Gastro-Groom: another role for guys who kill it at the tasting

We've paid tribute to the e-Grooms and the MC Grooms out there ... but there's a large demographic of men that we haven't accounted for. I'm talking about those grooms who can't get out of the kitchen: men who cook, men who eat, even those men who are particular about the ingredients on their pizza. Men who dine, men who drink wine, and men who mix Coke and Orange Fanta at the soda dispenser.

Let us now honor those men who will listen to their stomach before they'll listen to their heart; the guys who think their taste palate should decide the color palette. Without further ado:

The Gastro-Groom

The ceremony wasn't THAT long, Paul.

One would think that the Gastro-Groom wouldn't have much to contribute to a wedding ... but one would be wrong. Read on.

• Brunch. Gastro-Grooms are saddled with the gruesome task of sitting down with their Best Man and coming up with a "man cave"-like hang out for the morning of the wedding. It could be a restaurant; it could be a bar; it could be a driving range with an eighteenth hole diner. Whatever it is, it's the one aspect of the wedding that your bride has ZERO say in. So soak it up, Groom. This feeling won't last long.
• Premium Selections. Anyone can handpick a couple liquors and beers and call it a bar ... but only a Gastro-Groom can do it with class. Do some serious research to make this task worthwhile. Experiment with cocktails. Select an assortment of beers to please different palates (an amber, a pilsner, a stout, a seasonal, a "lite," etc.). And chat with bartender buddies about quantities; most bartenders have a good sense of what people drink most often and how much the average person will consume in 4 hours. They'll also give you tips on what liquors need to and need not be premium.

We covered the spectrum with bottles of red and white on the table, sangria on passing trays, and Pacifico, Beck's, New Castle, Heineken Light & Brooklyn Lager at the bar. Photograph by Picotte Photography.

• King of the Tasting. Gastro-Grooms don't just show up at tastings; they own them. Gastros dress up for the occasion, ask the right questions and rate the food on a rather complex Gastro-scale, which comes in handy when you can't remember which caterer had those sweet ass sweet potato fries.
• Feeding the Jet Lagged. Not all hotels offer decent room service, and you don't want guests who've flown halfway across the country to have to resort to the $18 bag of M&Ms in the mini bar. Source out some awesome sweets (baked goods make a strong first impression), as well as some healthier options to re-energize your weary travelers, and let that be your contribution to the hotel welcome baskets.
• Feeding the Bride. Wedding week is chaotic. It's 11AM one minute and 4PM the next. Assuming you're not as bogged down as your bride, be a good (pre)husband and make sure she's eating. If you're staying at a hotel, find a nearby deli or bistro and grab a couple to-go menus for the room.
• The Smaller Meal. Gastro-Grooms don't do rehearsal dinners at the downtown banquet hall, unless that banquet hall is linked to a stellar, five-star restaurant. These grooms spend months scouting the perfect gastropub to match the occasion, conduct taste tests with the finalists and work with the special events manager to craft the ideal menu for a large group of people who have nothing in common (i.e. opinions on food).

Photograph by Picotte Photography

• The Bigger Meal. Why would a Groom want to man up and take the reigns on the reception catering? Three reasons: (1) Getting to share that cocktail hour "concession stand" theme that's been brewing for a while. (2) The fact that the meal is one of the most memorable things about a wedding. If you score on food, you score major points across the board. (3) Making sure that the food pairs well with the beers you've selected. Yes, you know precisely where your priorities are.
• Cutting the [Groom] Cake. Rather than doing a groom's cake (unless you're really attached to it, in which case -- go to it!), incorporate your or your bride's favorite final course into the evening's festivities. If you think you've got it in you to design an epic dessert bar, start sketching out ideas. Personally, I'd love to see mini-Wendy's Chocolate Frosties on passing trays with french fries to dip. If a Groom could make that happen, he would be tops in my book. Just putting it out there.

e-Groom: another role for men who can't design but can type real good

Earlier this month, I devised a new role for grooms who aren't built to design but still want to be involved. I coined him the MC Groom.

And this morning I've decided to unveil another role for men who don't quite fit into the traditional planning process -- a position designed for grooms who can't seem to step away from the computer, for those who value email above all other forms of communication, who e-shop and e-ticket and e-finance. This one's for the men who forget that there was a time when we didn't have the internet (What?). These grooms may be playing Farmville at the altar, but that's kind of why you agreed to marry them in the first place. It's not the most inventive name in the world, but we call him:

the e-Groom

Steve's idea of groom attire is a full-on turtleneck and contacts

The concept? There's no need to peel your groom away from the computer when there's a million wedding-related errands that he can run on the computer. No more legwork, men. Check out these e-tasks:

• TheKnot.com - If your groom is computer savvy, chances are he's got a pretty good handle on Excel, Access and all those other programs that typically collect dust on your desktop. So put him in charge of that overwhelming to-do list (find helpful hints and checklists at The Knot and the new Google Weddings website), and in no time he'll have developed a 12-month plan, neatly organized in a spreadsheet that's (not surprisingly) compatible with your iPhone. 

• YourWeddingWebsite.com - Give your geeky guy full reign when it comes to the wedding website. If he's proficient in Dreamweaver or any other web design platforms, he'll be in heaven. If not, he'll gladly hunt down the best cost-free option that has the most flexibility with layout, customization, etc. Either way, give the man some direction in terms of design and you'll be online in no time.

• YourWeddingWebsite.com/blog - And as an added bonus, because he's heading up web design and upkeep, he can also be in charge of the wedding blog. (Who the hell would want one of those, especially from the GROOM's perspective?!) Trust me, it need not be revolutionary or time-consuming. Even if it's a one-paragraph entry, your families will love his witty take on yesterday's "tropical wedding theme" debate.

• Target.com - One of the frustrating things about gift registries is that the stores will most likely add, drop and tweak their products in the course of a year (those dinner plates that were teal in March are now purple in November). On top of that, with stores like Target and CB2, there's a whole other online component, and new items are constantly being added to their inventory. So ask your e-Groom to stay up-to-date on new and discontinued products (hint: he can sign up for the stores' newsletters).

• Yelp.com - Rehearsal dinner venue hunting can be exhausting -- especially when your plan of attack is something like, Let's just drive around and stop whenever we see a place we like! Make your life easy and ask your man to narrow the search on Yelp or Citysearch, where he can browse restaurants by neighborhood, feature, cost and cuisine.

• Etsy.com - Don't worry, ladies, I'm not suggesting that e-Groom will assume all Etsy-related responsibilities -- and by responsibilities, I mean you staying up until 3AM, trying to decide which antique birdcage best fits your motif. There are numerous groom-friendly Etsy shops where he can purchase homemade or vintage ties, socks, cuff links and gifts for his groomsmen (and don't forget TheManRegistry.com, renowned man sanctuary).

• Photoshop.com - Between our ceremony and reception spaces, 2Es and I must have gone through a hundred floor plans before deciding on our final two schemes. If e-Groom knows his way around Adobe (Illustrator, Photoshop, etc.), ask him to sketch out a floor plan for you. He can get the measurements from your venue contact and throw in the DJ booth, bar, cocktail tables, dinner tables and gift table as needed.

• Gmail.com - Correspondence is a huge part of wedding planning; sorting through, filing and responding to emails from vendors can be a full-time job. So if your groom excels at e-communication, ask him to be the contact person for proposals, quotes, contracts, appointments and so on. He can create a Gmail account specifically for the wedding (plungetakers@gmail.com) so that you can both be aware of what's happening. He can also take the lead on getting vendor referrals from previous clients. 

• Google.com - Based on our wedding experience, I'd say that 90% of planning is devoted to research. We need to find a caterer. We need to find ceremony texts. We need to find a song for you and your mom. Lucky for you, 100% of that 90% can be done online. So tell your e-Groom that you need welcome bags that don't look cheap but are actually really, really cheap, and see what he can come with up. And don't forget to let him have a say in the final decision; after all, he did just spend two hours Google searching "really, really cheap nice bags."

• Flickr.com - Post-wedding, you'll find that more than half of your guests have photos to share from the wedding -- and all of them managed to get you doing the worm in that blurry hour between 11PM and midnight. Ask e-Groom to perform one final, hassle-free task: compile all of your friends' and family members' photos, sort them chronologically, remove the duplicates and share them with the whole crew on Flickr or Shutterfly. Just don't complain when he makes that worm photo your Facebook profile pic. 

MC Groom: A new role for men who don't design and brides who need a hand

The most common questions I get from brides are, Madman, what can my groom help out with? What jobs am I supposed to give him? Why do I end up doing everything myself?!

First things first, ladies: you have to be willing to let go. There are those brides amongst us (and you know who you are) who gripe about juggling a hundred things at once but won't let their man come within three feet of their inspiration notebook for fear that they'll stain the pages with their soiled man fingers. (Yes brides, you know precisely who you are.) And I suppose there's nothing wrong with wanting to single-handedly execute your dream wedding ... but you may not get much sympathy while you pull your hair out one strand at a time.

Now assuming that you're willing to share some responsibilities, there are an infinite number of ways in which you can split the workload. If you're one of the lucky brides whose groom is willing to meet you halfway, I've devised a new role for grooms that allows the two of you to divvy up the tasks from the get-go. Introducing:

The Master of Ceremonies Groom

Joel Grey, MC Groom pioneer, heavy on the blush

It's simple: MC Groom is in charge of any and all things related to guest hospitality. His responsibilities include but are not limited to:

• Male on Mail. MC Groom will stuff, stamp, send out the Save the Dates and the Invites. When guests respond, he'll be responsible for managing the guest list (that means keeping track of RSVPs, updating mailing addresses, hounding guests who don't respond, etc). 
• MC Groom Inn the House. Your groom will also assume the sometimes unpleasant tasks involved in guest accommodations, like researching hotel options and being the point-person for the hotel's group sales coordinator. It might also involve alerting out-of-town guests about the block of rooms that are set aside and ensuring that all guests get the decided-upon rate.
• Music and Food. Brides, you won't like what you're about to hear, but just know that you can't possibly book all of your vendors yourself and keep your head on straight simultaneously. MC Groom will manage. He'll do all the research, share his findings, manage contracts and handle all of the correspondence with your DJ/band and your caterer, the two vendors who will please and feed your guests' ear drums and taste buds, respectively. He'll ensure that the music that's played will appeal to all of your guests and guarantee that the caterer caters to any dietary needs of your guests. Don't worry, brides, you can still help him choose who those vendors will be and help decide the menu for the evening. And an added bonus -- you're still responsible for the venue(s), the coordinators and planners, the officiant, the florist/designer, the photographer and the videographer. Win!
• The Mini-Wedding. What a blessing it is that MC Groom is accustomed to eating, because he'll be in charge of choosing the venue for the rehearsal dinner and working hand-in-hand with his parents (assuming they're hosting the event) to plan the festivities.
• Favors. I know this is a touchy territory; some brides revel in the fact that they can send their guests off with homemade chocolate chip cookie-scented candles, and we wouldn't dare take that joy away from you. But for those brides who aren't as crafty, your groom may have some ideas to run by you and may be the perfect sounding board for yours.

MC Groom Charles hand-drew these cartoons and quotes on these otherwise ordinary containers. Every drawing was unique. 
(Photograph by Joanna Wilson Photography)

• Information Hotline. MC Groom will assume the daunting task of ensuring that everyone knows exactly where everything is being held and how to get from this thing to that other thing. And in the days leading up to the wedding, he can field all of the phone calls from your long-winded guests who have inane questions. Someone needs to tell cousin Mark that, no, he shouldn't wear open-toed shoes to the reception.
• Liquor Cabinet. And yes, he will gladly take care of the booze, which makes sense since he's going to be communicating with your caterer directly. He'll select the beer and the liquor and mix some specialty cocktails for you to sample at home. He's such a gentleman... 
• The There-and-Back. If applicable, MC Groom will be responsible for researching transportation options for your guests, whether that involves a taxi, a trolley or an eight-person bicycle.  
• We Love Our Garlic Press. My 2Es can attest to the unanticipated burden of sending out thank you cards. You planned a wedding for over a year, and once it's through (while you're genuinely stoked about your new Calphalon stick-free wok), the last thing you want to do is sit down and put those feelings on paper. The fact that you're given a full year to complete the task doesn't help either, as you only end up delaying the inevitable. So let MC Groom express your gratitude. Buy some stationery you approve of and put them in his trusty hands, confident that he can mail out four or five dozen envelopes in twelve months time. 

MC Groom will also be charged with the traditional groom responsibilities -- his own attire; attire, rentals, accessories and gifts for his men; and the gifts for his parents.

MC Groom Charles took "arranging the groomsmen footwear" to the next level. Photo by Joanna Wilson Photography.

Granted, this list is by no means comprehensive. Each wedding is its own beast. You may decide to hire a guitarist for the ceremony or rent a photobooth for the evening, either of which you could add to his to-do list. Or you may want to book some reception sitters to care for the infants and toddlers when they turn loopy; MC Groom could certainly handle that task.

Grooms, if you look at this list and think, But I'm doing everything now!, I'll be more than happy to provide you with a longer and infinitely more horrifying list of all of the things that you're not doing. And brides, if you're hellbent on hunting down a chic, dilapidated old school bus to transport your guests from place to place -- I think we can let that slide.