Bride Sans Internet

Last week our AT&T wireless internet modem box thing began sending distress signals in the form of Christmas lights: red and green flickers in the dark beneath the computer desk. It wasn't unlike the ending of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, when the scientists gather at Devil's Tower and communicate with the UFO using a sequence of lights and sounds ... except that we, the intelligent life forms, weren't intelligent enough to call our service provider in advance.

And we all know that a bride without internet is like a stamp without adhesive backing. It's just unpleasant.

After all, how will she keep up with this week's posts on her favorite go-to wedding blogs? How will she communicate with venues and vendors? How will she continue to add to her ever-expanding collection of escort card ideas and gift bag ideas and invitation ideas and this ideas and that ideas? "How a person ever designed a wedding from across the country WITHOUT internet is absolutely BEYOND me!"

Buzzing about the apartment, feeling valuable planning time slip through her fingers, 2E's knew she had to find something to keep herself occupied. So she decided to return to her roots, to the place where it all began, to her trusted friend: the notebook.

A quick clarification for the grooms out there: The Notebook is that 2004 Gosling-McAdams steam fest that's on weekly rotation on the Oxygen network. "The notebook," on the other hand, is something that she's been collecting ever since she dismissed (or at least overlooked) the idea that boys have cooties. It's filled with what she calls wedding inspiration. In some cases, it is slathered in appliqué, beads and buttons and pieces-o-string glued to its cover in true 14-year-old-girl fashion; in others, it may be an undecorated, unassuming, Staples-brand black 3-ring binder. Don't be fooled.

Grooms, you may think that scoping out "the notebook" - taking a peak inside, hoping to understand her perspective - is a good thing. It's not. It's really not. Think of "the notebook" like a diary, only this diary is all about her wedding day, and the success or failure of that day depends entirely on what's in "the notebook."

So. Yeah. No. Not a good idea.

This afternoon we are fortunate enough to have our service back on track. Montalvo (?) from AT&T came to our rescue and replaced our modem box thing; "the notebook" is back in the drawer from which it came; and peace is restored to the land. I knew this would end on a positive note. Cue moral support music.