The Man Who Alters His Shirts

A dose of unique wedding advice from "The Man Who Alters His Shirts" -- a stranger who 2E's and the MOB encountered on their trip to the tailor last week:

"Keep getting married. My wife and I met, and we'd both been married to other people, both of us divorced once before, and we didn't want to get divorced again, so we decided to keep getting married over and over again. So we have a ceremony every three years or so, and we've been married all over the world. China, India, a Vegas wedding chapel. On a cruise ship. Some of them are formal, some are casual. We've done it seven times now, and we've been married 22 years. And that's how you stay married."

A 2E's Weekend in NYC

My beloved 2E's joined me in the big city this past weekend to help celebrate the Opening Night of The Irish Curse Off-Broadway and be my self-proclaimed "hot fiancee date" for all things opening-related. I know. I'm blessed. 

The AMNH turned us away because her purse was too hip.

(You can read the AP theatre critic's review here via the Huffington Post, should you be so inclined.)

It was a wild weekend, between theatrical madness and festive dinners and in-law brunches (the MOG, FOG and FOB joined us as well), but we all made it through in one piece. In fact, 2E's and I had enough steam to keep our tasting reservations on Mon. -- one scheduled for noon, the other for 5PM. And despite the lack of sleep, despite the rain, and despite the fact that we were still full from the parental brunch overdose this weekend, we believe we made a decision!

(I say believe because we've learned not to rush into our decision-making. I call that progress, readers.)

For us, the decision-making was more about the person that sat across from us than the food that was presented to us. We knew the food would be good. For 2E's and I, the top priority was personality -- both in the caterer and in the menu they crafted. Not only do we want someone who is approachable, likable and willing to work with us and for us (who doesn't), but we also want a menu that reflects both our personalities and our caterer's unique flair and style.

Leaving the Party Rental Manhattan showroom (where we were surrounded by countless stemware and flatware and Chiavari chair-ware), 2E's and I seemed to be on exactly the same page ... and, of course, it was the caterer who we expected to fall in love with in the first place ... the one who first swept us off our palates with her initial ideas about what she might serve at our wedding, based on one 30-minute phone conversation with my fiancee. So we're going to take what remains of this week to review our options, take a fifteenth look at the menus (our eyes may glaze over permanently), make a final and informed decision, and cross one more damn thing off our endless to-do list.

***One other quick note: after our first tasting, we shared some of our preferred caterer's baked mac & cheese with our Irish Curse writer and producer (they were bowled over) and our producer's brother Keith. Keith's been married for 22 years now and decided to pass on the following when he heard about our engagement (paraphrasing alert):

You already know you're going to get a lot of worthless advice now from anybody who thinks they know anything about being married. When I got married, all of my co-workers were weighing in, and they said, "Here's the thing: you have to lay down the ground rules first thing. First thing. If you want to play 18 rounds of golf three days out of the week, you tell her that that's what you're going to do, and you do it."

And so I asked them, "How often do you play golf these days?" And they all said, "Oh, once or twice a year. If I get out there."

So here's MY worthless advice: everything she says is right. I know, it's hard to imagine at first, and you won't want to admit it. But after about a year or so, you'll realize, "Oh man -- Keith was right -- everything she says is absolutely right. Huh." And that's it. That's the key.

The (Father of the) Groom Says

Some days, when the wedding moons align just right, I'm able to take a step back, look at this wild whirlwind of an industry, and I think, How the hell did it get like this? I don't remember weddings being this complicated when I was a kid. Back then they were pretty formulaic: one-hour church ceremony, cocktails in the lobby outside the banquet hall, and a three-hour seated reception with minimal decor, cake and the same 20-song playlist. There was no need for a "groom blog" in those days. There was hardly a need for grooms at all...

I decided to consult the one person who I knew would give me a straight answer: my Dad. And with his 30th wedding anniversary a little over a month down the road, I imagine he knows more about marriage than any blog or blogger could claim to know. It was a privilege to pick his brain, and it's a true honor to call him my FOG. 

SO DAD -- NOT THAT YOU NEED TO SELL ME ON IT OR ANYTHING, BUT WHAT ARE THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY YOU WILL MAKE A GOOD F.O.G.? 

10.)  I've been working out so I can be in shape for the wedding ... with the added benefit of being able to see my shoes should they become untied. 

9.)  I believe that a good FOG, like a good groom, is there to provide moral support, not to intervene in the wedding plans. 

8.)  I do not become rowdy if I indulge in one too many martinis. I just fall asleep.

7.)  I do not intend to mention those embarrassing moments of yours when making small talk at the reception. Though there are many of them and they are pretty embarrassing.

6.)  I will not request the electric slide.

5.)  If I get to dance with my new daughter-in-law, there is a less than 17% chance that I will step on her foot or kick her in the shin.

4.)  I will do my best to keep the MOG in line. 

3.)  I can hand-wash dishes should the cost of the reception exceed your budget. 

2.)  I am thrilled about the prospect of having 2E’s as my daughter-in-law.

And the number one reason is ... 

1.) Other than being your father, FOG is a position I have been looking forward to all of your life.

WOW. WELL, #6 WOULD HAVE BEEN SUFFICIENT, BUT THANKS FOR COMING PREPARED, DAD! DO YOU HAVE ANY UNIQUE QUALIFICATIONS FOR THE POSITION? 

Yes, but by wearing my hair long and avoiding direct eye contact, it is doubtful that anyone will notice.

ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT'S A QUALIFICATION IN ITSELF. YOU WERE MARRIED BACK IN MAY OF 1980. WERE WEDDINGS THE BEASTS OF BURDEN THEY ARE TODAY?

It is amazing that MY 2E’s and I were able to plan a wedding back then, prior to the existence of the internet and bridal websites, e-mails, cell phones and iPhones, twitters, blackberries, Bridezilla cable shows, shopping networks and satirical blogs. Come to think of it, maybe we did have it easier in those days... 

My folks were a hot couple back then. That red print carpet ... not as hot.

WERE YOU EXPECTED TO CHIP IN OR BUTT OUT?

MOG and I split the planning 50-50. She planned the wedding and I planned the honeymoon. They were nearly equal tasks in those days.

BAND OR DJ?
Ours was a simple reception at my new in-laws' home with a few close family members. No band or DJ, but I do recall someone turning on the radio.

SNAZZY! IF IT WAS UP TO YOU -- IN A PERFECT WORLD -- WHO WOULD HAVE PLAYED?
I initially thought the Beatles, a band that had a few hits during my high school and college years ... but I'm going to go with the G-CLEFS, a group I became friends with during an endless summer at the Beachcomber in Cape Cod after graduating from college. 

THEY LOOK LIKE A ROWDY BUNCH. WERE THERE ARE ANY DAY-OF CATASTROPHES?
Our church required us to attend a weekend retreat on marriage before we exchanged vows ... which we forgot to attend. Since our wedding and honeymoon plans were set, a postponement was not an acceptable alternative. Fortunately, we convinced the Priest that we would be responsible adults in marriage, albeit a little forgetful.

YOUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY IS FAST APPROACHING! SO WHAT'S THE SECRET TO ALL THIS MARRIAGE STUFF? 

It really isn’t a secret. If you truly respect and love each other, the relationship will last. If not, oh well.

 
WELL SAID, DAD. BUT HOW ABOUT A LITTLE ADVICE ON HOW TO GET THROUGH THE BIG DAY? YOU OWE US THAT MUCH...

Five shots of your favorite liquor an hour before the ceremony should do it. Add or subtract a shot for every 20 pounds above or below 170. Vodka eliminates the need to follow up with a package of breath mints. Possible side effects include vomiting during the exchange of vows.

GLAD YOU'LL BE THERE WITH ME, DAD ... TO (AT VERY LEAST) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS WHEN I'M CHUCKING AT THE ALTAR. THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!