Food For Thought: Helping Men Decipher Menus, Pt II

For those grooms out there who still can't read these damn things, please feel free to copy my homework.

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Tournedo of Beef with Japanese Horseradish Crust and Ginger Rice Wine Demi Glace

Tournedo - funnel-shaped windstorm

Japanese Horseradish - hot, flavored spice

Rice Wine - low-alcohol beverage

Demi Glace - rich brown sauce

Translation: Funnel-Shaped Beef in a Windstorm of Hot Crust and Alcoholic Brown Sauce

Those tournedo beef things made a hell of an impact

Citrus Dusted Filet Mignon with a Pommes de Terre Macaire with Black Truffles 

Citrus Dust - ground orange peels

Pommes de Terre Macaire - golden potato cake

Black Truffle - tuber melonosporum

Translation: Ground Orange Steak with Cake de Golden Potato with Tubular Melonosporum

Sips of Celeriac Soup with Carrot Coulis

Celeriac - knobby celery of the parsley variety

Coulis - thick sauce

Translation: Tiny Tastes of Knobby Variety Stew

See also: The Tiny Tim Variety Show

Burrata Speidini 

Burrata - Italian cheese with mozzarella and cream

Speidini - Italian skewers of meat or fish

Translation: Twice-Italian Skewers of Meat Mozzarella & Cream Fish 

Pan Fried Old Chatham Camembert with Fresh Berry Mustarde and Fresh Katchkie Farm Arugula 

Old Chatham - hamlet in the NE quadrant of the Chatham township

Camembert - soft, surface-ripened milk cheese

Mustarde - pretentious mustard

Katchkie - organic New York farm

Translation: Fried Hamlet Cheese with Pretentious Berries and Organic Stuff 

Not unlike:

Hamlet crying after that pretentious Yorick guy got snuffed ... organically speaking

Roasted Seckel Pear Filled with Meyer Lemon Fromage Blanc with Crisp Farm Greens and Crab Fritters

Seckel - brownish pear
Meyer Lemon - China citrus
Fromage Blanc - thick yogurt-like cheese
Fritters - fried cakes of batter
Translation: Roasted Brownish Fruit with Chinese Yogurt Cheese with Salad and Fried Batter Crab

Beef Jibarito with Guajillo on Plantain

Jibarito - flattened Chicago sandwich 
Guajillo -Southwestern shrub 
Plantain - tropical banana plant 
Translation: Southwest Chicago Beef & Banana Sandwich

Obama knows all about the Chi-Town Banana and Beef

Stilton Tarts with a Port Wine Syrup and Gala Apple Puree

Stilton - English, waxy white cheese
Port - Portuguese-style fortified wine
Wine Syrup - sugared wine
Gala - festive celebration
Puree - cooked, blended vegetables or fruit
Translation: English Wax Tarts with Portuguese Sugar Wine and Blended Apple Dance-off

Sauteed Barramundi over Lyonnais Style Beets with Wilted Greens, Caviar Beurre Blanc

Barramundi - plural of Barramunda
Lyonnais Style - Medieval French province
Caviar - roe of sturgeon
Beurre Blanc - white butter
Translation: Several Sauteed Barramundas on Top of Medieval French Beets with Old Lettuce and White Butter Roes

Not to be confused with: 

 Several Barracudas gettin' busy on some wet lettuce

White and Chocolate Dacquoise with Candied Grapefruit

Dacquoise - nut meringue layer cake
Candied - impregnated with sugar; also flattering
Translation: White Nuts and Chocolate Meringue Impregnated with Flattered Fruit

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(Still confused? Check out Part I of "Food for Thought" here.)