The vendors who saved our asses: my big day

When 2E's and I stepped into our vintage taxi cab as our wedding was coming to a close, we found a small basket in the backseat, the contents of which included a handwritten note, two slender glasses and a chilled bottle of champagne. The basket was a congratulatory gift from Elif Aksoy, Lisa Friesel and Erica Greenblatt -- the ladies of My Big Day Planning.

I begin at the end to prove just how dedicated these ladies were to ensuring that our wedding was as enjoyable and carefree and perfect as it could be ... and to illustrate what it truly means to go above and beyond the call of duty.

Like our videographer, we never intended to hire a coordinator. What can they do that we can't do ourselves? What does coordinating even mean? How difficult could it possibly be to get through the wedding without the roof of the reception venue caving in on us?

Oh, silly us.

In the months prior, 2E's and I would Skype with Elif and walk through both the larger and smaller elements of the wedding. She asked us all the right questions and reminded us of all those picky little details that brides and grooms tend to forget in planning. She volunteered to research guest transportation options and costs, taught us about traditional wedding etiquette and gave us some amazing suggestions when we were at a total loss. At our rehearsal, Elif and company helped us push through our agenda and organize our wedding party. And when things got hairy with our ceremony venue contact, MBDP stepped in and handled all correspondence from then on. 

Elif and 2E's en route to the ceremony

What we found most comforting about MBDP was how willing Elif and Lisa and Erica were to take things off of our plate, work around our schedules, and set and coordinate all of our meetings. In the days leading up to our wedding, they were always on call, ready to tackle any unexpected obstacles that we might encounter. And on the day-of, they didn't let us do an ounce of work. Having all of the ladies present (with their combined expertise and enthusiasm) as opposed to just one coordinator was a true blessing, and all three of them were aware of the sequence of events and all things that needed to be done.

In planning, you'll continually ask yourself, Boy, who's going to do that tiny, thankless job at the wedding? Well, whether it was their responsibility or not, Elif and her team were pleased to do all of them. The ladies even gathered our gifts, belongings and leftovers at the end of the evening and delivered them to our hotel in the wee hours of the morning. It was no surprise to find an email from Elif in our inbox at 10am the next morning with a few updates and reminders and pending issues.

It's strange now to think that Elif and I met over Twitter; she and 2E's didn't meet in person until the week of our wedding. And I suppose those details make their contribution that much more heartening. I'd call them a triumvirate if it did them justice. Instead, I'll call them our respirators ... helping us breathe just a little bit easier.

photo by Noah Devereaux

The Cutting Room Floor

When you get to this stage of the wedding process -- I guess you'd call it the final stretch, though that's incredibly terrifying -- when you get to this stage, you begin to realize that the wedding you've created together (the wedding that's playing out in your head and in various email chains) is the result of a bunch of tough decisions. Even the most basic questions: who, what, where...? Who are we bringing to this thing? Where are we doing it? Who's going to marry us? What the hell is up with the expensive photobooths? Why do I have to choose between white and ivory votives -- aren't they the same thing?

And every now and then, you and your bride tip-toe through the cutting room floor of your wedding, checking out the could-have-beens. Like ivory votives. Like a traditional cake. And there in the center of the room are all of the venues that could have been: the over-budget venues; the unimpressive venues; and that spectacular barn on a river somewhere in North Carolina.

I just don't think those linens work, sweetheart.

Standing around ogling, loitering, judging you, are all of the vendors you chose not to employ. The caterers; the calligraphers; the bands whose samples you listed to for hours on end. Photographers holding framed images of the processional, the recessional, the farewell. They're all there.

Strewn around the room are thousands of dresses and shoe boxes -- the gowns and heels and accessories that your bride considered but ultimately never bought. This is your bride's worst nightmare. If you're not holding her hand, you should be.

And I guess the most important thing is that you know when to leave, to let it go. It's easy to reflect, think about all of the routes you didn't take, the design decisions that (for whatever reason) you voted against. You may drop in once in a while to reintroduce an old, discarded idea. But in the end you just have to accept that that barn on the river was never the right space for you; that those caterers were too cookie cutter; and that the ivory candles, as ridiculous as it seems, were far inferior to the crisp, clean white candles.

Yesterday, our day-of coordinator (Elif Aksoy from My Big Day) offered to stop by our ceremony and reception venues to get a feel of the spaces, visualize the flow of the wedding and snap some photos for us. And this is the email we received late in the day:

"You guys did AMAZING! Really! Please congratulate yourselves on your incredible venue picks both for the reception & ceremony. ... I just wanted to touch base with you quickly to say that you guys are going to have the most unique & fun wedding! We are so excited to be even a small part of it."

And that's just another reason why we love Elif and are so enthused to have her as part of our wedding team ... because, while we may be doubting ourselves and shuffling through the could-have-been bins, she's there to remind us that we kind of know what we're doing and that all of those tough choices we've made are actually starting to make sense. It's all starting to come together. Especially the votives.

Christ, I'm like obsessed with votives now.