December 3, 2009

Dishonorable Groom

My mother snipped the following article from The Miami Herald (apparently from Section G - Totally Random International "News"). It's the perfect follow-up to yesterday's post on New York supergroom Don Walling.

According to the article, Edwin Ortiz was tying the knot as part of a mass wedding in Miraflores, Peru, when the ceremony was interrupted by his ex's relatives. Ortiz was dragged outside and physically assaulted before the offenders were hauled away.

Here are the reasons it sucks to be Edwin Ortiz.

The reasons it sucks to be Edwin Ortiz

1. By "ex's relatives," I mean to say his ex's female relatives.
2. By "ex's female relatives," I mean to say his ex's mother, sisters and aunt.
3. The female relatives were described as "burly."   
4. Apparently his ex joined in the beating once they dragged Edwin outside.
5. Edwin fathered two kids with his ex.
6. Edwin registered as a bachelor with no kids. 
7. All of this was caught on camera.
8. Assuming his 2E's still wanted to go through with it, their wedding day will always be known as that day when Edwin got his ass kicked by several burly Peruvian women with a bone to pick.

Lessons we've learned from Edwin Ortiz

1. Don't do that.
2. For some, a mass wedding is a cheaper and more communal alternative to a private ceremony. For others, it's a chance to get married in a hurry before your ex and her female relatives manage to track you down.

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