July 24, 2010

Food For Thought: Helping Men Decipher Menus, Pt II

For those grooms out there who still can't read these damn things, please feel free to copy my homework.


Tournedo of Beef with Japanese Horseradish Crust and Ginger Rice Wine Demi Glace
Tournedo - funnel-shaped windstorm
Japanese Horseradish - hot, flavored spice
Rice Wine - low-alcohol beverage
Demi Glace - rich brown sauce
Translation: Funnel-Shaped Beef in a Windstorm of Hot Crust and Alcoholic Brown Sauce

Those tournedo beef things made a hell of an impact

Citrus Dusted Filet Mignon with a Pommes de Terre Macaire with Black Truffles 
Citrus Dust - ground orange peels
Pommes de Terre Macaire - golden potato cake
Black Truffle - tuber melonosporum
Translation: Ground Orange Steak with Cake de Golden Potato with Tubular Melonosporum

Sips of Celeriac Soup with Carrot Coulis
Celeriac - knobby celery of the parsley variety
Coulis - thick sauce
Translation: Tiny Tastes of Knobby Variety Stew

See also: The Tiny Tim Variety Show

Burrata Speidini 
Burrata - Italian cheese with mozzarella and cream
Speidini - Italian skewers of meat or fish
Translation: Twice-Italian Skewers of Meat Mozzarella & Cream Fish 

Pan Fried Old Chatham Camembert with Fresh Berry Mustarde and Fresh Katchkie Farm Arugula 
Old Chatham - hamlet in the NE quadrant of the Chatham township
Camembert - soft, surface-ripened milk cheese
Mustarde - pretentious mustard
Katchkie - organic New York farm
Translation: Fried Hamlet Cheese with Pretentious Berries and Organic Stuff 

Not unlike:

Hamlet crying after that pretentious Yorick guy got snuffed ... organically speaking

Roasted Seckel Pear Filled with Meyer Lemon Fromage Blanc with Crisp Farm Greens and Crab Fritters
Seckel - brownish pear
Meyer Lemon - China citrus
Fromage Blanc - thick yogurt-like cheese
Fritters - fried cakes of batter
Translation: Roasted Brownish Fruit with Chinese Yogurt Cheese with Salad and Fried Batter Crab

Beef Jibarito with Guajillo on Plantain
Jibarito - flattened Chicago sandwich 
Guajillo -Southwestern shrub 
Plantain - tropical banana plant 
Translation: Southwest Chicago Beef & Banana Sandwich

Obama knows all about the Chi-Town Banana and Beef

Stilton Tarts with a Port Wine Syrup and Gala Apple Puree
Stilton - English, waxy white cheese
Port - Portuguese-style fortified wine
Wine Syrup - sugared wine
Gala - festive celebration
Puree - cooked, blended vegetables or fruit
Translation: English Wax Tarts with Portuguese Sugar Wine and Blended Apple Dance-off

Sauteed Barramundi over Lyonnais Style Beets with Wilted Greens, Caviar Beurre Blanc
Barramundi - plural of Barramunda
Lyonnais Style - Medieval French province
Caviar - roe of sturgeon
Beurre Blanc - white butter
Translation: Several Sauteed Barramundas on Top of Medieval French Beets with Old Lettuce and White Butter Roes

Not to be confused with: 

 Several Barracudas gettin' busy on some wet lettuce

White and Chocolate Dacquoise with Candied Grapefruit
Dacquoise - nut meringue layer cake
Candied - impregnated with sugar; also flattering
Translation: White Nuts and Chocolate Meringue Impregnated with Flattered Fruit

(Still confused? Check out Part I of "Food for Thought" here.)

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