Fahrenheit 451

A couple of months ago, 2E's mentioned that we needed to begin the search for material to read at the wedding. We didn't want to use a traditional poem or verse; we wanted something more unique and more personal. Being the "reader" between the two of us, she thought I might be best suited for the task.

Not the case, it seems.

After reviewing a shortlist of texts that I'd assembled this morning, 2E's has removed me from the post. Apparently, grooms, the following titles are not suitable for one reason or another:

Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut
A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess
Anything by Edgar Allen Poe
The Road, Cormac McCarthy
Bee Gees songs 
No Country for Old Men, Cormac McCarthy
Anything by Cormac McCarthy 
Animal Farm, George Orwell
American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis
In Cold Blood, Truman Capote (I was 100% invested in this one)
Faust, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (both parts)
The script of Fargo, Joel & Ethan Coen
The script of Barton Fink
Anything by Joel & Ethan Coen
The Scrabble Player's Dictionary

A big upset, too, because I had just stumbled on the following text from Coen's Raising Arizona that would have brought down the house for sure:

"I had a dream. I dreamt I was as light as the ether, a floating spirit visiting things to come. The shades and shadows of the people in my life rassled their way their way into my slumber. ... I dreamed on, further into the future than I had ever dreamed before. ... I saw an old couple being visited by their children, and all their grandchildren too. The old couple weren't screwed up. And neither were their kids or their grandkids. And I don't know. You tell me. This whole dream, was it wishful thinking? Was I just fleeing reality like I know I'm liable to do? But me and [insert bride's name here], we can be good too. And it seemed real. It seemed like us and it seemed like, well, our home. If not Arizona, then a land not too far away. Where all parents are strong and wise and capable and all children are happy and beloved. I don't know. Maybe it was Utah."

Ethan Coen, you slay me.

You too, Joel.