March 21, 2010

The Groomzilla

OK, so it's not a new concept, but it's one we've never quite defined. Thanks to WE-TV, we know more than we'll ever need to know about the Bridezilla phenomenon ... but how much do we know about their male counterpart?

Not enough, is the answer. Not. Enough. 

As with brides, it's a fine line between a "concerned" and "caring" and "involved" groom, and the infamous "groomzilla." It's the difference between having an opinion and making demands. Some grooms may disagree (and as with any rule, there are exceptions), but grooms should never make demands. Grooms can make recommendations. Suggestions. Hints. Cases. Points. PowerPoint presentations.

Grooms cannot make demands. Some examples:

CONCERNED GROOM: I don't feel like we're DJ people ... do you? I've just always pictured us having a band. I don't know, maybe that's just me.
GROOMZILLA: I really won't be happy unless we have a band. I won't dance to a DJ. Seriously. You know how much I hate Moby. ... I won't dance. End of story.

CARING GROOM: Do you want to look at some other options before we pay that much for a wedding coordinator?
GROOMZILLA: No, scrap that idea. My Aunt Mildred will do it. She's very loud and she has a watch. Wedding coordinating done.

INVOLVED GROOM: What if we split it up? What if I did the Save the Dates and you did the invites? Then it's less work for both of us and we both get to do something...?
GROOMZILLA: I'm absolutely doing the Save the Dates. And the invites. I'm so much better with Microsoft Word. It's not even a competition. Honey - honey - honey - trust me. I got this.

No, Groomzilla, you don't got this.

A groom's primary responsibility, as I've ALWAYS said, is moral support. You are the comfort. The shoulder. You're the one that yells at the photographer when he suddenly tells you that "this date doesn't really work" for him. The one who celebrates with her when the new catering estimate comes in dollars below your budget. And occasionally, yes, you're there to play devil's advocate. Your two cents are always welcome.

But you aren't the star of this show. Leave the diva at home.

You know those Snickers commercials with Betty White and Aretha Franklin? Perhaps they should have one for grooms ... one where the best man pulls the groom aside:

BEST MAN: Christ, man, you're acting like Whitney Houston up there! Have a friggin' Snickers!

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