain certainties that we simply cannot ignore:

1. We won't be climbing any trees for our formal portraits. There aren't many trees in Dumbo, and those that are available are lacking boughs that support my full body weight.

2. Nor will we be taking any portraits in front of overgrown foliage, with Hasselblads dangling from our necks and leafy plants potted in re-purposed Starbucks coffee mugs in-hand. 

3. I have no friggin' clue what hemp string is.

4. We won't be hanging anything from strings (hemp or otherwise) with the use of clothespins. We went "bargain" and opted for the double-sided duct tape.

5. My boys couldn't really pull off "lumberjack formal." At best, maybe "security guard chic."

6. On a similar note ... I do not mesh well with rustic, vintage or antique suits. It not unlike Bristol Palin's acting debut. It's tolerable, but you're really just asking yourself, Who thought that was a good idea?

7. Knock out any suit in the "brown" family, for that matter.

"Security Guard chic"

8. We don't own a vintage motorcycle. Or a Vespa. Or a scooter. Or a tandem bike.

9. Even if we did own a motorcyle, or could get a hold of one, we couldn't possibly maneuver it down the cobblestone streets that veer off from our reception venue.

10. Unlike John and Mason and Nathan, my "coolness" actually depreciates with time.

Thanks to Green Wedding Shoes for supplying the hyperlink combo platter. And thanks too to all the couples who make me want to be a better man. On the outside.

love,
madman

Guest Post on myKPW Blog

Hello readers!

Please check out my guest post today on Kate Parker's wedding blog:

Grooms: Keeping It Cool Since 1903

And if you're wondering whether I'm serious about Step 3 ... the answer is, Absolutely not.

Step 2? Absolutely.

Cheers,
Madman

NYC:DAYS 3-6

To say that 2E's and I have had a wild week would be a gross understatement. It feels like we've designed an entire wedding in the course of a week: seen spaces, chosen spaces, met with vendors, booked vendors, took photographs, browsed photographs, been in photographs, and bought at least two hundred dollars of Starbucks coffee in the last 146 hours.

But our greatest joy thus far was learning that our DJ provided the entertainment for a recent (as recent as yesterday) hush-hush celebrity wedding for a secret SNL cast member and a not-to-be-named Mad Men lead actress. That was our DJ! We feel like our coolness factor just doubled ... which would now make our coolness factor 2.

The best part of wedding planning for the grooms (and back me up here, gentlemen) is making decisions. There's nothing more thrilling/relieving than hearing your bride-to-be say, "I think this is the one." Me, the ever-fortunate groom -- I got to hear that four times on this trip alone.

the place
The Dumbo Loft impressed us from the moment we walked in. An unassuming exterior to a raw, beautiful, barren wood-and-brick interior, the perfect fit for both us and our vintage Brooklyn theme.

the caterer
We liked Billy and Tom the minute they walked into our Starbucks meeting place on Lex and 55th, but we were 100% sold when they talked us down from some terrible ideas we'd concocted about food stations -- ideas that would have worked best at Ethel Rosenberg's Bat Mitzvah. We're in excellent hands.

the florist
Sunday evening we had the extraordinary pleasure of meeting with Jeremy at David Beahm Design, who took the simple ideas we'd thrown together and 2E's magazine cut-out inspiration book and, with them, built a wedding vision that went above and beyond our expectations, suggesting decor details such as mismatching lounge furniture and rustic, "found" vases. The thing about Jeremy is that he hasn't an ounce of bad taste. This will come in handy in those special moments when, for instance, I am determined to wear iPhone cufflinks.

the DJ
Aside from his celebrity status, DJ Gaza speaks our language. Minutes within meeting him at the Whole Foods cafeteria in Union Square, Gary presented us with five demo CDs. 2E's took one look at them, looked at me and said, "Do you realize that this is your iPod playlist?" Again, we're in excellent hands.

Now that we're here, now that we've made these decisions, entrusted these wonderful, generous and talented individuals with the biggest day of our lives, we wonder how we ever considered not doing this in BKLYN, the one place where -- even without a permanent residence -- we feel wholly at home.

A dear friend's wedding this past Saturday gave us an opportunity to put our own event aside for four hours and enjoy someone else's big occasion. Lauren and Suneel (see right) were married in the midst of a light rain at the New York Botanical Gardens in the Bronx. It was an all-around beautiful wedding, complete with an excess of too-good-food (2, count them, 2 desserts) and a personal, intimate atmosphere despite the big guest count.

In two days we'll head back to Los Angeles with more accomplished than we expected but undoubtedly with severe withdrawal. In the meantime, 2E's is pouring over her new Wedding Planning iphone app while I try desperately to maintain our coolness factor ... which is still 2.