Dear The Knot,
Your fiance comes from the same mold as most other fiances on this planet: He sort of knows what he wants in a wedding and truly tries to get involved now and then -- but he's often too lazy or distracted to follow through with plans. ... Here's the trick with this kind of groom: Even though he wants to be involved, he can't really hack a 50-50 contribution ... you don't want to force him to make too many decisions on his own, which could result in him resenting you and shutting down completely. So hit the wedding circuit together ... Then sit down with him and go over the things he loved and absolutely hated, so you'll both get a clear idea of what it is he's hoping for in a wedding. You'll need to do the work, but he'll appreciate that you're actually interested in his opinion.
These are the results 2E's and I got -- on separate occasions -- when we answered a few questions as part of the What Kind of Groom Is He quiz.
"Your groom is amenable to anything." Really? That's what I get? Not, like, "Your groom is in the 99% percentile so chill," or "Your groom is likely to chronicle your wedding adventures in a satiric blog." Amenable to anything? "Resenting you and shutting down completely?" Seriously?
Perhaps I was too honest on the first go-round. Perhaps I didn't give myself enough credit. So I went back and reviewed the questions again -- this time bubbling in those answers that a Super Groom might select.
And I got the same friggin' response.
So what's up Knot? I'm not one for conspiracy theory, but it seems like nothing is good enough. It seems like you're embedding in your web browsing brides a sense of empowerment and groom mothering. It seems as if you're saying, across the board, "If you wanna do something right, ladies, you gotta do it yourself."
Well this groom is not amenable to partial quizzes. How 'bout them apples.
Here's the trick with this kind of groom: there is no trick. If your groom asked you to marry you as you two were idling in your car between the cash and pick-up drive-thru windows, then you can probably expect laziness and distraction. If not -- if you're settling down with someone who's got half a brain and an ounce of chivalry, then a 50-50 contribution is totally reasonable. Hell - it's mandatory. So don't expect any less, and hopefully he'll meet you at LEAST 40-60. And maybe you can let that slide on account of the kick-ass proposal he put together.