What Grooms Can Learn From Michael Scott

[Warning: contains spoilers!]

We've learned a great deal from the employees at Dunder Mifflin (a division of Sabre) paper company over the years. Oscar has taught us about tolerance; Jim's taught us that the nice guy can in fact finish first; and Dwight has given us a swarm of Darwinian survival skills that none of us will ever need in the course of our natural lives.

And now, moments before his grand departure, Michael has taught us something about being a compassionate man and a worthy groom ... a huge step up from lessons in mismanagement, misuse of funds, and inappropriate conduct in office all environments.

This past Thursday, Michael proposed to his not-too-long-time girlfriend Holly, a bold move that still didn’t come off as a surprise considering his impulsive tendencies. What began as a disaster waiting to happen (dousing a parking lot with gasoline) soon became one of the most uniquely simplistic wedding proposals of all time. 

And so -- for grooms out there who are seeking inspiration -- we’ve put together this list of 6 WAYS TO ASK HER TO MARRY YOU AND MAKE IT LOOK EASY LIKE MICHAEL SCOTT.

1. Heed a woman’s advice. If your bride’s best friend Sarah, or your Aunt Honey, or your co-worker Pam pulls you aside and warns you that the “event of the century” that you're cooking up is not really up her alley, take it to heart. There’s no harm intended. Women just happen to know what other women like ... and while your 2Es may find your WWE fascination tolerable, it doesn’t mean she wants Vince McMahon to pop the question on your behalf.

2. Play it cool with ambiguity. “Let’s go for a walk,” Michael insists. “I want to show you some stuff.” Walk where? What stuff? The lingering curiosity will only help build her excitement before the big moment.

3. Involving friends isn’t lame, as long as those friends are clued into what’s happening and play a vital role in the occasion. The entire Dunder Mifflin workforce lined both sides of the break room, and several of them (in turn) asked Holly to marry them. The accomplishment? Their “family” is an integral part of the event, and Michael expresses – quite eloquently, too – that he is the only person for Holly, and she the only one for him.

4. Candles go a long way. Don't forget to light them.

5. Go with the flow, and it that means that you need to get wet, then get wet for chrissake. Use humor, and don’t be afraid to acknowledge the silliness of it all. Proposals can be awkward and clumsy and nerve-wracking. Some things may not go as planned; others may go horribly wrong, and that’s OK. None of us live in a bubble. What’s important is that you embrace that awkwardness, that clumsiness, that horror—and give in to life’s little surprises. You’ll be a bigger man because of it.

6. Overall, just keep it simple. It doesn't have to be hard, and it doesn't even need to last that long. (That's what she said.)

Changes after marriage? Besides the third arm?

At a couples dinner last night, former bridesmaid Julie posed a question that several (hundred) people have posed to us in the past few months ... one that Julie herself has posed in the past ... and one that we've posed to other couples after their own weddings.

"I know you guys said nothing changed, but something had to change by now! What's different now that you're married?!"

Despite being together for almost seven years, and living together for five of those years, I suppose it is reasonable to assume that things have changed in the last 6 months. That we sleep on opposite sides of the bed. That she developed ticks. That I cry in my sleep.

In honor of Julie's persistence and the thought of embracing change, I've mustered up 3 things that have changed around here, not including the stripper pole that I removed from the den.

(Like we even have a den...)

1. I have no $. And no, I don't mean to suggest that I'm broke as a result of the wedding. Rather, I have no money of my own. 2Es dragged me into our local Chase branch at the end of the year and promptly closed my checking and savings account. The Chase representative who assisted us was unmarried, his left ring finger evenly tanned. I could see stone cold fear behind his professional gaze.

"It's just easier this way," she says to me, patting my hand, comforting me the same way you might comfort a child who just gave his favorite toy to charity. "Plus, I get to keep track of everything you spend, and you have to work extra hard to buy me things in secrecy, and when you're not making enough money, I'll be the very first person to know!" That second part was implied.

2. On that same note, I suppose our roles are more solidified. 2Es accepts that she handles all of the finances in the house, and I perform essentially all of the same functions that Alice performed for the Brady family.

Truth be told, being a husband means I'm the "man of the house" more than ever before. And ladies, there's nothing sexist about that; the men know what I mean. It's a role for us that translates into taking on more responsibilities (like moving the car at 7AM, like preparing a "go" bag for emergencies even if we think it's absurd) and taking better care of our better half.

3. We've had a jump-start in the love department. Not that we were ever worried about being bored of one another or our relationship becoming lackluster after that 6-year mark ... but the wedding gave us a swift kick in the ass, reminding us why we began this journey in the first place; teaching us a great deal about each other when we thought we already knew everything there was to know; and giving us the "OK" to talk about things like having children and a stable income and long-term goals. With that swift kick, we're reminded that we're not getting any younger and -- at the same time -- how young our relationship really is in the course of a lifetime. And there's so much to look forward to.

4. Oh, right, and -- I cry in my sleep.

Newsflash: 2Es Relives Birth, Sells Images (AP)

Today is the 25th is March ... which means that today is my 2Es' birthday ... which means that I'm taking the day off to go shopping with her.

(Groom Points.)

But because it's her birthday, I had to share some exciting news. You might remember that Joanna documented our visit to The Art of Shaving here in Los Angeles and took some stunning photographs of the barber spa.

Well, it comes as no surprise that Joanna has sold a number of those photographs to The Art of Shaving, and they will be featured both on the TAOS website as well as in stores across the country.

Yes, you guessed it, my ugly mug will be there to greet you as well.

You can see the full gallery of images from The Art of Shaving on the Joanna Wilson Photography blog. And if you care to send Joanna some birthday wishes, you should follow her on Twitter. She's kind of like a big deal.

Best Man Duties, abridged and abrupt

While we're here, Tweeting and blogging, sitting at our computers, accomplishing nothing substantial ... Best Man Justin is out there in the world, putting out fires. He's saving lives. He's pulling cats out of trees and such.

His latest project? Counseling future Best Men. And we're fortunate to have him on The Groom Says this morning to share 8 solid tips for successful bestmanship. I'd share his email address but ... well ... there have to be some boundaries. 

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8 Tips for Successful Bestmanship

- by Justin

1) Make sure your boy doesn't go off the edge.  Take him out from time to time to kick back and still be a dude, as the rest of his time will be spent stressing over the hue of doilies. If you're out of town or out of state, give him a call once a week to check in.

2) The Bachelor Party can be anything from a quiet night around the campfire to The Hangover -- it depends on your groom. You just gotta tailor to the dude. Also good to keep the participants in the loop way ahead of time and involved in any decisions that concern money.

3) Make sure your boy is dressed and on-time on the day-of, and if he needs a shot in the morning (and everyone is pretty much better off with one) make sure he gets it and doesn't pay for it.

4) If they entrust you with the rings, guard them with your life. Make sure your pockets don't have any holes. And make sure you have tissues and mints in the other pocket.

5) Ensure that the groomsmen are dressed and on-time and orderly. You are their general. Beat them if necessary.

6)  In terms of speeches -- should they ask you to make one or two -- make em good, make em short and make em sincere. And don't drink too much until after you make em.  

7) On that note -- the speech at the reception should include thanks (if appropriate), instill confidence in the bride and groom's decision, and help usher the party from formality to celebration.

8) You are the secret agent of the wedding, the man behind-the-scenes who handles whatever issues should arise and guards the most important day of your boy's life (the most important day of his wife's life).  Stealthily persuade the drunk uncle to leave early in a cab if need be. Have cash on hand to pay for pizza should the catering fall through. Keep an extinguisher in your suit pocket should anyone catch on fire. 

Above all else, it is the day of the bride.  You are there for your boy, but the best thing you can do for him is to put your energies (whenever possible) to making sure her day is perfect. Stealthily.  

Wedding Priorities, Start to Finish

Come March, our home is not unlike an archaeological dig. The remains, remnants and receipts from 2010 have been pulled from their respective holes, and we've got it all in piles that make sense to us and only to us. And while in pursuit of these artifacts, we tend to discover other goodies from years past...

...which brings us to yesterday, when I unearthed a crumpled sheet of notebook paper with several columns of information and a series of numbers and dollar signs on the back. This poor excuse for brainstorming was our half-assed attempt at getting ideas out for the wedding. And even more entertaining than seeing what we thought was possible (i.e. "Groom Attire - $100") is noting where our priorities were and what we ultimately ended up with. Here's some insight into the planning process from start to finish, circa September 2009.

MUST-HAVE'S

1. Good band. Opted for an amazing DJ instead.
2. Unique venue. We had two, in fact.
3. Cool theme. Rustic theme.
4. Friend/family member officiant. Check.
5. Our friend Laura singing at the wedding. Also check. (+ groom points for surprise performance)

Bridesmaid Laura, accompanied by Best Man Justin on guitar, with their rendition of Bright Eyes' "First Day of My Life"
Photo by Noah Devereaux

WOULD BE NICE

1. Bridal bouquet. Check. Duh.
2. Photo picture booth. Not at the reception ... but had one at the rehearsal dinner.
3. Boutonnieres (then spelled "boutineers"). Check.
4. Vintage chalkboard(s). Seating chart chalkboard. Check.
5. Bubbles? Vetoed.
6. Cocktails outside? Illegal.
7. Acoustic guitarist. Do-able. Check.

COOL, BUT DISPOSABLE

1. Bridesmaids' bouquets. Check.
2. Designer dress. "Designed by somebody," she says.
3. Favors. Donation in lieu of.
4. Monarch butterflies. Vetoed with the bubbles.
5. Rented vintage vespa. Rented vintage checker cab.
6. Limos/trolley. Even classier: an NYC car service.

IDEAS THAT DIDN'T PAN OUT

1. Email RSVPs via the wedding website. Designed our own "check here" response cards instead.
2. Save $$$ with silk flowers. A fleeting thought.
3. Friday wedding. Not when 3/4 of the guests are traveling.
4. Only spend $3200 on food. Ludicrous.
5. Our initial budget as a whole.
6. Bridal gown from Target. 

IDEAS THAT (SORT OF) PANNED OUT

1. Bridesmaids dresses from Target. JCrew! And just as cheap.
2. STD postcards. Check.
3. Only spend $200 on hair/make-up. Check.
4. Spend under $500 on desserts. Check, check.
5. Fun weekend in the city for our guests. Without a doubt.

Bloggers Unite in Silence

Tomorrow I will be joining a vast community of bloggers (wedding and non-wedding alike) in a Bloggers Day of Silence.

For Japan With Love (initiated by Utterly Engaged and Ever Ours) was created to raise disaster relief awareness and to give our undivided attention to "those who can no longer speak and to those in pain."

If you're able to give, please click here and donate funds to Shelter Box USA before March 31st. Shelter Box provides emergency shelter and lifesaving supplies for families around the world affected by disasters, and they have collected over $25,000 to aid victims of the recent earthquake and tsunamis.

It's not surprising that, on a day of silence, our actions speak the loudest.


Thank you all,
Brian

Guest Post: The Respectfully Egocentric Boutonniere Collection

Hello readers!

Check out this morning's guest post on The Man Registry's Grooms Advice blog to find out what this business is all about. 

See the post at:

THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOUTONNIERE BOX

And if you missed my appearance on The Knot Live this morning, you are not a bad person. You can see the recorded show on their website at:

www.theknot.com/live

Love,

The Groom

(Wedding) Crashing "The Knot Live"

That's right, I'll be Skyping in for tomorrow's edition of The Knot Live. Carley Roney and I will be chatting about the details of "the wedding that was" and talking about groom responsibilities in the planning process. Then I'll probably be raiding the dessert bar for the rest of the evening.

So show some groom love and tune in at 1pm EST (10am PST). You can follow @TheKnot on Twitter for details.

Gastro-Groom: another role for guys who kill it at the tasting

We've paid tribute to the e-Grooms and the MC Grooms out there ... but there's a large demographic of men that we haven't accounted for. I'm talking about those grooms who can't get out of the kitchen: men who cook, men who eat, even those men who are particular about the ingredients on their pizza. Men who dine, men who drink wine, and men who mix Coke and Orange Fanta at the soda dispenser.

Let us now honor those men who will listen to their stomach before they'll listen to their heart; the guys who think their taste palate should decide the color palette. Without further ado:

The Gastro-Groom

The ceremony wasn't THAT long, Paul.

One would think that the Gastro-Groom wouldn't have much to contribute to a wedding ... but one would be wrong. Read on.

• Brunch. Gastro-Grooms are saddled with the gruesome task of sitting down with their Best Man and coming up with a "man cave"-like hang out for the morning of the wedding. It could be a restaurant; it could be a bar; it could be a driving range with an eighteenth hole diner. Whatever it is, it's the one aspect of the wedding that your bride has ZERO say in. So soak it up, Groom. This feeling won't last long.
• Premium Selections. Anyone can handpick a couple liquors and beers and call it a bar ... but only a Gastro-Groom can do it with class. Do some serious research to make this task worthwhile. Experiment with cocktails. Select an assortment of beers to please different palates (an amber, a pilsner, a stout, a seasonal, a "lite," etc.). And chat with bartender buddies about quantities; most bartenders have a good sense of what people drink most often and how much the average person will consume in 4 hours. They'll also give you tips on what liquors need to and need not be premium.

We covered the spectrum with bottles of red and white on the table, sangria on passing trays, and Pacifico, Beck's, New Castle, Heineken Light & Brooklyn Lager at the bar. Photograph by Picotte Photography.

• King of the Tasting. Gastro-Grooms don't just show up at tastings; they own them. Gastros dress up for the occasion, ask the right questions and rate the food on a rather complex Gastro-scale, which comes in handy when you can't remember which caterer had those sweet ass sweet potato fries.
• Feeding the Jet Lagged. Not all hotels offer decent room service, and you don't want guests who've flown halfway across the country to have to resort to the $18 bag of M&Ms in the mini bar. Source out some awesome sweets (baked goods make a strong first impression), as well as some healthier options to re-energize your weary travelers, and let that be your contribution to the hotel welcome baskets.
• Feeding the Bride. Wedding week is chaotic. It's 11AM one minute and 4PM the next. Assuming you're not as bogged down as your bride, be a good (pre)husband and make sure she's eating. If you're staying at a hotel, find a nearby deli or bistro and grab a couple to-go menus for the room.
• The Smaller Meal. Gastro-Grooms don't do rehearsal dinners at the downtown banquet hall, unless that banquet hall is linked to a stellar, five-star restaurant. These grooms spend months scouting the perfect gastropub to match the occasion, conduct taste tests with the finalists and work with the special events manager to craft the ideal menu for a large group of people who have nothing in common (i.e. opinions on food).

Photograph by Picotte Photography

• The Bigger Meal. Why would a Groom want to man up and take the reigns on the reception catering? Three reasons: (1) Getting to share that cocktail hour "concession stand" theme that's been brewing for a while. (2) The fact that the meal is one of the most memorable things about a wedding. If you score on food, you score major points across the board. (3) Making sure that the food pairs well with the beers you've selected. Yes, you know precisely where your priorities are.
• Cutting the [Groom] Cake. Rather than doing a groom's cake (unless you're really attached to it, in which case -- go to it!), incorporate your or your bride's favorite final course into the evening's festivities. If you think you've got it in you to design an epic dessert bar, start sketching out ideas. Personally, I'd love to see mini-Wendy's Chocolate Frosties on passing trays with french fries to dip. If a Groom could make that happen, he would be tops in my book. Just putting it out there.

The Making of a YouTube [Wedding] Sensation

2Es is kind of a big deal. It's not uncommon for people to stop us in the street and go, I KNOW I know you from somewhere, or You seem really familiar, or Have I seen you in something? And she'll smile and blush a little and reply,

"Yes, on YouTube."

See, 2Es and her father Reid cooked up this scheme months before the wedding to execute this show-stopping father-daughter dance number ... and I was 100% in the dark. After a failed attempt at coming up with their own moves, they sought out a choreographer and finally settled on North Carolina native Joshua Wess, who taught Reid the steps on the east coast ... and then Reid later taught them to 2Es.

The two of them (and her brother Patrick, at times) would sneak off during our beach trip last August to "sign some papers" or "ride bikes," when in fact they were using an abandoned property down the block as a dance studio, rehearsing Joshua's moves while Nelly's Country Grammar played on 2Es' iPhone. They even found some time during our wedding week to brush up on the choreography.

Watching the video, you immediately forget all the trials and tribulations, the secret email exchanges and abandoned beach house rendezvous. The dance is executed so effortlessly, the transitions so seamlessly -- honestly, they're leagues ahead of the scores of fathers and brides who have shared their own dances online.

My father-in-law's got mad swagger, yo

(What you don't see in the video is 2Es pulling me onto the dance floor, followed by some of the most awkward popping and locking ever performed. Much thanks to the crappy battery on the FlipCam.)

Okay, so they're not yet a "YouTube sensation," but they've got 1,000+ hits and counting. If you'd like, click the YouTube logo above (or this link here), give them a thumbs up and leave a comment. Let's propel 2Es and Reid to internet stardom ... or at least make them as popular as that kid who lip syncs.

The Hard Art of Incorporating Hard Liquor into Wedding Planning

Chris Easter, Grand Poobah of The Man Registry, and I jumped on the opportunity to attend a private Johnnie Walker "House of Walker" tasting this past weekend. After a complimentary cocktail and a highly awkward photo opportunity (available on The Groom Says facebook page), we were led into a curtained-off part of the loft with several large projection screens, three-quarter seating and all the components of a proper tasting: glasses, mixers, ice, dropper and drink. We sampled four of their most popular labels, and while we walked to our cars, we realized (not aloud -- but I realized it, and I imagine Chris must have as well) that we simply do not drink enough whiskey.

(Side note: Tastings in the states are downright cruel. 2Es and I did a wine tasting in Tuscany in '09, and we were completely blitzed by the end. We devoured that wine. Then again, JW's tasting was free, and there was no tour bus to take us back to the cruise ship. So I suppose that works out.)

In honor of Mr. Walker and his sons and grandsons, I present 3 WAYS TO INCORPORATE WHISKEY INTO THE WEDDING PLANNING PROCESS, as difficult as that task may seem.

Not on this list? "Getting hosed at the reception."

The coveted JW Blue Label Anniversary Edition

1. The Stock the Bar Shower. The wedding shower can be an awkward time for all. What the hell does one do at a shower? What's an appropriate gift for the bride and groom? Am I seriously only invited to this stupid shower and not to the actual wedding?

Rather than answering all those questions, save yourself the trouble and throw a Stock the Bar shower: a themed celebration that dictates the gift (booze, in whatever form, at whatever price) and guarantees a limited amount of awkwardness. Open the bottles as the evening progresses; the bride and groom keep the remains. And hopefully someone buys those poor kids a bar cabinet or a wine rack or a shelf ... something to hold all that liquor.

2. A Single Shot of Single Malt Whiskey. There's something inherently celebratory about a shot of Johnnie Walker or any quality spirit. If one of your boys announces that he's engaged, you may want to celebrate that news with a round of shots at the local pub. Similarly, as Chris pointed out, a round of JW Blue Label is the perfect way for the Best Man to kick off the bachelor party (on the roof of the hotel or in a less hazardous setting) or for the Groom to show his men some gratitude at the end of a killer weekend.

Remember to maintain a reasonable distance from the roof's edge

3. The Soothing "Wedding Morning" Shot. One of my favorite wedding traditions that's worth preserving is the men's morning brunch, an hour or two when the grooms, groomsmen, dads, dad-in-laws, brothers, brother-in-laws and other VIPs to get together and decompress before the real fun begins. The "brunch" (though food is no requisite) comes in countless forms, from a round of golf to a round of Gold Label shots or Red Label cocktails at the Mexican joint down the street. In whatever form it comes in, make sure the Groom doesn't get the bill.

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Join the JW Striding Man Society and receive notices about tastings and events happening in your area.

Solid to Subliminal: Julie Rath's Word on Neckwear

Julie Rath is what one might call a groom ambassador: a diplomatic agent, offering the opposite sex a chance at fashion redemption. As a men's stylist, personal shopper, image consultant and founder of Rath & Co., Julie is no doubt the authority on what makes grooms look good. She joins us on The Groom Says today to give us some expert advice on ties that fit the occasion. Tying them properly is another post altogether.

We're all ears, Julie.

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I always say a groom should look dashing at his wedding, and choosing the right accessories is key to the result. In selecting neckwear for your nuptials, remember that you're not choosing a power tie or work tie -- you're choosing a wedding tie, and it should be celebratory. After all, that's what the whole day is about.

You should've seen his outfit when they walked in

So give yourself permission to think outside the box and go with something you might not normally wear. You'll still look like you -- only a "cool and sharp groom" version of you. Below are several different categories of ties that are just right for those that are altar-bound.


SOLIDS
Wearing a solid tie is a nice way to let your bride (no doubt gorgeous in her wedding dress) take center stage. I recommend using a shade from the wedding color scheme and/or the bridesmaid dresses. I like the three below (left to right): from Drake's London (£95), Turnbull & Asser ($175) and, to go with a more casual look -- perhaps a khaki suit -- this linen tie from Faconnable ($115). All three are available in a range of colors for easy coordination. 

TONE-ON-TONE
If a solid doesn't have enough flavor, but you still want to keep it simple, try one that's tone-on-tone like those below from Jil Sander ($165; also comes in tan) and Brioni ($195).

METALLIC
Another easy principle to follow is matching metals to metals. So if your bride's jewelry and your belt buckle, watch, cuff links, etc., are silver-toned, you might incorporate a corresponding metallic shade into your tie. This rule works particularly well if your metals are silver and you happen to have a cool skin tone; or if your metals are gold and your skin tone is warm. For silvers, I like this diamond-patterned tie from Sam Hober ($80) and this silk stripe from Giorgio Armani ($145). Keep in mind that the Sam Hober is on the dressy side because the pattern is small.

For more on dressing for formal weddings, click here. 

PEARLESCENT PATTERNS
For a daytime wedding -- particularly one that's outdoors -- you can brighten up the colors with something more upbeat while keeping with the wedding's color scheme. These pearlescent ties, like (clockwise from top left) the stripe & dash from Stephano Ricci ($200), the pencil stripe from A Suitable Wardrobe ($120), the jacquard from Paul Smith ($130) and the paisley from Fine & Dandy Shop ($45) just scream "I DO!"

CHEERFUL PATTERNS
Ties with light-hearted patterns, like this Macclesfield (a style of tie with a small scale repeating pattern, named for an early English tie-making center) from Drake's (£95) and this floral from Thomas Pink ($105) are particularly jubilant and therefore excellent picks. 

I'm also very into this dotted twill tie from Jil Sander ($135). The color scheme is conservative, but the polka dots keep it whimsical enough that you won't look stuffy on your big day.

SUBLIMINAL PATTERNS
This is a terrific way to send a message to your guests that you might not want to spell out in so many words. For instance, you might use this stork tie from Ben Silver ($120) to let your guests know it's a boy! and that perhaps they ought to consider getting you a second gift sooner than expected.

The stork: mascot of the shotgun wedding

Okay, maybe not so much with the storks ... but as you can see, there are loads of different ways you can go in selecting neckwear for your wedding. The key is to consider what your bride is wearing, the wedding colors and theme, the time and location of the event, your personal style and (of course) what looks good on you. Nail those elements, and you'll be the best-dressed groom to grace an altar. 

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As seen on CBS's "The Early Show," Julie Rath runs Rath & Co., an image consulting and personal styling service that provides men with an extra edge. A former casting director, Julie has a sharp eye for what makes people visually appealing, and she uses this insider's perspective to help her clients. She aligns their outer image with their personal and professional goals, enabling them to present their most confident and authentic selves. Julie has a certificate in Image Consulting from the Fashion Institute of Technology and is an active member of the Association of Image Consultants International. Julie is regarded as an expert in the field of men's image and style.

To inquire about Julie's services or how she can tune-up your groom attire,  email her at julie@rathandco.com. You should also follow her on Twitter. Just because. 

Find men's styling tips on the Rath & Co. Tastehunter blog.

Men who give us the okay to cry (John Boehner excluded)

The occasional bride will warn that their man better not cry at the altar ... but you'll find that the majority of women out there would like to see their grooms tear up at the big moment.

God knows I was a mess ... from the second I saw her turn that corner on Plymouth Street and all throughout the ceremony -- well, not all throughout, but a little here, a little there -- I was a wreck. Our processional song (Dave Matthews' Oh), played beautifully by our acoustic guitarist (Mr. Lucas Carpenter), really started the waterworks ... made worse only by the sight of my 2Es. The FOB was just as moved, as was our officiant, as was 2Es' brother Patrick. Thank god Best Man Justin had lined all of his pockets with Kleenex; he was putting out fires left and right.

(At one point, during our pre-ceremony portrait session, I asked my 2Es why I was the only one crying. I don't want to mess up my make-up, she confessed. I think she was just being kind.)

So what's the big deal? Why do we put so much pressure on the groom, making bets as to whether or not he'll put on the weeps? The groom has an absolute right (some brides would go so far as to say an obligation) to do so. Over the ages, men have proven that crying is not a sign of weakness or vulnerability -- but rather a sign of humility. And there is nothing more humbling than giving yourself completely to another person.

But if inspiration is what you need, you've come to the right place. Here are three Men who give us the thumbs up to cry.

Bale "broke character" at the Oscars on Sunday 

Those who are still stuck on the T4 rant might say that Bale is more likely to make others cry before he does so himself; but the actor got emotional this weekend when he accepted his Best Supporting Actor award for his work on "The Fighter."

Right, and he cried in "The Fighter" too. Christ, he's a bigger wreck than I am.

Damon's done more than his fair share of sobbing on screen 

Williams' soothing "therapist" voice could make any reasonable man cry (It's not your fault, Will. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.), but that's not the only time Damon's bawled in his longtime career. What about All the Pretty Horses? What about his breakdown the Entourage Season 6 finale?

Come on, Vince. It's for the kids.

Jillian Michaels would make us cry too, Rulon

Rulon Gardner may be the "big tough Olympic champion" on the outside -- but like all of his competitors, a step on that scale at the end of the week or a moment alone with his trainer Cara can open those floodgates.

If Rulon is willing to reveal his sensitive side to millions of viewers each week, I think you can manage to blubber in front of a hundred or so people, Groom. Besides, most of your guests already know about the whole Wall-E / escorted out / "sir, your crying is disturbing the other patrons" incident.

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Runner-up for Men who give us the thumbs up to cry? Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. Man oh man.