Interview Series #4: Josh

We first hit up our fellow groom Josh in October of 2009 and tossed him a few questions as he was in the final planning stages of his New England wedding. That was the last time we heard from Josh...

...until this morning.

We assumed that he'd evaporated ... or thought perhaps that he was aboard a FedEx airliner that had crashed somewhere in the Pacific, leaving him stranded on a desert island so small that it wouldn't be picked up by any modern-day global positioning system device, forcing him to build intimate relationships with bloodied sporting goods.

Turns out that he was in central New York. Josh was sucked into the world of wedding planning, forced to complete torturous tasks like helping with seating charts, confirming plus ones and picking up out-of-towners at the airport, all in the week prior to the wedding. As you'll notice, the details of his disappearance have been blacked out by certain unnamed parties, particularly his bride and her so-called bridesmaids.

Kudos to Josh for enduring the unendurable. And for stopping by with some groomly wisdom.

---

SO WHEN AND WHERE WAS THIS SHINDIG? AND WHY THE HELL WEREN'T WE INVITED?
The wedding was in Cooperstown in NY. Just about three months ago. And had I any part of the decision-making process, you definitely would have been there with me. 

AWW. SO WHAT WAS "JOSH'S CONTRIBUTION" TO THE WEDDING, IF ANYTHING...?

Anything technology based fell into my court. I made a photo slide show and cut together a video compilation of famous movie kisses for our reception. I also put together the programs ... don't know how I got bamboozled into that one. Spent three full days at Kinko's, then bribed a bunch of friends with food and booze to tie ribbons around the things.

To anyone getting table cards and the like printed up: I would suggest having the programs done the same way. It definitely did not feel worth the hassle in the final sprint. But the fact that I got it done on time scored me some major Groom Points with mother-in-law. In-law points are good.

IN-LAW POINTS ARE GOLDEN. HOW DID YOU GET PUMPED FOR THE BIG DAY?

My groomsmen and I kicked it off with some whiskey while we were getting ready. I drank wine during the reception, then moved back to whiskey for the after party. Come to think of it, I indulged all day and all night, yet the all too familiar effects of alcohol never kicked in. My new theory is that -- on the day you get married -- you're impervious to booze. What a gyp!

ANY BOWTIE ACTION?

I went with the tie-tie. Old schooled it with a clip-on. 

VEST OR NO VEST? 

Got to go vest in my opinion. The jacket will eventually come off, as will the tie, so you might as well rock the studs and suspenders. The more layers of classy accoutrement, the more you maximize the Rat Pack cool without trying vibe and minimize the partied out at your own wedding ... vibe.

IDEAL WEDDING ENTERTAINMENT?  
If the White Stripes had played my wedding, I'd still be smiling about it.

AS WOULD WE. ACTUAL WEDDING ENTERTAINMENT? 
We had a great band called City Rhythm. They kept the party amped the whole time and were very cool about letting me sit in for a song. Naturally, I rocked out on the drums during Mustang Sally.  

NATURALLY. SO WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST OFFICIAL ACT OF HUSBANDRY? 
Whoa-whoa-whoa, let's keep this clean, Madman...

I'd totally had planned on carrying my new wife over the threshold when we got home. And I totally forgot. I was bushed. I guess I'll have to save that move for when we buy our first home.  

YOU'RE A CLASS ACT, JOSH. NOW - ANY TIPS FOR ALL THE FRESH-FACED GROOMS OUT THERE? 
Getting married is like being really famous in a world composed only of people whom you love the most, so live it up. Give the people what they want. And have a great time.

Photograph by Sarah DiCicco Photography

Groom's Lib: Why Grooms Are Here to Stay

Grooms aren't going anywhere. Grooms are here to stay. And our quirky, unconventional groom opinions are staying with us.

The feminist movement (or women's lib campaign) as we know it encompasses three waves of feminist struggles beginning in the 1700s. I'm not entirely sure which wave grooms are in at present -- we're not quite as structured as our predecessors -- but let's call it the first. We're pioneers. We are the Margaret Fullers and Elizabeth Stantons of the male wedding community.

I imagine the modern day wedding handbook was written ages ago by a throng of brides and former brides, scribed on aged parchment cardstock, perhaps on the roof of the St. Regis in Midtown Manhattan. It's their words, their ink that set in stone the rules of decor and decorum that we abide by today.

But we are staging our revolution. Through the tomes of testosterone-fueled blogs we are amending and updating those sacred pages.

And we're becoming more sensitive every day. You've seen the signs, ladies. We have guy nights as frequently (if not more frequently) than you have girl nights. We're picky about our beer. We buy local. We make decisions. Most days we smell nice. We don't even recognize ourselves anymore.

But the main reason why grooms are here for the long haul ... ? Because you love it. Admit it. After all, we're your Frankenstein monsters, products of your endless goading, and now -- suddenly -- unmanageable. Opinionated. Well-groomed.

Isn't this what you want, though? Let's face it, the one thing you love more than making to-do lists for yourself is making them for your groom. Coming home from a long day at the office to find that your man has not only researched potential venues within your budget -- he's also acquired pricing breakdowns and set up site walk-throughs. Knowing that you aren't the sole pilot on this year-long journey. 

The revolution is coming. We're holding our own meetings. We're organizing. We're unionizing. And we'll nod and smile for now ... but not for long.

with love,
madman

Hallucinating & Thinking Happy Thoughts

While savoring some Pinkberry with my Best Man yesterday -- me with my passionfruit, he and his sans-flavor original recipe -- Justin praised his work ethic with his best man speech. He's decided to write one a week, hoping that between now and October, he'll have at least one slam dunk speech that lights up a room and brings tears to your eyes simultaneously.

I think it's a stellar plan.

He also asked me for any advice I may have (though I'm not sure why, as I'm one of the most neurotic public speakers ever), so I told him he may want to avoid foul language, quotes from Bob Seger songs, inside jokes, anecdotes that only he and I can appreciate and -- most importantly -- pop culture references.

ME:  Don't say anything controversial.
BM:  Well, sure. 
ME:  In fact, don't say anything that sticks out too much. It should all ride just under the surface.
BM:  Christ. Maybe you should write this thing.

You know what I mean. A best man makes a crack in his speech about doing shrooms with the groom at graduation, and it's over. Suddenly he's the shroom dude. Parents are pissed. And days later, no one remembers the speech -- just that one line about trying to cut your own arms off while hallucinating. No bueno.

Justin couldn't remember the speech at the last wedding he'd attended, but he did remember the bride and her uninterrupted smile that stretched from ear to ear. The new Mrs. spent the evening dancing with each and every guest, pulling the more resistant from their chairs, making every moment count. It really affected everyone, he said, her very palpable, radiant positive energy.

And so once again, in the midst of planning and pushing and pulling and procrastinating, my 2E's and I have to take a minute to remember what this is all working towards -- a day celebrating six years of love and a lifetime of happiness to come. And we should remember too how lucky we are to have this privilege as we continue to fight for those who are not so fortunate. So thanks, Best Man, for doing everything right as always, and thanks to the grinning bride, wherever you are.

Much love,
Madman

The Groom App

...yes, there IS an app for that.

Check out my most recent guest post on The Man Registry:  
The Groom App 2.0 for iPhone.

And if you're on Digg, please show your love @ 
http://digg.com/gadgets/The_iPhone_Wedding_App_for_Grooms

Cheers,
Madman

Guest Post on myKPW!

Hello readers!

Check out today's guest post on Kate Parker's wedding blog:

http://mykateparkerwedding.com/blog/2010/02/involving-the-groom-brian-leahy-and-the-stranger-groom.html

Enjoy! And come back for a fresh post here tomorrow.

cheers,
madman