Dealing with Vendors Who Can't Deal

Occasionally in wedding planning, you'll run into people who require what I like to call *special care*. 2Es and I ran into one such person -- one of our vendors, in fact -- who, for whatever reason, made it impossible to work with him. (We'll call him Alex.) And had we been asked to fill out one of those comment cards following our experience, we might have responded with the following:

Alex was the one and only person we worked with in the course of the sixteen months that I genuinely disliked. The man actually drove me to punch a wall, for chrissake.

Why, Brian? What would drive you to do such an aggressive thing? Did the wall crumble from the blow??

Alex's company offers services for a whole range of events, and weddings are not their primary source of income. Hence, Alex finds weddings/brides/grooms to be a nuisance and often too much trouble for what they earn per event. But rather than suggesting to his superiors that they raise their prices or cut weddings from their scope of services, Alex gave us attitude. He gave us curt answers to all questions, didn't speak to us for months, and then surprised us with unfavorable news the week BEFORE our wedding. That was when I punched our living room wall. And I'm not the kind of person who punches walls. I've seen those guys in movies. They're highly repressed or 'roided up or in serious need of a hug. I get plenty of hugs. But Alex drove me to that place when he asked us to pull up our contract and indicated a loophole which allowed him to conduct himself like a total jerk-off. 

Alex could have ruined our wedding, but we wouldn't let one person interfere with this occasion or sixteen months of planning or any of the million other things that matter more than one sour a**hole. 

So what did we do? Well, we did three things (outside of punching the wall), and I would recommend them to anyone who's battling with a vendor or manager or contact person and is unable to come to a sensible resolution.

1. Find someone who can say SUCK IT, ALEX without saying SUCK IT, ALEX. We have a few ball busters in our circle of friends, but one in particular stood out. We asked this person (we'll call her Alexa) to handle all correspondence and communication with Alex in the week that followed. We didn't need the stress. We communicated through someone logical who could sense our frustration and respond more rationally, professionally and calmly than we ever could.

2. Signal the troops. Once Alexa was fielding Alex's phone calls and emails, we alerted our family members of the unfortunate situation. We told them what they needed to know and only what they needed to know. We described the tight situation Alex had put us in and where we had been forced to compromise. And, most importantly, we asked them to not bring this up at the wedding. We just wanted them to be aware, we said, to keep them in the loop. 

3. Avoid contact ... eye or otherwise. We avoided Alex like the plague on our wedding day. Our amazing day-of coordinators took charge of the situation and immediately diffused all of the negative energy. They addressed his questions; they went to him when issues arose; and at the close of the evening, they paid him. It was a huge gift to us to get Alex off of our hands. 

Our precautions may seem extreme in hindsight, but we accomplished two things: (1) we avoided any incidents at the wedding, and (2) we're now able to laugh at the whole thing. And laugh at Alex. Sometimes we just sit on the couch, TV on mute, and laugh at Alex: at his sourness, the phone conversations we had with him through gritted teeth, and the thought of him having to deal with more and more weddings as time goes on. 

And no, the wall did not crumble from the blow, but it did leave a noticeable impression in our living room wall. We've named that impression "Alex's Clenched A**hole." 

6 Helpful Hints to Avoid Looking Foolish

Ladies & Grooms,

Please head straight down that corridor, make your third right and find the door marked The Man Registry for my latest guest post:

NAILING THE [WEDDING VENDOR] MEETING

Because no groom deserves to look like an idiot.

Cheers,
Madman

The vendors who saved our asses: Coolhaus

About 2-1/2 hours into our reception, a ripple of sorts went through the crowd. There was this buzz, almost like schoolgirl chatter, spreading from table to table, person to person. Were we the unsuspecting victims of some soon-to-be unleashed wedding prank? Or, even more plausible, were my dance moves so visually painful that our guests had resorted to small talk, collectively refusing to join us on the dance floor?

Thankfully, no.

The ripple, the buzz, the chatter, and the small talk were all a result of the happenings at the other end of our venue. Nestled in the far corner of the room was a single 6' table adorned with a simple linen, some catering equipment and a small, colorful chalkboard. Two newcomers stood behind the table with gloves and aprons, and both of them had that "California glow" about them. Yes, this was Coolhaus.

2E's and I never wanted a traditional wedding cake. We couldn't afford one; didn't care much for the taste of cake; and were rather bored of them to tell you the truth. (Granted, there are some amazing cake makers out there, but with our modest budget, that was never a realistic option.) Coolhaus' solution to the "cake-cutting" dilemma was a generous helping of their delicious red velvet ice cream sandwiched between two large black and white cookies (a true New York classic).

Overbite

Our guests could not have been more thrilled with this new take on dessert (kickass caterer Kim Pistone also supplied mini red velvet cupcakes for the ice cream "haters"). We received compliments throughout the evening (from Never seen anything like it! to I'm on my third now), and we managed to turn all of the skeptics onto the idea. Our floral and decor designer, David Beahm, a true trendsetter in the wedding field (one of Modern Bride's Top 25 Trendsetters in 2008), thought it was an absolute hit. New York, or at least the microcosm of New York that had gathered in a loft beneath the Manhattan Bridge that evening, could not get enough of Coolhaus.

Ari made all the ladies happy that night

Natasha Case, one of the co-creators of Coolhaus, asked us to choose 5 cookie varieties and 7 ice cream varieties (we chose brown butter candied bacon, dirty mint chip and baked apple among others), and on the Friday before our wedding, Natasha traveled cross-country with the ice cream. Let me just say that another way: she literally brought the ice cream from Los Angeles. It just makes it all that much more worthwhile, doesn't it?

Natasha and her staff were an absolute delight to work with--before, during and after the event. It was the little snippet of Los Angeles (by far our favorite snippet) that we had wanted to incorporate into our tiny Brooklyn wedding from the very first day, and everything about it worked beautifully. Really, anything to take the attention off my dancing.

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All photos courtesy of Noah Devereaux

Please contact Natasha about your own NYC or LA wedding at natasha@eatcoolhaus.com

And check out my previous posts featuring Coolhaus

The vendors who saved our asses: my big day

When 2E's and I stepped into our vintage taxi cab as our wedding was coming to a close, we found a small basket in the backseat, the contents of which included a handwritten note, two slender glasses and a chilled bottle of champagne. The basket was a congratulatory gift from Elif Aksoy, Lisa Friesel and Erica Greenblatt -- the ladies of My Big Day Planning.

I begin at the end to prove just how dedicated these ladies were to ensuring that our wedding was as enjoyable and carefree and perfect as it could be ... and to illustrate what it truly means to go above and beyond the call of duty.

Like our videographer, we never intended to hire a coordinator. What can they do that we can't do ourselves? What does coordinating even mean? How difficult could it possibly be to get through the wedding without the roof of the reception venue caving in on us?

Oh, silly us.

In the months prior, 2E's and I would Skype with Elif and walk through both the larger and smaller elements of the wedding. She asked us all the right questions and reminded us of all those picky little details that brides and grooms tend to forget in planning. She volunteered to research guest transportation options and costs, taught us about traditional wedding etiquette and gave us some amazing suggestions when we were at a total loss. At our rehearsal, Elif and company helped us push through our agenda and organize our wedding party. And when things got hairy with our ceremony venue contact, MBDP stepped in and handled all correspondence from then on. 

Elif and 2E's en route to the ceremony

What we found most comforting about MBDP was how willing Elif and Lisa and Erica were to take things off of our plate, work around our schedules, and set and coordinate all of our meetings. In the days leading up to our wedding, they were always on call, ready to tackle any unexpected obstacles that we might encounter. And on the day-of, they didn't let us do an ounce of work. Having all of the ladies present (with their combined expertise and enthusiasm) as opposed to just one coordinator was a true blessing, and all three of them were aware of the sequence of events and all things that needed to be done.

In planning, you'll continually ask yourself, Boy, who's going to do that tiny, thankless job at the wedding? Well, whether it was their responsibility or not, Elif and her team were pleased to do all of them. The ladies even gathered our gifts, belongings and leftovers at the end of the evening and delivered them to our hotel in the wee hours of the morning. It was no surprise to find an email from Elif in our inbox at 10am the next morning with a few updates and reminders and pending issues.

It's strange now to think that Elif and I met over Twitter; she and 2E's didn't meet in person until the week of our wedding. And I suppose those details make their contribution that much more heartening. I'd call them a triumvirate if it did them justice. Instead, I'll call them our respirators ... helping us breathe just a little bit easier.

photo by Noah Devereaux

Mitzvahs that cost 3x as much as our wedding

The other night, 2E's and I were fortunate enough to attend a bat mitzvah at a stunning private residence in Bel Air. We've been to our fair share of high profile events since we moved here at the start of 2008 -- both as guests and as photographers -- and bar and bat mitzvahs have comprised most of those events. (2E's knows all the tween socialites.) We've grown accustomed to indoor parties with DJs, straightforward catering and a chocolate bar of sorts ... but the hosts of this weekend's mitzvah raised the bar. What set them apart was not how much was spent but rather how it was spent and the people who made it happen.

First, we were thrilled to learn upon our arrival that our old friends at Coolhaus (who provided the dessert at our wedding) would be making their ass-kicking ice cream cookie sandwiches at the close of the evening. I've never seen a horde of thirteen-year-olds so willing and eager to get in line for something.

But before we got busy on dirty mint chip ice cream wedged between soft-baked goodness, the kids and I partook in some Double-Doubles c/o In-n-Out Burger's convenient Cookout Trailer.

According to one of the men who was working the truck, the average price for a 4-hour event like this (which includes a full menu with unlimited burgers, potato chips and soda) is about $1,250, which -- considering the response from the crowd -- is beyond reasonable. (As a vegetarian option, In-n-Out can do grilled cheese sandwiches.)

And all food aside -- we were introduced to a man named Karl Johnson, Master Scissor Artist Extraordinaire from a company called Cut Arts. Karl sets up a card table, empties the contents of his briefcase, invites guests to sit down and gets to work on what he calls Original Silhouette Portraits. While I was hesitant at first, watching him sculpt 2E's precise silhouette out of cardstock and a pair of scissors was both bizarre and mind-blowing.

 Eerily on-the-money

Contact Karl via his website or via email at karl@cutarts.com.

All photos by Joanna Wilson Photography