Nice to Meet You. Now Let's Get You Two Married.

Bridesmaid-with-a-Mission Julie sent me the following NPR article this past weekend, knowing full well that it would inspire me to write something (offensive) on the topic.

More Couples Have Friends Perform Wedding
by Randy Wenner

In the article, Wenner points out that more couples are asking friends and relatives to officiate at their weddings than ever before. 2E's and I knew that this was a trend we'd want to partake in the moment we were engaged -- it was a no-brainer. Neither of us are religious (we tend to lean toward agnostic theism), and we felt that asking her uncle to run the show would be more in tune with our personalities and the tone and feel of the wedding as a whole.

Let me just put this out there -- I have nothing against pastors and priests performing ceremonies, esp. when the couple has known that person and relied on him/her for spiritual guidance for years and years. In those cases, it's not only a sensible but a tangible connection; the guests can sense that there is a unique bond between these individuals. Plus, I've been to several weddings where the Father has thrown out some dark, borderline offensive humor, and I am ALL about that. Dirty jokes are best told in white collars.

But I do have a problem with the Reverend James Wind's comment on the issue:

"When we do a wedding ceremony, there's a set of values that has been carried along for centuries in these religious communities that are resources for making this very important relationship, a bedrock relationship in our society, for making this work."

I don't know about the centuries of "religious communities," but I do know the essence of community, about being surrounded by people who love and trust in and care for you, people who have your back, people who have seen you at your best and your worst and think nothing more or less of you because of it. What could be more important? Are those not the bedrock values that are going to sustain a marriage?

In today's world, when the attitudes toward religion are at both extremes (those who adhere to it without hesitation, and those who question its very purpose), we can't deny that friendship and family are as critical to some as faith is to others. Is it not our family and friends who will help us get through the worst of times, who will comfort us when we experience loss or heartbreak or disappointment, who will help us stay grounded when we feel anything but.

The person who marries 2E's and I will not be a man or woman who we've just met, someone who may know us fairly well from our answers to a template questionnaire. It'll be someone who knows us well, knows us both as individuals and as an "us," and will give us the strongest foundation possible to begin this new life together.

As for the appropriately named gray area -- or the legal issue -- it's a debate I'd love to engage in. It brings us to some much larger questions: "Who should be permitted to perform marriages? Are our marriage laws old-fashioned, or based on ancient principles?" The states with the toughest marriage laws allow for clergyman, clerks, state officials and state judges and justices to perform ceremonies. What do these individuals have in common? What common thread ties them together? When did legal marriages and religious marriages become one entity?

Damnit, NPR, now you've got me all worked up. Ugh. Let's close with a relevant, off-color cartoon.

 

Inspiration #71: More Fan Mail

Why Skype Saved Our Wedding, Pt 1

I imagine the "what is the point of Twitter" questions will never cease. I hear them at least once a week, and The New Yorker has no want for old-fashioned writers and their quibbles about teens texting and twittering their every waking moment ("just woke up" "just ate breakfast" "just finished breakfast"). And as long as those criticisms drag on, I'll continue to tell the site's cynics about the hundreds of amazing people who 2E's and I have met since September, people we never would have met otherwise....

...people like Elif at My Big Day Planning. Elif messaged me during the Irish Curse run and came out to see one of our performances on a whim. Exchanging post-show emails, we talked about how she could help fill the gaps in our own planning. My Big Day does consulting of all kinds, from engagement parties to ceremonies, from tenting and draping to catering and tasting. But where 2E's and I need the most hand-holding, we discovered, is not with pre-event services but with on-site, day-of services. We anticipate being an absolute mess that weekend. That week. Both of us. Two absolute messes sweating through their formal-wear.

Because Elif is located in New York, and we're ... well ... not, we decided to have our introductory meeting over Skype, the free video and voice software that made AIM look like child's play and led, undoubtedly, to the chatroulette phenomenon.

The verdict? I love Skype. Never have. Now I do. Why?  Simple. It's just as convenient as meeting for coffee, except that the coffee is brewed in the comfort of your own home, and you don't even have to shower. 2E's poured herself a cup of joe, and I spritzed my hair to give the impression that I'd bathed recently.

In all seriousness, we can't be more thrilled to have My Big Day on what we are now referring to as our Kick-ass Wedding Team. We have no doubt assembled an awesome crew of talented wedding peeps to help us execute this thing, and Elif is no exception. We sent her what documents and schedules we had, and she asked us to walk her through October 2nd from beginning to end. Occasionally she'd jump in with a Have you thought about this, which of course we hadn't, or a You could do this instead, which of course would be a far superior option to the one we'd originally planned on.

We were like Skype sponges, adhering to the glass around our built-in webcam, soaking up any bit of advice we could steal. We expressed some concerns we'd had, like, We don't have anyone to take care of this thing, and she'd say, calmly, Oh, we'll do that. We'll cover that. We'll handle that. Apparently Elif was sitting in front of her personal computer in such a way that we couldn't see her 16 pairs of arms.

How do people like this accomplish as much as they do?? And how come we are NOTHING like that???

 Actual Skype Sponges

The best thing is that Elif and all 32 of her arms (and her consulting company/army) are prepared to guide us through the rest of our planning process, answer any pestering questions that may arise between now and October and point out all 600 things that we'll undoubtedly overlook. And serve as a constant reminder of precisely how kick-ass our Kick-ass Wedding Team is, which is very. Kick-ass.

Inspiration #70: Fan Mail

Let's Try This Again

The last time I posted a link to AOL's new wedding site, Aisledash, it resulted in a sleepless weekend with online shopkeepers chasing me down with homemade pitchforks.

Not this time, wicker torch-wielding mob. Not this time.

Aisledash just announced their 1st Annual Wedding Blog Awards, which will honor wedding-inspired bloggers in 12 different categories (and yes, one of those categories just happens to be Best Groom Blog).

So, should you feel so inclined, please take a minute to click on the nomination form link and vote for your three favorite blogs in any category. If you need some inspiration, check out 2E's favorite blogs in the right sidebar. And if you don't have a free minute today, no worries! The nomination period is open until July 22nd.

You lucky dog.

much love,
madman