December 8, 2009

*Made with REAL French cocoa powder!

From this point on, I'll be starting my mornings with a quick browse on, a one-stop online shop for all things wedding-related. Check out their page heading:

Honeymoon Necessities 

Before the newlyweds embark on their fabulous tropical getaway, set them sailing with some of our fun and practical Honeymoon Necessities. We've got everything from flip flops and picnic baskets to lavish lingerie and bath supplies. Give the happy couple our matching His and Her Honeymoon Sandals for their week on the beach, or our delightfully naughty Just Married Do Not Disturb Door Sign. Choose from other fun accessories such as personalized Bride Baseball Caps and Engraveable Luggage Tags.

2E's will occasionally confess to a wedding-related nightmare: the one where no one shows up; the one where too many people show up; the one where everyone shows up drunk.

As for me, it must be three nights out of each week that I wake up at 2:00AM, panting, sweating -- worried not about attendance or alcoholics, but rather tortured by a twisted dream in which 2E's and I had taken off for our tropical getaway honeymoon without our delightfully naughty door sign.

When I think honeymoon, I don't think relaxation. Or sunshine. Or "spending time with each other." Hell no. I think:
  • camisole & panty set
  • newlywed flip flops (in pink and blue so I know whose is whose)
  • multiple personalized tote bags
  • multiple terry cloth robes
  • matching newlywed ball caps (with "groom" and "bride" written on them so I remember who is who)
  • chocolate body paint & accompanying body paintbrush 
  • chocolate body powder & accompanying purple ostrich feather (made with real French cocoa powder)
  • nose hair trimmers

Somebody please stop me before I max out a credit card on disturbingly stereotypical merchandise. I mean, this will be "a night we'll never forget" ... and it's perfectly logical to have an embroidered door hanger that tells the other hotel guests precisely that.

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