Ya'll Have Boring Taste

While our invites, sealed and stamped and scented with Irish Spring soap, are sitting in the neighborhood post office awaiting departure, 2E's and I thought we'd revamp our gift registry. We flipped through the summer Crate&Barrel and CB2 catalogs, adding these and removing those and rethinking some bowls that we weren't quite settled on in the first place.

And it was just then -- mid-bowl rethinking -- that I realized about our own list what I had realized about every other gift list that I'd ever seen. This shit's kind of boring.

Minus the cool rug and the hot espresso machine (and perhaps the 6-slice toaster oven), most of the items we've "asked for" are simple, white, clean, neat, plain. Boring.

And it's the same exact feeling that I've had before ... when a friend or relative or co-worker's gotten hitched ... and I've browsed their list a little too last minute and thought, Are you friggin' kidding me? All that's left on here is a skillet and a salt shaker?! I don't want to buy them that crap! They'll remember me as that-guy-who-got-a-free-dinner-and-got-us-salt-and-a-skillet.

But you, dear guy who got a free dinner, should get them that skillet. Don't hesitate. Because the groom half of the equation has been waiting for that skillet for something like 14 months, cause the one he has now is handed-down scrap metal, and he'll be pleased as punch when he sees it (salt shaker included). And the bride has had her eyes on that slate cheese board for, like, forever.

So the products lack excitement, but that's okay. It's only because, when young couples do have money to spare, they don't spend it wisely. We don't spend it on commonsensical items like spoons and salad spinners. Hell no. We spend it on new MacBooks and new cars and plane tickets. And we're content to sit at our new MacBooks, eating soup with a fork and picking through wet lettuce.

So it's time 2E's and I got just a little boring. It's time our dinner plates and drinking glasses matched. And if you're somehow pickier than we are, you better jump on that espresso machine.