February 28, 2010

Confessions of People Who Have Bigger Problems Than They Think

So I just stumbled on this website, Confessions of a Bridezilla, a database where readers can dump their confessions on the World Wide Web, cry on the shoulders of complete strangers, and complain about their wedding planning, which -- for whatever reason -- is not ideal.

When I find a site like this, I always get the sense that I'm "the last to know," but let's assume for the purposes of this blog post that I'm making a blogger breakthrough. Thanks in advance.

On the very first page, second post from the top, is a comment from Anonymous Bridezilla. It reads:


At this point!! Im so tired of him!
He´s like this “macho-guy” that is always telling me what to do.. But now with this “planning the wedding thing” he wants me to take care of all the thing! I finally asked him how many guest does he want to bring, and the dumbass told me that if it was it for him, he would only invite his parents and grandma and I have like 150 relatives and some friends to invite! This is not even!! I think he doesnt care about the party, only about the “fact”.. That´s horrible!! Im a princess and I want a beautiful reception!!"

Hmm... well, Princess, if I can weigh in here...

I have a feeling that your groom's machismo didn't begin with your engagement, so why exactly are you marrying this fact-loving fiance? I think it's safe to say that if you want the princess-worthy reception you've always dreamed of, 150+ guests and all, you're going to have to do this "planning the wedding thing" alone ... as "not even" as it may be.

But before we go there, maybe consider the fact that this isn't the best idea you've had. It's possible that you two aren't exactly a match made in heaven. After all, you're logging onto a site called Confessions of a Bridezilla at 7am to gripe about your husband-to-be. Anyone else see a problem here?

Equally disturbing is a November post entitled MY DIAMOND IS TO SMALL. Immediately following it is a post called MY FIANCEE CAN'T DIFFERENTIATE TO and TOO.

I don’t care if it’s flawless or you spent more on the setting, I asked for a 2 ct diamond and got a 1.5. Also, screw all of you for judging me and saying I’m superficial. It’s what i wanted, he knew it and should’ve respected that. It’s not about what he wanted. Now i’m making him chip in $7k for the wedding. Whatever.

"Whatever" is right, Other Anonymous Bridezilla. Clearly others have already clued you in to the fact that you're superficial, so let me focus instead on your ego ("It's not about what he wanted.") and the obviously very dynamic relationship between you and your groom. You're "making him chip in $7k?" That'll teach him!

Brides -- if your groom is aggravating you for whatever reason ("At this point!! Im so tired of him!"), the best thing you can do is communicate. Let him know what it is and what he can do to improve things. After all, I'm not sure your anonymous confession is going to save you in the long run.

February 26, 2010

A Sign of Progress

Sitting comfortably in my Christopher Street Starbucks, peering out the large front window at the snowstorm beyond that has halted traffic almost entirely, sipping my hot mocha, I can't help but think about progress. After all, I sat in this same seat and peered out this same window three winters ago. What has changed since then, aside from the photo gallery on display on the opposite wall (now an odd collection of wild animals in their winter habitats and Amazonian waterfalls). The world has certainly changed in the last three years -- both for worse and for better -- but how have I?

My first thought is that I've got a better haircut now, but that's debatable.

I do have a better laptop, but since Apple no longer sells the iBook (and G4 is essentially a dinosaur), I'm not sure that counts for anything.

The more I think about it -- same backpack, same snow-soaked shoes, same knee-torn jeans -- the more I'm convinced that I've slipped into some sort of portal. Delta Flight #700 left present-day LAX yesterday morning and arrived at JFK circa 2007...

...but then I get an email from my 2E's. An email with the subject line, wedding stuff - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

Never thought I'd say it, but a wedding-related email has saved me, bringing me back to present day, reminding me what I wasn't three winters ago: a groom in the midst of a snowstorm. I was just a guy. A guy with a dinosaur for a laptop and a phone that didn't give me my account balance on command. And that guy-to-groom transition, according to my very handy points system, easily buys me four years of lack of progress in all other areas of life.

I love my points system.

And speaking of progress, I love how much my 2E's appreciates my time, now flagging wedding-related emails with ALL CAPS and exclamation points!!! It's Day One in New York City, and I don't have a single wedding chore on my to-do list.

Day Two is not so secure, but I'll take what I can get. 

February 24, 2010

February 22, 2010

Pillow Talk

I once had a set of Charlie Brown-themed bedsheets. I interchanged them with X-Men bedsheets. It was a simpler time then.

The sheets featured Charlie and the whole gang, acting out the usual cartoon shenanigans: slipping, tumbling, lounging on miniature pianos, etc. And the matching pillow covers offered subliminal messages of Schultz's design, like:

Happiness is no rain on a cloudy day. Happiness is ice cream after the ball game. Happiness is getting what you want.

My parents were trying to brainwash me with textbook happiness. These days, if I was still sporting cartoon linens, I might choose to amend those sayings so they read something like:

Happiness is no rain overdraft fees on a cloudy day my checking account. Happiness is ice cream after the ball game DMV. Happiness is getting knowing what you want.

2E's and I caught a modern day glimpse of happiness this past weekend when we met with Bliss Honeymoon's SoCal agent, Barbara Oliver, who will be helping us plan and book our honeymoon. Sitting outside the Burbank Starbucks, Barbara gave us the rundown on how Bliss operates and asked us to describe our perfect vacation. We essentially listed all of the elements in a traditional honeymoon ... and quickly came to the conclusion that we don't want any of those things. While we're all about comfort and quiet and solitude and sandals (the footwear, not the resort), we still want the anti-honeymoon, in a way.

And we'll probably skip the fireside giant champagne glass tub, though I'm sure it's a riot just getting out of the damn thing.

Kudos to you, model honeymoon couple. Good of you to light those candles by the roaring fire. 

Barbara is all about being attentive to the couple's needs, giving them the vacation that they want and incorporating her extensive knowledge when she can. And the best thing about Bliss Honeymoons is that there's no additional cost for their services. (Yes. Happiness is free stuff.) For twisted couples like us who are somehow planning a wedding on the opposite coast, it's a huge relief.

And grooms -- if you are intrigued and do decide to visit Bliss' website, stray from their "Groom's Guide" tab. That section about grooms being responsible for planning the honeymoon is just downright alarming.

February 19, 2010

Change of Scenery

As many of you know, aside from being a full-time groom and compulsive blogger, I am also an actor. Typically my acting career does not cross dramatic storylines with The Groom Says ... but that is not the case this week.

I am overjoyed to announce that, beginning February 26th, I will have relocated to New York as a cast member of the new Off-Broadway play, The Irish Curse. My association with TIC, playwright Marty Casella and director Matt Lenz goes back to May of 2005. Fresh out of college and unsure what in god's name I was going to do with all this spare time, I suddenly found myself in the audition room for a brand new play about five men with "size" issues. I had never (and still have yet to) read a play with this much heart, soul, grit and integrity. Despite the male-dominated cast and male-dominated subject matter, the play touches everyone who sees it. And now, five years later, I'm fortunate enough to be playing the same role I originated in the summer of '05.

(I know ... thank god I don't age.)

I'm sorry to say that my blogging may be more sporadic than usual during the month of March ... but I will certainly check in now and then. And I'll send you all loads of landmark postcards. Times Square. The Statue of Liberty. The real shady part of Second Avenue.

And no, my 2E's will not be joining me in New York, but don't worry readers. She's already got an itinerary typed out, laminated and packed at the bottom of a near-empty suitcase. That's right -- I will be 2E's east coast liaison for our Brooklyn nuptials, coordinating with vendors face-to-face, attending preliminary tastings and running all kinds of absurd wedding-related errands. So stay tuned. Even I don't know what the hell to expect.

much love,


*If you're interested, feel free to visit the production website at theirishcurse.com, and check out our press release on Playbill.com. Become a fan on Facebook for updates and ticket info.

Also, the producers have announced a Special Early Bird Discount: $20 for all tickets purchased before February 28th. Use promo code TCK20 when placing your order. Support Off-Broadway theater!

February 17, 2010

Guest Post on myKPW Blog

Hello readers!

Please check out my guest post today on Kate Parker's wedding blog:

Grooms: Keeping It Cool Since 1903

And if you're wondering whether I'm serious about Step 3 ... the answer is, Absolutely not.

Step 2? Absolutely.


February 15, 2010

The Couple That Bakes Together ... Bakes Stuff Together

For Valentine's Day, 2E's treated me to a couple's baking class (advertised as "Champagne and Chocolate Decadence") at the Kiss My Bundt Bakery here in central LA.

::cue jeering of men everywhere::

Her gift turned out to be more than appropriate when I baked some blueberry and chocolate chip muffins on V-DAY morning and managed to omit the baking soda. Valentine's surprise FAIL.

En route to the bake shop, I feared a round-table setup where we'd have to introduce ourselves and share our feelings and close the session with a supportive round of applause. Couple's therapy, with spatulas.

But despite my fears (and despite our tardiness), 2E's and I had an amazing time -- killing a few bottles of champagne with our cohorts and sampling anything and everything in sight. Kiss My Bundt owner Chrysta Wilson walked us through some of her favorite recipes and helped us put together a righteous chocolate cake with rich buttercream frosting and a chocolate ganache topping. Leaving the storefront roundabout midnight, boxes of mini chocolate bundt cakes under our arms, we were 100% satisfied. And about 40% drunk.

After the class, Chrysta filled me in on the world of wedding (bundt) cakes ... a world I didn't even know existed. Brides and grooms are considering dessert options outside of the traditional wedding cake - and two of those options happen to be (1) mini bundt cakes (an alternative to cupcakes) and (2) tiered bundt cakes. The mini bundt cakes -- which can serve as either an accompaniment to the wedding cake or as the full-on dessert -- are surprisingly affordable and come in a variety of flavors. Chrysta says her most popular flavor as of late, even with the most conventional brides, is the Maple Bacon cake, a Kiss My Bundt original in the "sounds nasty but is actually delicious" category.

So grooms ... if you happen to be headquarted in Los Angeles, perhaps you should suggest mini bundt cakes to your bride as a fashionable alternative. Swing by Chrysta's storefront, pick up some of the best red velvet cakes in the city and impress your bride with an unexpected treat. 8104 West 3rd Street, Los Angeles, CA 90048. (323) 655-0559. 

A quick shout-out to our new friends -- Darian and Ron -- who baked alongside us and will be tying the knot in August in Culver City. To paraphrase Darian: "I wanted to include him, so I asked him -- what does he want to see at the wedding? And he said,  'Well, I like swords, ninjas and comic books.' So I made him a ninja cake for Valentine's Day." To quote Ron: "It didn't have nunchucks or anything, but it was pretty cool."

Ron is officially my new favorite groom. Good baking with you, Ron.


February 12, 2010

Pre-Weekend Words of Wisdom from the Best Man

My Best Man gave me the following profound bit of wisdom when I was griping about our yet-to-be secure ceremony location last night:

"Look, it doesn't matter where it happens. It doesn't matter if you get married on the subway with party platter sandwiches from Subway. Everyone is just going to be so happy to be there with the two of you."

He then got up, went to the mic and did his rendition of Bill Withers' Lovely Day.

No, this wasn't a karaoke bar.


oh god the emails (cont.) (cont.) (cont.) (cont.)

It's true. Things have improved since October. 2E's now begins her emails with

sorry for the barrage of emails but

and there is an apology in there -- hidden there at the very beginning -- but it's the but that sets us back. It's the but that makes a groom cringe. Buts scare us.

My poor Inbox has never looked so overwhelmed. I've got notes, reminders, queries, quote requests, appointments, proposals, budgets, breakdowns, inspiration, links, photos, videos, tid bits and this-and-thats -- and that's just this week. I have emails with the subject line "cute?" What am I supposed to derive from that?

Occasionally I'll archive an unread email out of pity, you know, put it out of its misery. I'll read one mid-teeth brushing or on my way out the door -- but that's when the gmail chat begins.

2E's:  did you get my catering email
          the new one
ME:   yup
2E's:  what do u think
ME:   oh
          i didn't read it yet
2E's:  oh
          well see if u like it
          it's in our budget!!

(moments later)

ME:   looks good
2E's:  do you like the apps? i'm not thrilled about the crabcakes
ME:   oh
          i didn't read that part
2E's:  what part did you read?
ME:   the total
2E's:  the total what?
ME:   cost
          isn't that what you wanted me to read??
2E's:  no, i want ur opinion on the whole thing
ME:   oh

(moments later)

ME:   yeah, i like most of it
          it's pretty good
2E's:  o-kay
          well compare it to the other three i just sent you
          love you!!!

It's just not in our blood. It's like stockings or scrapbooking ... we just don't get it. Apparently men have X hours in a day for email correspondence. Women have X + 2. Mathematically speaking, it's unfair. It's just unfair.

February 11, 2010

Guest Post!

Hi readers,

Check out my guest post on Kate Parker Weddings as part of her Involving the Groom series:

Rolling and Nodding and Smiling with the Punches

much love,

February 9, 2010

First Time Here: Update

You'll be proud of me. I've grown since my last sports-related post. I watched the Super Bowl. Two-thirds of it, anyway.

Not only did I watch the Super Bowl (two-thirds of it) ... but I watched it with two other men. A Super Bowl party, if you will. I talked at the TV. I got involved. I was engaged. For a third of it.

Not only did I get engaged (for a third of the two-thirds that I watched) ... but I brought things. I brought sausage, whole wheat crackers and a six-pack. I know one of those things was actually appropriate. Potentially two.

And to top it all off -- when I was at the grocery store, purchasing my manly sausage meat -- I made a football reference. The cashier asked me who I was rooting for (I guess the contents of my basket gave away my plans), so I said:

ME: Oh, the Colts. (+1 Point for knowing who's in the game) What about you?
HER: The Saints. I feel like I have to. The underdogs, you know?
ME: I know, right. (Check this out:) It's like if the Lions were playing. No matter what, you'd have to root for them.

Yes. Touchdown. New Groom 7 - Former Groom 0.

(It is 7, right?)

February 8, 2010

Groom Spotlight: "A Romantic and Cozy Facility"

2E's Maid of Honor sent me a link this afternoon -- a link to the best all-in-one chapel and financial services event space in downtown Los Angeles between 1st and 3rd streets. 

Allow me to introduce the Guadalupe Wedding Chapel, the one-stop shop for both English- and Spanish-speaking couples who wish to be married, married couples who wish to be divorced, girls celebrating their Sweet Sixteen or Quinceañera, and Angeleno immigrants needing ... immigration-related things. How convenient! The only thing thing place is lacking is a roller rink.



Highlights include civil ceremonies for minors; a green screen photo studio for perfectly positioned palm trees in your portraits; five wedding chapels that are eerily similar but that increase in religious overtones; and five corresponding wedding packages, the most expensive of which (The Platinum) comes with a 31-photo album, nuptial rope and coins.

And no, I don't know what that means...

Check out their Huntington Park location (featuring a chapel with Greek columns wrapped in garland like barber poles), or visit them online at guadalupewedding.com. And don't forget to bring your W2s. There's nothing like getting your taxes done during cocktails. 

Food For Thought: Helping Men Decipher Menus

2E's has asked me to look through several menu options this week ... and ... I'm sorry, I just can't keep it in any longer. 

I can't read. Them. I can't read them.

What are these words? Why is everything French all of a sudden? What the hell are Haricots Verts and why are they in every dish?

Men -- here's a first stab at a few common wedding dishes. Indulge.


Ouray Cheese Baskets
Ouray - historic Colorado city, zip code 81427
Ouray Cheese - earthy buttery cheese with a sweet floral flavor, firm creamy paste and crisp edible natural rind
Cheese Baskets - hardened, baked cheese disc molded into a basket shape
Translation: Colorado Cheese Discs with Floral Paste Rinds 

Not to be confused with: Cheese Gift Baskets

See also: Ouray Cheese Wheels, Ouray Cheese & Crackers, Ouray Chuck E. Cheese


Andouille en Croute 
Andouille - coarse-grained smoked meat made using pork, pepper, onions, wine and seasonings, originated in France
en Croute - wrapped in pastry and baked 
Translation: Coarse French Meat, Wrapped and Baked
Modern Translation: Pigs in a Blanket


Roasted Poblano on Stone Ground Grit Cake 
Poblano - mild chile pepper originating in Mexico (dried, it is called an ancho chile)
Stone Ground - technique for grinding grains, leaves the grain coarser and the germ intact
Grit Cake - chilled, leftover grits cut into various shapes
Translation: Roasted Mexican Pepper on Coarse Leftover Grits with Germs


Juniper-Cured Gravlax 
Juniper - coniferous plants of the cypress family with needle-like leaves
Gravlax - cured raw salmon
Translation: Needle-Like Salmon ... Double-Cured


Sake-Cured Lemon Wheels
Distant Cousin of: Ouray Cheese Wheels

Lotus Root Chip 
Lotus root - rhizome of the lotus plant, full of fiber and other nutrients
Chip - (1) a small thin slice of food, or (2) a piece of dried dung
Translation: Thin Slice of Fiber Plant
Alternate Translation: Dried Fiber Dung 

Not to be confused with: Lotus Root Chip & Dip


Truffled Foie Gras Croustade on Brioche, Pickled Fennel and Lingonberries 
Truffled - cooked, stuffed, or garnished with truffles
Foie Gras - expensive, silk-textured goose or duck liver that has been enlarged
Brioche - light slightly sweet bread made with a rich yeast dough
Croustade - crust or pie-crust of any type, typically made of flaky pastry
Fennel - a biennial or perennial herb, common on all Mediterranean shores
Lingonberries - red, tart and smaller than cranberries but with a finer flavor
Translation: Flaky, Truffle-Garnished Duck Liver on Yeasty Bread, Mediterranean Herb with Pickles & Tart, Tiny Berries 
Modern Translation: Duck Sandwich


Gougères Epoisse with Prosciutto Mousse
Gougeres - cheese-flavored choux pastry
Epoisse - a pungent, unpasteurized, washed-rind cows-milk cheese made in the village Époisses in the Côte-d'Or
Prosciutto - dry-cured ham that is usually sliced thinly and served uncooked
Translation: Pungent French Puff with Uncooked Ham Cream


Truffled Mushroom Feuilleté Parmigiano Panna Cotta 
Feuillete - dough used for very light flaky rich pastries
Panna Cotta - Italian egg custard
Translation: Truffle-Stuffed Mushroom Dough with Egg Cheese Custard
Modern Translation: Pastry Thingy


Tuna "Cru" Caperberries and Olives, on Olive Ficelle
Cru - Tahitian raw tuna in lime and coconut milk
Caperberries - oblong, semi-green berries on the caper plant, about the size of table grapes, with some lemon taste and milder than caper buds
Ficelle - type of bread (similar to a demi-baguette)
Translation: Tahitian Coconut Tuna with Lemon Berries & Olives on Olive French Stick Bread


Roasted Salsify with Chanterelles, Haricot Verts, Thyme, Red Wine Demi-Glace
Salsify - root vegetable with oyster-flavored flesh
Chanterelles - wild and nutty mushroom with a trumpet-shaped head
Haricot Verts - green string bean with French attitude
Demi-Glace - rich brown reduction of meat stock, Madeira or sherry, and other ingredients
Translation: Roasted Oyster Flesh with Trumpet Mushrooms, Angry String Beans, Thyme & Brown Wine Reduction 
Modern Translation: The Veggie Option


Fig and Hazelnut Financier
Financier - a small cake or cookie that is made with ground nuts and whipped egg whites, soft like sponge cake
Translation: Fruit, Egg and Ground Nut Sponge

Often mistaken with the phrase: "Grabbing your financial adviser by the fig and hazelnuts."


Salade Gourmande Mâche, Haricots Verts, Foie Gras, Black Truffle, Quail Egg
Gourmande - a person who appreciates eating and drinking, sometimes to excess
Mache - European salad green, called "lamb's lettuce" in English
Black truffle - fungal fruiting body, grows exclusively with oak
Quail egg - wonderful alternative to chicken eggs with beautiful shells and delicately-flavored yolk
Translation: Excessive Lamb Lettuce Salad with French Beans, Black Oak Fungus, Enlarged Goose Liver and Chicken-Like Easter Eggs


Cinnamon Babka Pain Perdu Bourbon Crème Anglaise
Babka - spongy yeast cake with fruit and raisin filling
Pain Perdu - French toast made from left over New Orleans-style French bread
Creme Anglaise - rich custard sauce, used as a topping to fruits and pastries
Translation: Cinnamon-Filled French Yeast with Rich, Kentucky Whiskey Custard
Modern Translation: Grand Slam Breakfast

February 7, 2010

Interview Series #4: Josh

We first hit up our fellow groom Josh in October of 2009 and tossed him a few questions as he was in the final planning stages of his New England wedding. That was the last time we heard from Josh...

...until this morning.

We assumed that he'd evaporated ... or thought perhaps that he was aboard a FedEx airliner that had crashed somewhere in the Pacific, leaving him stranded on a desert island so small that it wouldn't be picked up by any modern-day global positioning system device, forcing him to build intimate relationships with bloodied sporting goods.

Turns out that he was in central New York. Josh was sucked into the world of wedding planning, forced to complete torturous tasks like helping with seating charts, confirming plus ones and picking up out-of-towners at the airport, all in the week prior to the wedding. As you'll notice, the details of his disappearance have been blacked out by certain unnamed parties, particularly his bride and her so-called bridesmaids.

Kudos to Josh for enduring the unendurable. And for stopping by with some groomly wisdom.


The wedding was in Cooperstown in NY. Just about three months ago. And had I any part of the decision-making process, you definitely would have been there with me. 

Anything technology based fell into my court. I made a photo slide show and cut together a video compilation of famous movie kisses for our reception. I also put together the programs ... don't know how I got bamboozled into that one. Spent three full days at Kinko's, then bribed a bunch of friends with food and booze to tie ribbons around the things.

To anyone getting table cards and the like printed up: I would suggest having the programs done the same way. It definitely did not feel worth the hassle in the final sprint. But the fact that I got it done on time scored me some major Groom Points with mother-in-law. In-law points are good.

My groomsmen and I kicked it off with some whiskey while we were getting ready. I drank wine during the reception, then moved back to whiskey for the after party. Come to think of it, I indulged all day and all night, yet the all too familiar effects of alcohol never kicked in. My new theory is that -- on the day you get married -- you're impervious to booze. What a gyp!

I went with the tie-tie. Old schooled it with a clip-on. 

Got to go vest in my opinion. The jacket will eventually come off, as will the tie, so you might as well rock the studs and suspenders. The more layers of classy accoutrement, the more you maximize the Rat Pack cool without trying vibe and minimize the partied out at your own wedding ... vibe.

If the White Stripes had played my wedding, I'd still be smiling about it.

We had a great band called City Rhythm. They kept the party amped the whole time and were very cool about letting me sit in for a song. Naturally, I rocked out on the drums during Mustang Sally.  

Whoa-whoa-whoa, let's keep this clean, Madman...

I'd totally had planned on carrying my new wife over the threshold when we got home. And I totally forgot. I was bushed. I guess I'll have to save that move for when we buy our first home.  

Getting married is like being really famous in a world composed only of people whom you love the most, so live it up. Give the people what they want. And have a great time.

February 5, 2010

Groom's Lib: Why Grooms Are Here to Stay

Grooms aren't going anywhere. Grooms are here to stay. And our quirky, unconventional groom opinions are staying with us.

The feminist movement (or women's lib campaign) as we know it encompasses three waves of feminist struggles beginning in the 1700s. I'm not entirely sure which wave grooms are in at present -- we're not quite as structured as our predecessors -- but let's call it the first. We're pioneers. We are the Margaret Fullers and Elizabeth Stantons of the male wedding community.

I imagine the modern day wedding handbook was written ages ago by a throng of brides and former brides, scribed on aged parchment cardstock, perhaps on the roof of the St. Regis in Midtown Manhattan. It's their words, their ink that set in stone the rules of decor and decorum that we abide by today.

But we are staging our revolution. Through the tomes of testosterone-fueled blogs we are amending and updating those sacred pages.

And we're becoming more sensitive every day. You've seen the signs, ladies. We have guy nights as frequently (if not more frequently) than you have girl nights. We're picky about our beer. We buy local. We make decisions. Most days we smell nice. We don't even recognize ourselves anymore.

But the main reason why grooms are here for the long haul ... ? Because you love it. Admit it. After all, we're your Frankenstein monsters, products of your endless goading, and now -- suddenly -- unmanageable. Opinionated. Well-groomed.

Isn't this what you want, though? Let's face it, the one thing you love more than making to-do lists for yourself is making them for your groom. Coming home from a long day at the office to find that your man has not only researched potential venues within your budget -- he's also acquired pricing breakdowns and set up site walk-throughs. Knowing that you aren't the sole pilot on this year-long journey. 

The revolution is coming. We're holding our own meetings. We're organizing. We're unionizing. And we'll nod and smile for now ... but not for long.

with love,

Hallucinating & Thinking Happy Thoughts

While savoring some Pinkberry with my Best Man yesterday -- me with my passionfruit, he and his sans-flavor original recipe -- Justin praised his work ethic with his best man speech. He's decided to write one a week, hoping that between now and October, he'll have at least one slam dunk speech that lights up a room and brings tears to your eyes simultaneously.

I think it's a stellar plan.

He also asked me for any advice I may have (though I'm not sure why, as I'm one of the most neurotic public speakers ever), so I told him he may want to avoid foul language, quotes from Bob Seger songs, inside jokes, anecdotes that only he and I can appreciate and -- most importantly -- pop culture references.

ME:  Don't say anything controversial.
BM:  Well, sure. 
ME:  In fact, don't say anything that sticks out too much. It should all ride just under the surface.
BM:  Christ. Maybe you should write this thing.

You know what I mean. A best man makes a crack in his speech about doing shrooms with the groom at graduation, and it's over. Suddenly he's the shroom dude. Parents are pissed. And days later, no one remembers the speech -- just that one line about trying to cut your own arms off while hallucinating. No bueno.

Justin couldn't remember the speech at the last wedding he'd attended, but he did remember the bride and her uninterrupted smile that stretched from ear to ear. The new Mrs. spent the evening dancing with each and every guest, pulling the more resistant from their chairs, making every moment count. It really affected everyone, he said, her very palpable, radiant positive energy.

And so once again, in the midst of planning and pushing and pulling and procrastinating, my 2E's and I have to take a minute to remember what this is all working towards -- a day celebrating six years of love and a lifetime of happiness to come. And we should remember too how lucky we are to have this privilege as we continue to fight for those who are not so fortunate. So thanks, Best Man, for doing everything right as always, and thanks to the grinning bride, wherever you are.

Much love,

February 4, 2010

The Groom App

...yes, there IS an app for that.

Check out my most recent guest post on The Man Registry:  
The Groom App 2.0 for iPhone.

And if you're on Digg, please show your love @ 


February 3, 2010