Got My Tips Done

I found the following tips online -- a few guidelines for the uninformed groom. Watch how I own this list:

Have an Opinion

This is your wedding too, so get in on the planning. You don't have to wax poetic on the difference between lilies and daises for the bridesmaid bouquets, but give your opinion on the major planning points.

An opinion? As in an online journal on which I catalog our ups and downs and "wax poetic" about chores, tradition and to-do lists? Consider it done. 

Relish Your Wedding Registry

It may seem like a tedious task, but think about it. You get to wander around a store, picking things you want that someone will buy you -- you can't beat that. Consider home electronics, power tools and camping gear.

Camping gear? I'm lightyears ahead of you. 

As part of our planning process, 2E's and I will be designing our dream house -- the all-white cliffside home on the Meditteranean that we've always wanted -- and we'll be incorporating all of our dream house furniture into our wedding registry. Floating pool table here we come.

Don't Be a Pushover -- Really

She wants to register for a yellow comforter with little pink flowers ... see if you can meet her halfway.

Yeah, halfway. Instead of yellow - mahogany. Instead of comforter - floating pool table. Instead of pink flowers - beer koozies.

Give Her a Break

Give her a night to relax and cook her dinner, do the dishes, rent her favorite movie (yes, even a chick flick), and remind her why wedding planning is worth the stress.

Better yet, I've developed a point system. I earn Groom Points (more on this later) for good deeds. A perfect example: 2E's will be dragging me to New Moon before the end of the weekend. That's like 25 Groom Points. That buys me an entire week.

Be a Buffer

If your mom is calling your fiance every hour to talk about the wedding, you run the risk of major family conflict, with you stuck in the middle. Your mission: Keep the peace.

I'm fortunate enough to have the most supportive Groom Mom ever. She's also a huge 2E's fan. In fact, the only reason she calls 2E's these days is to apologize for my behavior, which she generally assumes is inappropriate.

(And right she is.)

Get Some Help

Has your fiance really hit the wall? Suggest hiring a planner for the day of your wedding.

Wedding planner, huh? I would want someone very authoritative. Like Chandra Wilson from Grey's Anatomy. Or Vincent D'Onofrio. He would really spice things up.

Manage Your Men

Your guys don't have to be saints, but they will have responsibilities, and it's your job to make sure they know what they are.

No worries. We've already shipped our entire wedding party -- groomsmen and bridesmaids alike -- off to boot camp. They'll return from Iraq just in time for the wedding.

Speaking of which, strike D'Onofrio. We're getting R. Lee Ermey from Full Metal Jacket (photo left). That would be one disturbing but error-free wedding. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now drop and give me twenty, scumbags."

Perfect.