October 3, 2011

A First Anniversary and a Reflection on Two Years

When I started this blog back in September of 2009, it was meant to be a light read for our wedding guests and a distraction for fellow grooms who might stumble upon it. In addition, I hoped to entertain my fiancee (my 2Es) by exposing, exaggerating, spinning and capitalizing on our adventures, our discoveries, and our missteps as first-time wedding planners. And that was it. Those were the elaborate plans I had drafted for this virtual project.

Between then and now, it's become something else. A year before our wedding date, publishing an initial post on The Groom Says, I knew a few things about weddings; today, a year and a day into marriage, I know more about weddings than a man could ever want to know. And I'm glad that I'm able to offer advice on attire and decor and venue load-in times. I'm glad that there are male voices in the wedding world and that, in some respects (and in some parts of the country), we're leaving the pink-toned, cutesy, bride-centric weddings behind. We're making weddings more collaborative. If I've played even the smallest role in that movement, then I'm pleased.

2Es and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary yesterday. We drove to Big Bear Lake on the 30th, packing enough clothes and equipment for an entire Cub Scout troop, and set up camp in the pitch black of the Pine Knot campground. We were verbally assaulted by a park ranger and took the difficult course down a rather steep mountain on crap mountain bikes and, despite our over-packing, neglected to bring chairs -- but we had the time of our lives. Our anniversary was spent very simply in each other's company, reliving the perfect and not-so-perfect moments from our wedding, crafting vegan s'mores from Kmart-brand products (graham cracker pie crust, dark chocolate bar, vanilla frosting) and talking about the changes we've made in each other's lives. I've made her more socially anxious; she's converted me into an aisle-seat lover. I don't even remember what drove me to window seats in the past. That alone is an argument for marriage.

I write this on the same day that my fellow Angeleno and more popular wedding blogger Becca signs off of her own blog, A Los Angeles Love. Unlike her, I guess I'm not prepared to divorce myself completely from The Groom Says. "This space has been so important to me over the last two years," she writes, and I couldn't agree more. Like Becca, who began ALAL roughly at the same time that I did, this has been a place to share successes and failures alike ... to vent, to laugh, and to practice a craft that I love. I've made friends who will forever remain friends. I've loved sharing these experiences with you all, and I'm so appreciative of those of you who've made it a worthwhile journey.

But 2Es and I have plans. We have life plans and career plans, and while the latter does involve writing (in fact, it depends on it), it doesn't involve coordinating weddings or promoting groomsmen gifts or advising on formalwear. But it does involve supporting my family, and one cannot do that with a humorous groom blog that brings in zero income. So while this may not be a final farewell, it is a revised mission statement of sorts. I'll stop in from time to time. I'll post on occasion. The blog will continue to exist here in cyberspace with miles of archives to read through should one have an entire weekend to kill. 2Es and I still have to publish our wedding photos somewhere, for chrissake. And I've got to get The Knot to start responding to my emails with more consistency. I'm not "done" done.

You know, a little under a year into The Groom Says, I contacted a wedding industry leader (whose assistance and support I've greatly appreciated over the last 24 months) about joining an elite club of wedding bloggers. She said, regretfully, that the group did not permit any male members because "the grooms tend to drop off the face of the planet right after their wedding." And I guess I can't argue with that principle ... except that I've seen just as many bridal bloggers put their blogs to rest post-wedding. I think it has very little to do with being a male blogger and much more to do with moving on.

"I think how much you enjoy your wedding
depends on how much you're involved in the planning of it." 
- 2Es

until then, readers, whenever that may be,


  1. A la prochaine, mon frere! We'll miss the daily banter, but look forward to the even greater (and even more wry-er) things to come. Cheers. and Thanks.

  2. Many more years of love, laughter, success, and most importantly, growth to you and 2Es. And thank you for a few honorable mentions along the way! Your posts have also been a way for others to relive great occasions and I know I'm not alone in thanking you for that!

  3. The Wedding Industry is losing a unique male voice and Grooms are losing a lighthearted and valuable resource. As much as I understand and respect your choice, I'm sad for myself and others.
    I know we will continue to hear from you, and as always, I look forward to it!

  4. say what?! You have a real gift. I know you will continue to put your talents to good use.

  5. Brian, I've loved having your friendship and voice here in the weddingblog world, both because it offered a much-needed male perspective and because your writing voice itself is so valuable. I hope you share your other writing ventures with us, even as you continue to occasionally update your site here. I know the next-step choices aren't easy, but I'm looking forward to what you can create as you get to move on from here.

  6. Very eloquent words indeed, homey. You are a great writer and I look forward to experiencing the future endeavors to which you bring your unique, honest and heartfelt voice.