March 24, 2010

Ultimate Groom Decided (& He Cheated)

Hi readers,

I understand many of you were unable to sleep at night while awaiting the Ultimate Groom announcement from The Man Registry. For that reason, I waited an extra day to share the results.

Congratulations to TRENT McCOOL, winner of the Ultimate Groom Contest!

Now, look, I don't want to be "that guy" today -- but Trent essentially found a loophole in the system, and that's how he was able to conquer the other men. See, nowhere in the contest rules did it exclude robot grooms ... and that's precisely what Trent is. A robot groom. Trent is a robot.

(Hey, I was a judge. I had certain privileges.)

Robot hands. Robot smile. Manufactured robot happiness.

Seriously though, the guy published a book of their email correspondence. He, like me, is doing long distance planning. And a long distance relationship. He's booked the DJ and will be booking the caterer shortly. He talks to his fiancee about life and the future and stuff. He made Save the Date magnets, for chrissake. He's a damn robot. And because The Man Registry did not have the foresight to include a "no robots" clause (it is 2010, men!), this is the result. He is victorious. He gets a bunch of free stuff. So, whatever. Congratulations Trent ... 

... friggin' robot.


  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA fuck this hilarious (robot groom, not the fact that you lost to him). I literally thought this was a joke at first... I mean, "trent mcCool"? Really? That's reeeaaally his name? You or Super Dave should have won. Such highway robbery... or should I say highway robotery? (honk)

  2. All you wanna-be robots can bite me! Does not compute... does not compute!! And yes, my last name really is McCool... Get ready, 'cause we're gonna start populating the world with more little Robot McCool, Jr's!

    Honestly, I think all this is kinda funny... yeah, and cool too. I had no idea she was signing me up for this. I'm just looking forward to the monogramed beer mugs! There ain't no way I'm lettin' go of those!!

    Oh, and the kit from Adam & Eve will come in handy too! ;)

    Thanks again! We'll have to hang out the next time we're in LA. I have family out there in Hermosa Beach. I'll buy the first round of shots!

    Peece Owt!
    -DJ T-Money
    aka Trent "Super Robot" McCool

  3. Oh, have no fear, Britt. I'm not actually bitter. I was a contest judge, so I wasn't eligible to win. Such is life.

    Nonetheless, he is a damn robot - his robot-ish comment makes that perfectly clear.

    I'm in NY for the time being, Trent, but yea - let me know when you're in LA this summer and we'll have a beer. Well, I'LL have a beer. You'll have ... gasoline? I don't know what robots drink, dude.

  4. Alisa lives in Manhattan. I'll be up there in May for her last performance. We could chillax then. Will you still be up there then?

    FYI: Alisa and I met on eHarmony... Long distance ain't easy.