Changes after marriage? Besides the third arm?

At a couples dinner last night, former bridesmaid Julie posed a question that several (hundred) people have posed to us in the past few months ... one that Julie herself has posed in the past ... and one that we've posed to other couples after their own weddings.

"I know you guys said nothing changed, but something had to change by now! What's different now that you're married?!"

Despite being together for almost seven years, and living together for five of those years, I suppose it is reasonable to assume that things have changed in the last 6 months. That we sleep on opposite sides of the bed. That she developed ticks. That I cry in my sleep.

In honor of Julie's persistence and the thought of embracing change, I've mustered up 3 things that have changed around here, not including the stripper pole that I removed from the den.

(Like we even have a den...)

1. I have no $. And no, I don't mean to suggest that I'm broke as a result of the wedding. Rather, I have no money of my own. 2Es dragged me into our local Chase branch at the end of the year and promptly closed my checking and savings account. The Chase representative who assisted us was unmarried, his left ring finger evenly tanned. I could see stone cold fear behind his professional gaze.

"It's just easier this way," she says to me, patting my hand, comforting me the same way you might comfort a child who just gave his favorite toy to charity. "Plus, I get to keep track of everything you spend, and you have to work extra hard to buy me things in secrecy, and when you're not making enough money, I'll be the very first person to know!" That second part was implied.

2. On that same note, I suppose our roles are more solidified. 2Es accepts that she handles all of the finances in the house, and I perform essentially all of the same functions that Alice performed for the Brady family.

Truth be told, being a husband means I'm the "man of the house" more than ever before. And ladies, there's nothing sexist about that; the men know what I mean. It's a role for us that translates into taking on more responsibilities (like moving the car at 7AM, like preparing a "go" bag for emergencies even if we think it's absurd) and taking better care of our better half.

3. We've had a jump-start in the love department. Not that we were ever worried about being bored of one another or our relationship becoming lackluster after that 6-year mark ... but the wedding gave us a swift kick in the ass, reminding us why we began this journey in the first place; teaching us a great deal about each other when we thought we already knew everything there was to know; and giving us the "OK" to talk about things like having children and a stable income and long-term goals. With that swift kick, we're reminded that we're not getting any younger and -- at the same time -- how young our relationship really is in the course of a lifetime. And there's so much to look forward to.

4. Oh, right, and -- I cry in my sleep.

Being Married

Q:  So what's being married like?
A:  It's a lot like being engaged ... only you smile a lot more. 

Warning: This post contains none of the answers you're looking for. This post has ambiguity for days.

On the evening of October 1st (my mother's birthday, the date of our Rehearsal Dinner and the eve of our wedding), the rain halted and the clouds parted and for 48 hours the world as we knew it was beautiful. We had the most beautiful wedding ever imagined. 2E's was the most beautiful part of it. And I was there, too.

I -- we -- have so much to share. And clothes left to unpack. And photos to process. Shoes to get cobbled and torn suit pants to get sewn and this new wedding band to get acquainted with. I spin it compulsively around my finger. I'm convinced that it's going to slip off my hand and into a sewer drain. Yes, this is my biggest fear in life at present.

I am so anxious to talk about this dumpster...

...but I just can't right now. And I can't tell you (though it was the most popular question at the reception) what's happening with this here blog now that I'm no longer a groom. How could I tell you something like that? How could I begin to answer a question like that? It's cruel. It's cruel of you to ask. Would you ask someone what shots their cat is getting at the vet ... in front of the cat? No. Come on.

For now, all I can tell you is that we're home, and we're wedded, and in the spirit of sharing, I'll share a little something. Stepping into our venue sometime in the latter half of the five o'clock hour, our guests received a 4x6 card with the following text -- text I had hoped to post on this blog in real time, but what the hell was I thinking. I was a friggin' train wreck, for chrissake.

Anyway, here it is. Enjoy.

- - -

OCTOBER 2, 2010

"I still think it's amazing that two random people can meet up; say, Hey, I like the hell out of you; and then decide to make some new people together." - 2E's

She's right. It is pretty amazing.

And yet I can remember like it was yesterday how we met up; how easy it was to like the hell out of her; to fall in love with her; and how I'm still dealing with this wedding thing enough to completely ignore that whole "make new people" bit. Let's focus on the next six hours. Let's see how that goes.

For those of you in attendance, feel free to congratulate me on how calm and collected I appear. Grab a soda. Browse the literature. Not in that order. Feel free to stand. We'll move at a brisk pace.

Right now I'm just genuinely amazed that 70-something people can meet up; come from all over the country; say, Hey, let's get together and get these kids married; and then decide that this was all in the best interest of the universe. So for those of you in attendance, thank you.

Seriously, grab a soda.

love,
madman