The Go-Guy

2E's father shared the following video clip after reading our Christmas post about the Go-Girl FUD (or female urination device), in which I proclaimed that men would never need such a device. We make due. We are insensitive, resilient, apathetic and, most importantly, soiled. We've never cared about hygiene; why start now?

Well, David Sedaris proves me wrong in a taped reading on Letterman, in which David himself reads an excerpt from a collection of essays intended for Esquire. In this particular (hilarious) clip, he discusses the so-called Stadium Pal and his experience when testing the device. I may be the last to learn of the Stadium Pal, and if so -- well, it wouldn't be the first time.

As with all of Sedaris' writings, the Stadium Pal is a legitimate product. With a website. And according to the site, it's "The Original Since 1998." Thank god for that. I was confusing it for the other bag that guys piss into.

The most important of the three basic components of the device is the external catheter. Let's read about it, shall we?

"The Male External Catheter ... is worn just like a condom. It is latex free, and made of silicone so there is no chance of a latex infection. It is lined with adhesive much like a band aid. When worn properly the male external will not leak or come off. Since every man is different the male externals come in 5 different sizes. And yes in this particular case size is important, but all one needs to do is to print out the SIZING GUIDE, cut out the half moons, and there is no guessing. This is a girth measurement, and has nothing to do with length."

In other words, Have no fear, men! And don't get bogged down by the sizing guide. We won't judge you, your length OR your girth. This has nothing to do with that. Nothing. No matter what size you are, you'll be pissing at will in no time.

While the Stadium Pal's #1 clients are (I imagine) those beer guzzling sports fans who are unwilling to miss that exhilirating second quarter slump and take a #1 standing, I imagine such a product would be useful to a groom. What husband-to-be has time to urinate? Between pre-gaming, dressing, getting married, photo-taking, dancing, eating, dancing, cake-cutting, dancing and socializing, there isn't much time for peeing.

I can see it now: the snug, condom-like catheter, the 18 inches of tubing snaking down my leg to the 1000ml urine collection bag, inconspicuous beneath my pants, velcro-ed comfortably at the shin.

Better yet - I see the whole wedding party sporting urination devices. The ladies with their Go-Girls; we men with our Go-Guys. Chances are, at the very least, it'll make a hell of a photo opportunity.

"Ladies, let's see those funnels. Men, lift those pant legs. Now say cheese."

TY4T

Dear Sarah Dillon & Go-Girl:

Thank You for the Tweet this afternoon! We'll be spreading the word on our end, too. HAPPY 2010!

Cheers,
Madman

A Christmas Miracle (from the EuroPeans)

While my true purpose as a blogger is to share tips, anecdotes and inspiration with the groom community, I can't deny the handful of women out there who are as lost and helpless as us guys. So men, you may want to take the day off. Ladies, you won't want to sit this one out. Literally.

Enter my sister, who was anxious on this Christmas evening in Royal Palm Beach to show me a new website ... something she's discovered recently ... something I'm going to love. What she shows me is the Go-Girl, an innovative new product that allows women to pee standing up ... a concept European women have been standing behind for years. In the words of their spokeswoman,

"With Go-Girl ... the world is your urinal."

Observe the unique tip design. And too, let's remind ourselves what else has a tip:

While us boys have grown accustomed to urinating in filthy gas station bathrooms, alleyways and plastic bottles (and sometimes, after a night of drinking, on any given suburban street), women don't have the luxury due to God's intelligent design. Enter the Go-Girl, the small, discreet and mysteriously hygienic pee funnel that makes camping, concerts and foreign travel THAT much easier.

While I haven't yet introduced the idea to 2E's, I'm not sure she'll buy into it ... but she might consider buying it for her trusty bridesmaids. After all, what better than a neon pink female urination device (affectionately, a FUD) to show your love, gratitude and appreciation on your wedding day. Plus, their catch phrases are genius:

"Because life's greatest adventure shouldn't be finding a bathroom."

For ladies who may be tempted, you can find their website here, and you won't want to miss their demo video. The only truly unfortunate detail (aside from the fact, as my sister puts it, that this urine detour-ant is actually a "faux penis") is that Christmas has already come and gone. Gifts have been opened. The opportunity has been pissed away. Literally.

Oh well. Thank god for Valentine's Day.