You may be the exception. You may be that groom who actually cares about wedding rings. If that's the case, you may not find this at all helpful. If you're the groom who has browsed, bookmarked and memorized New York Magazine's Who's Who of Manhattan Jewelers, then this post may not be for you.
Rather, this post is for those men who would consider purchasing their wedding band out of the back of a van before considering Van Cleef & Arpels.
Gentlemen: Let's start simple.
You won't be buying your bands out of the back of a van
The fruit might be alright (edible, even), but you should accept the fact that this purchase will be made with a retailer. Of wedding bands. Not fruit.
Best supporting actor
The common misconception about wedding bands is that this is a dual decision. But like that other common misconception -- that your opinion matters -- this is simply untrue. Think of your band as the appetizer to her main course ... the Pluto to her Saturn ... the boutonniere to her bouquet. You will very likely choose your ring months before she decides on hers. And yes, you'll still be responsible for accompanying her even after you've made your decision. Bring a light sandwich and cue the moral support music.
Playing the field
2E's and I have visited two jewelers thus far: one in the hectic diamond district in Downtown LA, and another in a high-rise in Beverly Hills. In both instances, I made my selections quickly and easily, tapping the display case and saying,
"Um, I like the really plain one. No -- the even more plain one right next to -- Yes, that one."
Meanwhile, 2E's had pared them down to perhaps 5 or 6 top picks at both locations, all in a moderate price range. But it's no matter. We're currently on a break from the wedding band hunt. Things got awkward. Things were said that weren't ... well, we're moving past it.
Be prepared for the unfamiliar, gentlemen. Words will be tossed around -- words like "pavé" and "beveled" and "appraise" -- words that they've ripped straight from the pages of Jane Austen novels. You'll be asked to differentiate Tungsten and Platinum. Don't be fooled. They are EXACTLY the same. They may even ask if you know your ring size. For god's sake, you don't even know your shoe size.
The key is to stay calm. Squeeze your 2E's hand and she'll cover you. She'll cut in with, "He's probably an 8," or, "He may actually prefer the white gold."
And when she does, the best response (as always) is a nod, followed by a smile.