Gastro-Groom: another role for guys who kill it at the tasting

We've paid tribute to the e-Grooms and the MC Grooms out there ... but there's a large demographic of men that we haven't accounted for. I'm talking about those grooms who can't get out of the kitchen: men who cook, men who eat, even those men who are particular about the ingredients on their pizza. Men who dine, men who drink wine, and men who mix Coke and Orange Fanta at the soda dispenser.

Let us now honor those men who will listen to their stomach before they'll listen to their heart; the guys who think their taste palate should decide the color palette. Without further ado:

The Gastro-Groom

The ceremony wasn't THAT long, Paul.

One would think that the Gastro-Groom wouldn't have much to contribute to a wedding ... but one would be wrong. Read on.

• Brunch. Gastro-Grooms are saddled with the gruesome task of sitting down with their Best Man and coming up with a "man cave"-like hang out for the morning of the wedding. It could be a restaurant; it could be a bar; it could be a driving range with an eighteenth hole diner. Whatever it is, it's the one aspect of the wedding that your bride has ZERO say in. So soak it up, Groom. This feeling won't last long.
• Premium Selections. Anyone can handpick a couple liquors and beers and call it a bar ... but only a Gastro-Groom can do it with class. Do some serious research to make this task worthwhile. Experiment with cocktails. Select an assortment of beers to please different palates (an amber, a pilsner, a stout, a seasonal, a "lite," etc.). And chat with bartender buddies about quantities; most bartenders have a good sense of what people drink most often and how much the average person will consume in 4 hours. They'll also give you tips on what liquors need to and need not be premium.

We covered the spectrum with bottles of red and white on the table, sangria on passing trays, and Pacifico, Beck's, New Castle, Heineken Light & Brooklyn Lager at the bar. Photograph by Picotte Photography.

• King of the Tasting. Gastro-Grooms don't just show up at tastings; they own them. Gastros dress up for the occasion, ask the right questions and rate the food on a rather complex Gastro-scale, which comes in handy when you can't remember which caterer had those sweet ass sweet potato fries.
• Feeding the Jet Lagged. Not all hotels offer decent room service, and you don't want guests who've flown halfway across the country to have to resort to the $18 bag of M&Ms in the mini bar. Source out some awesome sweets (baked goods make a strong first impression), as well as some healthier options to re-energize your weary travelers, and let that be your contribution to the hotel welcome baskets.
• Feeding the Bride. Wedding week is chaotic. It's 11AM one minute and 4PM the next. Assuming you're not as bogged down as your bride, be a good (pre)husband and make sure she's eating. If you're staying at a hotel, find a nearby deli or bistro and grab a couple to-go menus for the room.
• The Smaller Meal. Gastro-Grooms don't do rehearsal dinners at the downtown banquet hall, unless that banquet hall is linked to a stellar, five-star restaurant. These grooms spend months scouting the perfect gastropub to match the occasion, conduct taste tests with the finalists and work with the special events manager to craft the ideal menu for a large group of people who have nothing in common (i.e. opinions on food).

Photograph by Picotte Photography

• The Bigger Meal. Why would a Groom want to man up and take the reigns on the reception catering? Three reasons: (1) Getting to share that cocktail hour "concession stand" theme that's been brewing for a while. (2) The fact that the meal is one of the most memorable things about a wedding. If you score on food, you score major points across the board. (3) Making sure that the food pairs well with the beers you've selected. Yes, you know precisely where your priorities are.
• Cutting the [Groom] Cake. Rather than doing a groom's cake (unless you're really attached to it, in which case -- go to it!), incorporate your or your bride's favorite final course into the evening's festivities. If you think you've got it in you to design an epic dessert bar, start sketching out ideas. Personally, I'd love to see mini-Wendy's Chocolate Frosties on passing trays with french fries to dip. If a Groom could make that happen, he would be tops in my book. Just putting it out there.

Monday Morning Rant

A Twitter conversation upset me a bit more than it should have last week.

Strike that -- it upset me more than I should have let it upset me. A bride who shall go nameless sent last week's e-Groom post (some responsibilities for grooms who find themselves online more than the average person) to her fiance. In short, he and his buddies joked about how "ridiculous" this blog was. This comment sums it up:

I wouldn't trust any dude that blogs about weddings.

As any fellow blogger will tell you, I didn't feel that these guys were attacking me personally. And I don't mean to single them out either. But I feel that it's all part of a much bigger, unspoken conversation.

I don't hear from grooms too often, but I hear from their brides. I hear from brides who are obliterated from all of the planning and the scheduling and the emails, brides who express their frustration over social media websites and don't eat right and wake up at 5AM after having a panic-inducing nightmare about their to-do list. To most men, this sounds absurd. How could something like a wedding get someone so worked up?

But it does. Brides reach out to their grooms for help (or send them blog posts to inspire them), and they get nothing in return. Or a bride is afraid to reach out because, since Day 1, their groom has said Whatever you want honey, I don't care how it looks, you could do whatever you want, and I'll be happy. That's not a gift, men; it's a curse.

And for every bride who's planning a DIY wedding and loving every minute of it, there's one who just wants it all to go away. I know, by the end of our 15-month planning period, we were spent. 2Es didn't want to see another wedding as long as she lived. That was in part due to me being in New York for a good portion of it and escalating frustrations with our venues -- but it's not uncommon.

So from the dude that blogs about weddings -- let me just say that there is nothing masculine, manly or admirable about a guy who sits back and lets their bride do all the work. Helping with wedding planning is no different than opening a car door, than carrying the groceries, than cooking your soon-to-be-wife a three-course meal. It's no different than taking out the trash or putting the seat down or taking her out to dinner. It's no different from being a gentleman.

And dude -- if you're too manly to do any of the above, then maybe you should marry one of your fantasy football friends. I bet you guys could have a really nice, low-key civil union without any flowers at all.

e-Groom: another role for men who can't design but can type real good

Earlier this month, I devised a new role for grooms who aren't built to design but still want to be involved. I coined him the MC Groom.

And this morning I've decided to unveil another role for men who don't quite fit into the traditional planning process -- a position designed for grooms who can't seem to step away from the computer, for those who value email above all other forms of communication, who e-shop and e-ticket and e-finance. This one's for the men who forget that there was a time when we didn't have the internet (What?). These grooms may be playing Farmville at the altar, but that's kind of why you agreed to marry them in the first place. It's not the most inventive name in the world, but we call him:

the e-Groom

Steve's idea of groom attire is a full-on turtleneck and contacts

The concept? There's no need to peel your groom away from the computer when there's a million wedding-related errands that he can run on the computer. No more legwork, men. Check out these e-tasks:

• TheKnot.com - If your groom is computer savvy, chances are he's got a pretty good handle on Excel, Access and all those other programs that typically collect dust on your desktop. So put him in charge of that overwhelming to-do list (find helpful hints and checklists at The Knot and the new Google Weddings website), and in no time he'll have developed a 12-month plan, neatly organized in a spreadsheet that's (not surprisingly) compatible with your iPhone. 

• YourWeddingWebsite.com - Give your geeky guy full reign when it comes to the wedding website. If he's proficient in Dreamweaver or any other web design platforms, he'll be in heaven. If not, he'll gladly hunt down the best cost-free option that has the most flexibility with layout, customization, etc. Either way, give the man some direction in terms of design and you'll be online in no time.

• YourWeddingWebsite.com/blog - And as an added bonus, because he's heading up web design and upkeep, he can also be in charge of the wedding blog. (Who the hell would want one of those, especially from the GROOM's perspective?!) Trust me, it need not be revolutionary or time-consuming. Even if it's a one-paragraph entry, your families will love his witty take on yesterday's "tropical wedding theme" debate.

• Target.com - One of the frustrating things about gift registries is that the stores will most likely add, drop and tweak their products in the course of a year (those dinner plates that were teal in March are now purple in November). On top of that, with stores like Target and CB2, there's a whole other online component, and new items are constantly being added to their inventory. So ask your e-Groom to stay up-to-date on new and discontinued products (hint: he can sign up for the stores' newsletters).

• Yelp.com - Rehearsal dinner venue hunting can be exhausting -- especially when your plan of attack is something like, Let's just drive around and stop whenever we see a place we like! Make your life easy and ask your man to narrow the search on Yelp or Citysearch, where he can browse restaurants by neighborhood, feature, cost and cuisine.

• Etsy.com - Don't worry, ladies, I'm not suggesting that e-Groom will assume all Etsy-related responsibilities -- and by responsibilities, I mean you staying up until 3AM, trying to decide which antique birdcage best fits your motif. There are numerous groom-friendly Etsy shops where he can purchase homemade or vintage ties, socks, cuff links and gifts for his groomsmen (and don't forget TheManRegistry.com, renowned man sanctuary).

• Photoshop.com - Between our ceremony and reception spaces, 2Es and I must have gone through a hundred floor plans before deciding on our final two schemes. If e-Groom knows his way around Adobe (Illustrator, Photoshop, etc.), ask him to sketch out a floor plan for you. He can get the measurements from your venue contact and throw in the DJ booth, bar, cocktail tables, dinner tables and gift table as needed.

• Gmail.com - Correspondence is a huge part of wedding planning; sorting through, filing and responding to emails from vendors can be a full-time job. So if your groom excels at e-communication, ask him to be the contact person for proposals, quotes, contracts, appointments and so on. He can create a Gmail account specifically for the wedding (plungetakers@gmail.com) so that you can both be aware of what's happening. He can also take the lead on getting vendor referrals from previous clients. 

• Google.com - Based on our wedding experience, I'd say that 90% of planning is devoted to research. We need to find a caterer. We need to find ceremony texts. We need to find a song for you and your mom. Lucky for you, 100% of that 90% can be done online. So tell your e-Groom that you need welcome bags that don't look cheap but are actually really, really cheap, and see what he can come with up. And don't forget to let him have a say in the final decision; after all, he did just spend two hours Google searching "really, really cheap nice bags."

• Flickr.com - Post-wedding, you'll find that more than half of your guests have photos to share from the wedding -- and all of them managed to get you doing the worm in that blurry hour between 11PM and midnight. Ask e-Groom to perform one final, hassle-free task: compile all of your friends' and family members' photos, sort them chronologically, remove the duplicates and share them with the whole crew on Flickr or Shutterfly. Just don't complain when he makes that worm photo your Facebook profile pic.