April 13, 2011

Gaga turned George Michael: Why Bachelorette Parties Aren't for Men

East Side Bride crashed the 100 Layer Cake blog late last month with the 10 perfect ingredients for a Gaga-inspired bachelorette extravaganza.

Well, with new groom Justin's bachelor weekend less than a month away (and still having no good ideas of my own), I thought, Do ESB's ideas apply to women alone? Why can't men partake in this Gaga awesomeness?!

So we printed out her directions and followed ESB's orders to a tee. This is what happened.

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Dear ESB:
How do I plan the most awesomest bachelorette party?
(designed for women, executed by men)

1. Invite all the bridesmaids, obv, check and anyone else the bride wants to add to the list check. Don’t be afraid to include a rogue friend-of-a-friend who is known to be fun and a little bit crazy yup, we got a dude who's been to prison, check.

2. Reserve a hotel suite somewhere cheap(ish) but cool like The Standard or The Ace. We actually misread this as "cheap(ish) and uncool." We booked a junior suite at the HoJo Airport Express. There's free wifi.

3. Gaga it up with a record player disc man, headphones blaring, and some scented candles bathroom air freshener while you hang out and do each other’s makeup now it's a typical Friday night.

bachelor party trifecta

4. Have an early drink somewhere scene-y to get in the mood. Wow, you're right, this place is incredibly scene-y. Practice flirting with the bartenders. We just got kicked out of the bar.

5. Eat dinner. Done and done. We don’t want the bride barfing later when she does too many shots on an empty stomach. Absolutely not. And Justin is prone to barfing, trust me.

6. Suit er up with a pink feather boa and a gigantic flashing diamond ring. Yeah, well, the "rogue friend-of-a-friend" managed to leave both of these at the bar. Asshole.

7. Outside the next bar, arrange for a couple of adorable young actor/musicians with a guitar and a ukelele to serenade the bride. OK, we managed to find an adorable musician and an actor with a ukelele. Perhaps with an acoustic version of a Lady Gaga song? They claim not to know any, which you know is total bullshit. Followed by a romantic old favorite that may or may not make her melt into a puddle on the sidewalk. Oh, they're Russian. My bad.

8. Have some drinks. This bar is less scene-y. Pecker Party Straws are FUNNY! but optional. Justin has Pecker straws at home ... so we nixed that and roofied his drink instead. Helping him to the bathroom is FUNNY! but optional.

9. Hit another bar. We're still in the bathroom of the last bar. Are you picking up on the theme here? Not a theme necessarily, but definitely a George Michael vibe here in the john. I’m certainly not endorsing wild, out-of-control, binge drinking oops, but I do think it’s important for this wild child to have a last hurrah. Yeah, I think this will be his last. If she struts around a bar in a pink boa, men will buy her drinks. Right, right. And she’ll remember that there are other men in the world. Uh-huh. And then she’ll realize (all over again) that her man is the man she wants to be with. Oh, that's the theme? See, this is why you should read ahead.

10. Hide some good snacks in your luggage. I've been munching on the leftover roofies the whole ride home. You’ll thank yourself at the end of the night. I can't find my face.

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A huge thank you to East Side Bride for allowing us to mar her good words, which originally appeared on 100 Layer Cake
See the original post HERE.


  1. oh my gosh this is too funny! Love this post!

  2. Dear Groom Says,
    My office loves you right now. Thank you!!
    Runners Delight/Vow Muse

  3. Thanks for this amusing article. It sure made my day!I love your sense of humor...love your post!

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