Catering, in the Biblical Sense

God knows I like to pretend I'm somebody. I'm very Bret Easton Ellis that way.

Back in the day (so to speak), I would take 2E's out to dinner at what we thought to be the snazziest restaurants in Manhattan. Hell, we were the youngest couple at Nobu by at least 12 years. And as part of our 7-day stay in Puerto Vallarta, we hiked up an unfriendly hillside through dark, unfriendly alleyways (2E's in the unfriendliest pair of heels) to visit one amazing Mexican restaurant where I had a generous portion of ostrich for the first time ever. At least I think it was ostrich. Perhaps it was [insert rarely eaten bird here].

And it's not because 2E's and I are at all snazzy ourselves -- no-no, we're far from it -- but we do appreciate a good meal. Good service. Good food. A "no bullshit" experience.

Having said that, even we -- connoisseurs of food that we believe ourselves to be -- cannot comprehend the outrageous price of catering.

Well, I should amend that. "...the outrageous price of New York catering."

We have been speaking to the kindest, most personable caterers for the last three months of this seemingly interminable journey. They get us. They get our vibe, assuming we have one. And on top of it, they want to put their own spin on our wedding, which we love. But the Grand Total at the bottom of their proposed menu is absurd.

Is it standard? I'm assuming. I'm assuming X and Y are by no means out to screw us in the Biblical sense. Why would they?

No, this is just the world of weddings, and 2E's and I have (in our infinite wisdom) chosen to be wed in the city where catering costs run rampant. God forbid we try to contact one of the larger, more reputable companies like "Preat Gerformances." Uttering our meager catering budget over the phone would send a wave of laughter through their SoHo headquarters. Little do they know that we would gladly bus tables and do dishes at our own wedding to have just a passing acquaintance with their passing tray aperitifs.

2E's thinks the next month would best be spent seeking out other proposals and "getting creative." I suppose this means requesting pricing information from smaller companies, shredding rejected proposals and using the shredded paper to prepare shredded paper salads -- our very reliable back-up should we not find an affordable alternative. Doesn't get more DIY than that.