WWGD

Jeanine and Joe were so impressed by the KFC, Monopoly and Martha Stewart ankle bracelet-inspired weddings that the couple has asked me to construct a design scheme for their own wedding. Joe is a firefighter, Jeanine is a librarian ... What Would the Groom Do?

1. Well, some designers like to dress up a ceremony venue with drapery. Except in this case, rather than using sheer fabric, we'll use industry-standard, 75' red and yellow fire hoses, strung from wall to wall. They may want to line the aisle with life-sized hydrants, with red and yellow gerber daisies projecting from their outlet nozzles. All of this can happen on the main floor of Joe's station house or at that warehouse across the tracks that nearly burned down last week. Designers call that "shabby chic."

2. For the escort cards, we reach back into our childhood and consult the Dewey Decimal system (see left). Each guest would be assigned a book that fits their profile -- Eat, Pray, Love for the mother of the bride; John's Madden's Heroes of Football for Joe's dad, and Fear and Loathing for Jeanine's odd, oath-of-silence taking, not-yet-with-it younger brother.

3. As a metaphor for their union, the centerpieces will be inspired by Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury's futuristic tale of censorship and the burning of books. Jeanine will check out her favorite 100 novels, biographies and reference books (about 10 per table), stack them asymmetrically in the center and surround the pile with clear votives and glass hurricanes. Should the books actually catch fire, god knows there'll be enough of Joe's colleagues in the room to manage the blaze.

4. Where this reception is really going to shine is the almost too-appropriate musical selection. While it might make the men in yellow cringe, the guests will go nuts for these hits:

Talking Heads' Burning Down the House

Earth, Wind & Fire's Serpentine Fire

Elvis Presley's Burning Love

50 Cent's Get It Hot

Jerry Lee Lewis' Great Balls of Fire

Jimi Hendrix's Fire

The Pointer Sisters' Fire

Red Hot Chili Peppers' Fire

Ozzy Osbourne's Fire

U2's Fire

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's Fire
and, of course...
Jimmy Buffett's Love in the Library

5. The newlyweds have some leeway with the wedding favors. Library cards. Firehouse calendars. Whatever fits the crowd. Either way, the new couple will be hosed down as they exit the reception and hop onto their getaway vintage fire truck, decorated with Just Married lettering with a Class D extinguisher.

Joe and Jeanine -- You're welcome. Send us some photos. 


P.S. A big congrats to our friends Lindsay and Steve who tied the knot this past weekend in New Hope, PA!