A Twitter conversation upset me a bit more than it should have last week.
Strike that -- it upset me more than I should have let it upset me. A bride who shall go nameless sent last week's e-Groom post (some responsibilities for grooms who find themselves online more than the average person) to her fiance. In short, he and his buddies joked about how "ridiculous" this blog was. This comment sums it up:
I wouldn't trust any dude that blogs about weddings.
As any fellow blogger will tell you, I didn't feel that these guys were attacking me personally. And I don't mean to single them out either. But I feel that it's all part of a much bigger, unspoken conversation.
I don't hear from grooms too often, but I hear from their brides. I hear from brides who are obliterated from all of the planning and the scheduling and the emails, brides who express their frustration over social media websites and don't eat right and wake up at 5AM after having a panic-inducing nightmare about their to-do list. To most men, this sounds absurd. How could something like a wedding get someone so worked up?
But it does. Brides reach out to their grooms for help (or send them blog posts to inspire them), and they get nothing in return. Or a bride is afraid to reach out because, since Day 1, their groom has said Whatever you want honey, I don't care how it looks, you could do whatever you want, and I'll be happy. That's not a gift, men; it's a curse.
And for every bride who's planning a DIY wedding and loving every minute of it, there's one who just wants it all to go away. I know, by the end of our 15-month planning period, we were spent. 2Es didn't want to see another wedding as long as she lived. That was in part due to me being in New York for a good portion of it and escalating frustrations with our venues -- but it's not uncommon.
So from the dude that blogs about weddings -- let me just say that there is nothing masculine, manly or admirable about a guy who sits back and lets their bride do all the work. Helping with wedding planning is no different than opening a car door, than carrying the groceries, than cooking your soon-to-be-wife a three-course meal. It's no different than taking out the trash or putting the seat down or taking her out to dinner. It's no different from being a gentleman.
And dude -- if you're too manly to do any of the above, then maybe you should marry one of your fantasy football friends. I bet you guys could have a really nice, low-key civil union without any flowers at all.